After that, if you still feel useless, you will have plenty of time to kill yourself.

And plenty of opportunities, too, I suppose.

Isn't there another way than becoming a soldier? I was going to suggest going traveling, for example a hike over several weeks. That would also be physically demanding and good for focus.

I tend to agree with the "normal young man" thesis.

Another perfect diagnosis, Drill Sergeant Schoeneman.

There's one problem: I don't want to get shot or blown up. Joining the army would mean going where I'm actively wanted dead. Am I wrong?

For instance, Army would be the worse recommandation you could give to hypersensitive folks, who are paying their exceptionnal creativity with almost perpetual depression. They are invaluable assets to the society if they manage to find the right channels to express themselves. The training of an infantry man seems a wasteful pathway to this kind of personnality.

Army has also the tendency to reveal great men only under great circumstances, when bureaucracy is eventually bypassed because of the dramatic scale of the events, and everything has to be rethinked. Napoleon arised during the French Revolution era, Churchill and De Gaulle during World War 2, but they would never have without the right context.

My cousin went to Irak and he doesn't think about it as a worthwile cause today. He left the ranks as soon as he could, and he is glad to be back in the civil life where he finds the opportunities to grow as a human being much more interesting, at least in our current times.

There's a wide spectrum of bipolar disorders (it's not all just super mania and super depression) and what you're saying sounds like it could be connected to this (the flip flopping, the doing OK one moment, not so good the next). Of particular interest should be bipolar II: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_II_disorder

Bipolar is, IMHO, a significantly bigger deal than having ADD or a mere lack of willpower. It is a commonly misunderstood condition and one that a lot of normal advice regarding depression or personality disorders will not help. Unfortunately it can also be a very difficult condition to "admit" you have, especially to yourself, so it's worth at least reading up about it ASAP "just in case."

Disclaimer: I have a bipolar disorder that's self managed (no medicines) and over the last few years I've come up with a lot of techniques and tricks to take advantage of it and reduce its negative effects. Before that, though, things were.. not so good :-)

Still I have a lot of stigma about officially getting tested for this stuff.

I've had similar problems with focus and discipline. I've tried alleviating them by exercising (working out with the ROTC at 6 AM), eating well, making important commitments, doing Buddhist mindfulness exercises, listening to Eckhart Tolle, writing myself a contract that I signed in front of my friends/classmates, trying to create a startup with some good friends, and many other things that typically ended in (painful) failure. I had successes here and there, but the mental effort required to hang on until the end was often huge.

I have the tendency to make commitments and create relationships when I'm in one of my highs, and then proceed to fumble them when I inevitably reach a low. I dropped 2 semesters of college before I looked for professional help.

I started by seeing a therapist, not an MD. I found the sessions beneficial and they helped me get through a rough patch, but after two months things weren't really coming together. At my therapist's discretion, I saw a psychiatrist. I told him my situation in it's entirety. I didn't let myself think about trying to save face. I told him the grittiest details if I thought they were important for him to understand what I was going through.

I definitely had strong misgivings before making that step. For me the worst was "What if everyone goes through the same difficulties, and I'm just weak and cowardly?" However, my track record clearly showed I needed help. It was mostly a matter of allowing myself to be humble enough to accept it.

After only a week and a half of taking Seroquel, it's hard for me to say how it's going and where it's going to take me. Early though it is, I've noticed a change for the better. I like to think it's a temporary solution, like the way that you would put a tarp over a hole in your roof before you actually get it repaired.

Psychiatrists and therapists see people for things like this all the time. It's familiar territory for them. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I'd gotten professional help sooner.

Best of luck

- Another dude

If its just a case of having trouble doing the initial jumpstart of getting started looking into stuff, ask one of your friends who you're close to and comfortable being open with to help you get the ball rolling on looking into such, or just make yourself commit to at least making a appointment with your general practitioner.

(getting around irrational social anxiety issues which can act as obstacles is hard, and apparently the best adaptive approach is to reframe the ominous task by breaking it into lots and lots of smaller steps, and forcing yourself to only think about the current step and never about later steps, rinse and repeat)

The thing is, bipolar disorder can get worse over time. It's not uncommon for people to get help only way after things have gone to shit. Why waste time? If it's really BPD, it's not just gonna go away. Might as well go to a doctor now -- at least that way you can be fully informed.

I absolutely believe that people run to medications too quickly these days, but drugs like Adderall et al. help people like you to find focus, break self-destructive patterns, and get back to a baseline of normal.

Again, ou need a professional to know if it appropriate or not. Everyone fights with their attention spans, changing interests, lazy days and so many flaws we have. The question is really to know if there is a problem or if you just need to learn to know yourself a bit more.

In all cases, suicide has permanent implications to get out of a temporary condition. Even if it looks so bad, stick around, it will get better, or you'll learn how to cope with it better.

The life changing aspect, for me, is that they can sometimes break me out a depressive episode. I'll have days sitting around, desperately wanting to work on something, but ending up watching TV, eating, and sleeping. This of course makes me feel bad about having not done anything, which just worsens the situation.

Stimulants can change that. Apart from the energy and focus, they often propel me into doing something. I've taken them, feeling pessimistic and resigning myself to another day of sitting around. But they'll kick in, I'll pull up my laptop, and code 8+ hours straight. That bit of progress alone is enough sometimes to break out of the depressive streak and get on with things.

But please, before starting any medications, make sure you have a psychologist to monitor you. Do not underestimate suicidal thoughts. The closest I've been to suicide is when I tried out an anti-depressive. Medication that can pull you out of depression can also provide you the energy and willpower to follow through with suicide.

Any thinking about suicide, even without specific intent, is a symptom of depression.

That convinced me was an extremely temporary solution at best, so temporary as to not even be worth it.

Later I was walking through Barnes and Nobel and found a book on speed reading in the bargain bin:

http://www.amazon.com/Evelyn-Seven-Day-Reading-Learning-Prog...

Bought it, read it, learned it (somewhat, I still can't read a page a second), and found it improved my focus and concentration (at least on reading and programming) more than anything I'd ever tried, even Adderall.

That may or may not help you, but I'm a believer now.

People vary enormously in how they respond to brain drugs, and each drug is different too. You just have to try them and see if you can find a dose where the benefits outweigh the costs. If it doesn't work, all you have lost is a little time and money. (Well, some drugs can be dangerous, but Adderall and friends generally are not.)

1. You will grow out of some of this, even without therapy and/or medication. At least I did.

2. Exercise and eat right, try cutting down especially on caffeine, sugar and anything else that seems to have a weird effect on you.

3. Take up something you are bad at or that you have never done. Such as learning a different language, guitar, etc. Reason is that you are skimming the cream off the top of your abilities - I think if you choose something you can fail at, then you realized you failed but are still alive, it will give you a better perspective.

This world is very tough on non-conformists. Hang in there.

Although most don't admit it, graduation from college is a scary experience; some sees as a transition into the real world, prepared or not, an evaluation for what they have achieved during college, if they have made up for their disappointments in high school or a continuation of the disappointments, or as a crystal ball to determine the future (e.g., a 4.0 GPA in CS/Econ leads to job at Goldman Sachs or Bio to Harvard Medical School, to a respectable life); Or "I didn't make any lasting friends or relationships, I'll be a loser for the rest of my life," or that I have found my niche, geek bent for SF conventions/hipsters bent for bohemian gentrifying neighborhood/prep bent for loft in a upscale yuppie neighborhood.

The reason most people can't commit to relationships or friendships are rooted in their own insecurity; either a feeling of inferiority/superiority when in company of others, e.g., "Lisa thinks that I'm cool, but she doesn't know who I truly am, just my pomped-up version of myself in the two times I did her" or "Fuck Dan, what does he know? He went to an arts school". It could also be that you aren't sure about what you want yourself, "Should I focus more on startup's or my social life? Should I climb the corporate ladder or pursue my own personal vision?"; Unclear personal visions leads confusion to whom you want to associate with and the values that you want to see in your friends/significant others.

Add it on top of that is your expectations that come with your startup dream. What do you wish it to validate? Because most human endeavors, when you boil down to it, isn't about money. And also, it probably isn't one of those vague feel-good mantras, "make a difference in the world, " "to innovate," or "to push envelope." The reason, most of the time is pretty personal, hence the term, "the revenge of the nerds." Why do you want to pursue your startup? So that you could be the next Sergey Brin and get invited to your high school/college graduation as a and say "fuck you" to everyone in the audience, to get the girl (or the boy), to prove your parents or former best friend or ex-girlfriend, or to correct something in the unspoken rules in the current mainstream social conventions that has hampered/traumatized you.

Answer these questions and don't resist it if they lead to paths totally different than pursuing startup's. Although most people don't like to admit it, pursuing startup's is like pursuing medicine. In the beginning, the prospect is exciting and promises the riches and respectability; it is only later that most people realize that becoming a doctor haven't solved all of their personal problems and just brought on a whole slew of more professional problems.

So, don't go to medical school unless you can't imagine doing anything but medicine.

Now you are going to have to find out what are the missing ingredients that will make you happy, and what you are willing to give up in your startup dream (as hard it may be) to achieve those missing parts.

Because focusing solely on startup's or on banking on the success of your startup will not help those other parts of your life.

This is the only thing that has worked for me and it worked fantastically:

1) Start with some Black Tea. In my experience the caffeine in black tea causes less of crash than coffee.

2) Hemmingways Hack: http://www.secondactive.com/2009/08/boost-your-productivity-...

3) And the Pomodoro Technique http://www.pomodorotechnique.com This has hemmingsways hack built in. If done right (read the PDF) it is amazing.

-----------------------

As far as that last paragraph, it sounds like your depressed.

Depression is the most common mental health concern in our culture today. The main reason for this phenomenon is our dysfunctional lifestyle. We have stripped away supports such as family and community and replaced them with material objects, larger homes, entertainment centers, and more time at work for money and success, rather than interest, meaning, or passion. The lack of support, connectedness, and meaning leaves people feeling empty, lost, and depressed. These negatives feelings are symptoms trying to tell us that we're being deprived of essential human nutrients: to be seen, heard, and understood. Thus, depression is a healing crisis. -- http://www.wholenesstherapy.com/public/anxiety.htm

Like everyone else has said go see a counselor. You should be talking to some one about these feelings.

To me it sounds like you depression is stemming from a feeling of a lack control and a feeling that you don't have the power to make a change. If you can, I recommend reading this book http://www.amazon.com/Transformation-Understanding-Levels-Ma...

Pretty much everything I endured with Zoloft and therapy didn't make me more confident or helped me accept the fact that I don't like to make mistakes and that in turn makes me like the The Too Many Aptitude Problem - TMA. One thing it did help me with was my suicide thoughts and even stopped me from writing good bye letters.

http://knacks.esmartdesign.com/#Aptitudes_and_Mental_Illness. - TMA

What I am trying to say is that after every thing I endured over the span of a 1 and half I was on Zoloft I really thought I was recovering from my daze I had. I felt better but not cured. But it seemed it caused a worse daze making me just pass through things in my life without real thought. My mind started to seem off and I changed from my true self. I wasn't as social, I was more cautious, and I think I lost the person I was in Senior year. This all came to a realization after I was finally taken off the drug just as my freshmen year of college came to an end.

One thing that can really help is therapy though. So totally give it chance. I know I used the tissues in the room a lot when I talked about what I was going through because his answers/questions always made me really think.

To me any drug with any type of extreme side effects is not a solution but it could be for you. Just a thought.

Take it easy.

Otherwise I don't have much advice except do well for yourself and never be ashamed of it.

Did you always think, "I've got some great things ahead of me", and now you ARE grown up and this IS the future and you're worried about what you have to show for it?

Maybe you want to have great friendships and do great things and all these seem to require so much energy and attention and so many steps to not mess up. If that's the case, I'd say try dialing back, focus on enjoying the journey and less on the result, because really there is no guarantee that the results will be awesome.

You say people respect you for many things but that you have a "terrible" problem with discipline and focus, something I suspect most everyone has. Maybe you're just giving yourself too much pressure and need to take it easy for a few months? Since you're still in school, have a chat with a psychological counselor on campus. To me it sounds like you might be temporarily stressed out or burned out from the efforts of your previous startup.

Peace.

Yeah, did my first relatively successful startup in high school. Got into one of the top incubators(may be even YC). Have many people that would kill to be me. And yet, they don't know about the monsterous rut my life is plagued with--mostly because when I do get my "mojo", I am super productive and successful(even if just for few weeks or months).

I am very hard on myself and hate drama. Yet I find myself turning into that failure I never saw myself becoming and can never accept. Really, I cannot go a life as a failure. I still have plenty of belief that I can change--but it's taken a lot of hit in the last five years of trying and falling back to the same place.

Since you're still in school, have a chat with a psychological counselor on campus.

I'll do this. Last time I went to the school shrink, I was prescribed a pill but I never used the prescription. I got my idea for a startup and most of the issues went away(I got into the incubator; startup failed but still did relatively ok)...but looking back, it seems like it was only a temporary fix.

http://inter-sections.net/2008/08/28/hyperbrain-owners-manua...

http://inter-sections.net/2008/09/01/hyperbrain-owners-manua...

http://inter-sections.net/2008/09/05/hyperbrain-owners-manua...

http://inter-sections.net/2008/09/11/hyperbrain-owners-manua...

http://inter-sections.net/2009/02/23/hyperbrain-owners-manua...

Hope these help!

Go talk to a doctor such as eg a psychiatrist (get a referral from your normal doctor perhaps?) and be very very clear about every relevant anecdote in your entire life about your troubles. Mood/attention disorders can be very frustrating when unmanaged, especially since in many cases when you talk about difficulties that are ultimately due to such to most other people, their response is like "no biggie, just do it" or the like.

That being said, this is just one avenue worth investigating and many of the other posts will probably speak of much more likely applicable approaches.

But seriously, its always a good idea to talk to a doctor when theres nontrivial physical or mental distress that is evading solution.

One thing that strikes me is how long you last with what ever endeavour you undertake... 1 - 2 weeks is very short, especially for a relationship. I don't think that is enough time to genuinely lose interest. I take this to mean that either you didn't really want to do the thing in the first place or are afraid of something.

I don't think medicalising the issue is a good first option, as other people have said. You describe some depressive-like features such as hopelessness, loss of enjoyment, social withdrawal, weird dazes... but once you label this as a disease, it becomes very difficult to deal with it in other than a medical fashion. Having said that, if you are reading about suicide, I would get professional help.

I don't have any particular advice. It may be that entrepeneurial pursuits (which are open ended, with ill defined goals and little feedback) are not the right thing for you at this stage of life. I would also suggest you try something which places no pressure on you, and isn't encompassed by the failure cycle you describe. An example would be some sort of volunteer work, or a (team) sport/hobby. (A startup doesn't count as volunteer work.)

Medical aspects aside, it sounds like you've not been able to find a niche yet. I'm not trying to trivialize this, but you obviously do have some passion (as others note) but you can't channel it in to something productive for very long. It also sounds like you're trying to do this all on your own.

There are people who remain stuck in one routine for years or decades. You have the ability - probably a compulsion - to get in to new situations routinely. Believe it or not, this would be seen as an asset in many organizations. A 'presales engineer' position (if you're technical) might be a great position to get in to, as you're constantly getting in to new situations and people, most of whom you won't need to deal with a few weeks or months after the sale is made.

Without sounding trite, suicide isn't the answer. You've likely got quite a lot to offer. You're on HN after all ;) I hate to just say 'go get counseling and medication' - I think there's probably other things you can do outside of that, or in addition to that course.

I realize I don't know you much, except for what you've posted here, but I really don't think things are as hopeless for you as they may feel right now. I don't think I've had things as bad as you're describing, but I am known for an extreme inability to focus/concentrate on anything for very long. I don't tout it, but have worked on coping strategies over the years. Eventually I found a book by Barbra Sher (http://www.barbarasher.com) - well, she's got a few. Wishcraft might be a decent one to start with. It's free, and while a bit airy fairy at times, might help you to see things in a different light. I was first turned on to Sher when I was reading up on the problem of TMI (Too Many Interests).

http://knacks.esmartdesign.com/#The_Too_Many_Aptitude_Proble... was the first article I'd found, which seemed to describe me to a T. I've since self-diagnosed myself with that 'condition' and went looking for info which would help me learn more about that. There's no 'magic bullet cure', but that bit of self-knowledge has helped me avoid situations which I knew would make me miserable, and have slowly forged a better, more fulfilling life (though even now, I keep changing my goal posts).

The biggest thing I learned from that little journey is that there's nothing 'wrong' (in an absolute sense) with that condition - it's just different.

If you'd care to discuss any of this further, please ping me at any time at mgkimsal@gmail.com or 919-827-4724.

-Robert A. Heinlein

This book: http://www.amazon.com/Refuse-Choose-Revolutionary-Program-Ev... helped me identify myself more.

I got this book for my wife: http://www.amazon.com/Could-Anything-Only-Knew-What/dp/04405... and she said it helped her refocus things.

The takeaway from all of this is that TMA page helped me identify and 'diagnose' (in a loose sense) that condition. The Sher books above helped with some practical advice on how to live and deal, and sometimes thrive, with the condition. Her term for someone with TMA would be 'scanner' , and she's written about scanners for years.

I've been juggling things for a while, and currently I'm a publisher (groovymag and jsmag), a consultant (really just consulting sometimes), a developer (hands on coding), a trainer, speaker (2-3 conferences per year), have written a book, and am working on some other projects for later this year which may help open some doors in to new avenues.

Had I stayed at my job I would have been more compensated financially but far less fulfilled. That said, I still wrestle with feelings of unfulfilledness, and some of that comes down to not being able to execute on all my ideas. What I'd like to do is get to the point where I'm comfortable hiring people to do a lot of the grunt work fulfilling my ideas (I don't particularly care to do the work, I just think it needs to get done).

This doesn't mean I'll never take a traditional full time job again, but I'm a lot more demanding and critical when I talk to potential employers. That still comes up now and then, and I'm a lot of aware of myself and open when talking about employment. Nothing has yet fit the bill, but I'm not shutting the doors to that possibility. I just don't think it'll be likely. It'll need to be a kickass company and/or working in an extremely engaging problem space with some freedom for me to float around some. Very few traditional jobs fit that bill.

I have what I think are some pretty awesome web/software ideas, but I only ever spend a few days in a row working on them because coding requires that sort of singular focus that I can't maintain for much longer than that.

And then now there's potentially (probably) a girl in the mix, so who knows what's going to happen...

Have you heard of the Kolbe spectrum/ test?

It helped me evaluate my strengths/weakness a lot. It's unfortunately not free, which I think prevents it from attaining the credibility it deserves.

I really like the way it thinks: http://www.kolbe.com/ (No affiliation.)

It has a TMA-esque category It really helped me self-diagnose... and diagnose others, heh heh.

Basically it got me off of binary skill judgement of both myself and others. (Less "that person is awesome!" or "that person sucks!" and more about how job design is usually the issue, rather than people.)

It's taken me a long time to stop being as judgmental about people as I've been in the past, and to start recognizing and appreciating the particular skills and qualities others have. It's not easy to recognize in others when you measure everyone (and yourself) against perfection.

I'm not sure many of the psychological tests out there are free, and likely having one 'officially' administered wouldn't be free anyway. I had my IQ tested as an adult a couple years ago by a friend's wife who needed to run these tests as part of her phd work. Apparently it's quite easy to find kids to test, but few adults were willing to put themselves through it. I hadn't realized the 'instruments' cost so much money, but there's a big industry in psychologically measuring and evaluating people. It shouldn't have been a surprise, but it was.

Just like the OP I find it difficult to sustain my interests for a long time. I have been trying for my own startup for the past one and a half years. I start on ideas with very high initial enthusiasm, but in a few weeks I have given up on the idea and jumped to the next exciting one. Looking back on the last one year or so I feel disappointed with myself for wasting possible opportunities. But many thanks to the OP and all other good HN'ers for throwing more light on this issue. I feel I understand myself better now, and i'm going to approach my interests with a new sense of purpose. Thanks again.

"Being given a list of specs and then coding to the specs is just not my kind of thing" I bet creating the architecture for how the problem will be solved in the first place is more your kind of thing. I used to think every programmer wanted to be an architect, then realized a few years ago that wasn't the case.

Hang in there, and keep working at it!

The lack of focus and discipline is something i totally understand, and I think that it might be a product of your your readings if you have in fact worked through say the Kiyosaki books or equivalent. You had a taste of the high from doing your startup, you hopefully learned a whole hell of a lot and you really like that idea(that life) and that's fine. Maybe you were sold on the ideologies they sell, and that's great, they can be achieved, I promise. Maybe it isn't working out for you right now, but you are merely 23. I am 29 now, everything(literally) in my life has changed since I was 23. Education, housing, girls, friends, employment etc.

I think it boils down to a few things really, your entire ambiguity toward life is something i somewhat understand but something you should really address. I think you need to find something to work toward, be it a new start-up or anything. Just because you "failed" once it doesn't mean you'll fail again. Remember that :)

I think you need to simply pick something and get it done, something you can totally get behind.

Maybe you are avoiding something you need to do that you aren't doing? That has been my case in the past.

Also don't go through with suicide. I went through it with my dad a few years ago(he succeeded, after a botched attempt a month earlier).... It isn't something I would wish on my worst enemy's family...

I hope you take care and heed the other advice here, I just felt compelled to weigh in and seeing this phone number from another user here makes me feel a little better about writing here on hacker news.

I have my own concerns about this cycle, but it does have an upside you can channel; I have been picking up new skills left and right. As an example, I am currently fixing up a motorcycle I bought for real cheap. My passion for mechanics has long abated, but I still find it mildly pleasant and I want the goal (getting the bike running). Because I was so deep into cars and motorcycles for a while, I am quite excellent at servicing now. I know exactly what to do without much trouble, which enriches my life by opening doors and extending the life of my vehicles.

Virtually anything complicated enough to be stimulating can work with this cycle. I am currently contemplating diving into nutrition. I'll get completely bored of food after a while, but for the rest of my life I'll have the skills and knowledge to tap into.

If you do everything I say here, it probably won't make you a dynamo overnight. It will help you avoid backsliding, though. Over the next few years, if you are diligent, you will learn new habits.

Step 1: Throw your TV and any video game systems you have in the trash (or more sensibly, disconnect them and put them on craigslist so they are out of your house today). The whole point of startup culture is to give up some fun now (wait, working at a startup IS fun) in exchange for a huge pile of money later. You want to work 80+ hours a week, and probably have a girlfriend too. When does playing Xbox fit in there? In a few years, when you are the founder of a hot, funded startup, you can have an XBOX in your game room. Or you can play it now, and maybe the VC fairy will be impressed by your GTA skills. -- The point is, every minute spent fucking around is a minute you could be working or learning new skills.

Step N: The next time you are wondering "why can't I be productive", imagine a little bell ringing in your head. The bell is there to remind you to sit down and work. If you find yourself browsing reddit or hn or some other site, add entries to your hosts file so that you CAN'T browse those sites. Often the anxiety that keeps a person from being productive is at it's worst at exactly those times that you would otherwise be the most productive. Never visit any distracting site like that from your work area or from your work computer.

Step Na: Give yourself a little goal to accomplish (write it down) when you sit down to work, and don't let yourself get up to do something else (besides restroom breaks) until you accomplish the little goal you wrote down. When you do accomplish it, imagine another 'you' there, and see if that other 'you' would accept the quality of the work if you were an employee. Once you give the work a thumbs up, force yourself to take a 15 minute break. Go outside for a walk, call a friend, just get off the computer. Once you are comfortable with this micro-routine (say after 3 weeks of doing it consistently), check out GTD. Resist the urge to go full on GTD now, however. Most likely you will get distracted setting up notebooks and org-mode or other yak-shaving instead of getting actual work done.

Step X: Make an appointment with a psychiatrist that has experience treating adults with depression, ADHD and anxiety issues. It may help a lot, and it can't hurt.

You might have it too. You might want to get checked.

Yes. Sometimes completely, usually partially.

>I've come super close to getting tested for ADD, each time resisting out of fear that it'll only be another temporary fix(in pills).

OK. I believe you should get tested anyway; testing does not mean you have to follow through with treatment. Benefits from knowing you have ADD include being able to read about it. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Unfocused...

About the pills: it turns out ADD is a chemical problem. I have heard about it being treated with therapy (talking to people) but really, the real fix is pills. In my case at least, there is a hole in my brain shaped like amphetamines (Adderall, Ritalin) and if I take amphetamines I have nothing to envy people without ADD. When I first took them I felt something I had never felt before: an incredible sense of urgency and desire to work.

Is it a temporary fix? In some senses yes, in others, no. It can be temporary in that SSRI's induce tolerance, much like cigarettes or coffee. But this is hardly a Red Queen scenario. Most people with ADDs reach a dose they're comfortable with and can work with from here to forever, with some caveats your doctor can tell you about. I would not compare it to padding your schedule to deal with time overruns due to procrastination. This is a fundamental change in the way your brain works.

And if you don't like the idea of taking pills, consider this: there's really no other way out if you have ADD and are part of the 80% of ADD patients who respond positively to pills.

I highly recommend it.

Consider spending a lot of time alone, or at least outside any institution for a while. Hell is other people. It's hard for me to think clearly when other people's thoughts are an important part of my day.

Consider meditating. (See the recently posted "Mindfulness in Plain English"). I just started, but I'm already getting the same euphoric level of concentration that I get from programming.

If you really get into meditation, consider reading the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. The religious elements don't make sense to me but he understands what mediation does for the mind.

What do I want to do in my life?

From what you described, you have no answer to this question. You can see a psychiatrist, take some drugs, use all the GTD tricks or whatever, if you do not have this goal of what you want to do, this will only make the problem worse. You will be able to do a lot (in fact you already do a lot) but you will still have strictly no reasons to focus on anything.

So go, find a goal. Find friends who can help you to find a goal. Find strangers, too. Go meditate a week long. Do whatever you need to clear your mind and find 1 or 2 things you can do fully (your mind, your body etc.) for at least the next year (you are young, your life goal will change a lot) and do it/them.

You are lucky to ask yourself what is going on in your 20's. If you do not answer this question, imagine getting a standard job + family and then asking yourself the same question with 40... so, do it now and again on a regular basis.

We are all in the same boat and for most of us, the long term goal of our life is just a pleasant string of short/middle term goals with happiness on top of it.

Just wanted to say that I exhibit much the same set of phenomena that you do. I don't ever finish anything I start, I always look for something new, I ride the wave of exhilaration that comes from sinking my teeth into some serious new intellectual problem, coding 18 hour days, and then give up entirely a week later and endlessly refresh HN. I quit jobs and relationships etc. all the time, and then strike up new ones which seem to be destined to last forever.

The difference is that it doesn't bother me so much. I'm quite happy with my life as it is. I think that the need for "production" and "accomplishing goals" etc. is largely a cultural artifact. It's not really important. I think it'd be incredibly boring to be doing the same job for a whole two years.

It stopped bothering me roughly around the time I started exercising (martial arts) and meditating (zazen), so perhaps that has something to do with it. But that's also the time I graduated from school, so maybe it was the newfound freedom that made me happier. Note that I didn't change one bit - I still am a start-only person. It's just that I'm comfortable with it now.

I think you should just enjoy it, if you can.

This pattern has repeated so many times in the last 5 years I have reached a point I don't want to try anything new because of the fear/knowledge that it won't stick.

My point was ... so what if it doesn't stick? Just don't worry about it. So you're a person who starts things but doesn't finish them. Big deal. Just enjoy whatever you're doing while you do it and when you're sick of it and feel like something else, do that. Just go with it.

You can't fight this kind of thing .. just roll with it, accept and enjoy the fact that this is your personality. At least you're not boring!

That mindset is how I deal with this, and it's worked fine for me. You don't have to be or do anything. You're OK already.

You mention some people know this side of you (to what degree?) but that they don't know how to help you. I think it's critical that during this rough patch you're going through, in addition to receiving anonymous advice here on HN, you surround yourself with supportive people in real life. Even if it's just one person that sticks with you through this, that you are completely open to and stay in close touch with about your plans and progress as you try therapy, medication and various other techniques.

For ideas on how to involve other people without having to be embarrassed or being too much of a burden, read about Jane McGonigal's "recovery game": http://blog.avantgame.com/2009/09/super-better-or-how-to-tur...

I wish you all the best.

Also, it's easy to make friend and I agree with you that it's hard to be motivated to stick with them.. However, I'm sure you'll encounter real friend where you won't need to be motivated.. you'll just enjoy being with them as they will be part of your life. Same with girls.. once you'll find someone that you really like (and not only the first kick), you'll be actually happy to spend time with her and she'll help you to get more motivated.

Finally, next with the startup.. once you'll really enjoy your project, it will be so much easier to stick with it and get motivated. And sometime, the best way to motivate you, is to start small and publish something.. with real people around the world waiting for your next version, it really does give a little kick in the but :p

Now I'm starting to get my hopes back up and there are people around me that believe in me. I would highly recommend reading "think and grow rich". Ever heard of the book "the secret"? They ripped off that book.

I often find myself too making new friends only to not keep them after a year or so. Sometimes less. That's part of life.

Find something you like to do and obsess over it. That's what I'm doing now.

Also you will always need balance in your life and the focus and motivation will come.

Again, if you haven't read think and grow, read it and follow the instructions outlined within that book. If you have read it, read the damn thing again.

But I always came back to the fact that I can always do something different. I can drop everything and go back to where I grew up and just take an ordinary job.

Remember that there is nothing more important than your life and desire to succeed at a startup or in corporate America or anything else is just conditioning and not necessarily important at all.

Personally, I took a contract job recently where I can only work 8 hours a day. Its great to hang it up at the end of the day like a normal person.

There's nothing wrong with taking a break from struggling with a startup. Things will come together later. Its not supposed to be so hard anyway. There's a difference between intense creative collaboration and solitary unhappy struggle.

I truly hope this helps.

That's something I cannot come to terms with. I really want to succeed. I know I can succeed if I just became disciplined and focused.

When I've worked on my own, its real easy to get distracted and rationalize putting things off. I'd be lucky to get in a full eight hours.

But working with others, I found myself working many hours beyond even the time we spent directly collaborating. Because I had to deliver on my commitments. I think many people need that.

I always hated anti-depressants and was one of those naive people who say its all in your head, and to an extent it mostly is. The problem is that if its in your head how do you change your way of thinking.

Personally I get pre-occupied with the thought of failure rather than success, and when you constantly think you will fail at something you immediately put you self on the back foot regardless of what you want to do.

Sorry...just a knee-jerk reaction.

Maybe you could see a psychiatrist or doctor? This may be a sign of a problem best treated with medication.

Which self-help programs and books?

After a while they just become noise if you don't have the self-discipline to follow them.

Practice martial arts. Good for exercise, good for confidence, good for chi.

Try Jujitsu. Wake up!

First of all, I know that you probably feel inside that it's wrong for you to be like this, and sometimes you just question why you're a freak. Other times you might question your very existence, and how far you have fallen. After all being hysterical isn't something that you look forward too. I used to feel exactly the same, but then you have those days when everything is beautiful and you are high in ways that is so difficult to define in words. Those days make you wonder even more why you're like this, but the thing is that its okay. There is nothing wrong with you.

I know that this is so clichéd and you hear this all the time, but its true. It takes some time to digest and even more time to accept, but consider the possibility. This curse might actually be a boon in a lot of ways.

Second, is there anyone you love and trust? Talking to people helps a lot, especially when you are down and out. It, in fact, saved my life. I wouldn't be alive bashing this out right now if someone hadn't loved me, guided me and accepted me.

I know that you probably won't talk to them because you don't want to be a burden, but can you imagine how they feel about you? They will in fact be glad that you reached out to them in the darkest moments of your life, and it will show you a side of humanity that most people never see. As this forum proves people can be extremely kind, loving and generous. A lot of people are will go the distance to help you heal. Let them do that.

You are not a burden either. In fact, it's quite probable that you've made a contribution to their life in a way that even you can't define. So, don't plunge the icy dagger of death into them. Reach out to them. Also if you want you can email me at yesthisisananonymousid [at] gmail. (can't post my real id on this forum in case someone from my past reads this)

Third, taking those pills will not be a good experience. At times they are a constant reminder that no matter what you do, what plans you make, what you think, what you dream. You are at the mercy of those tiny bundles of chemicals, and a bunch of receptors in your brain.

DON'T let that stop you from taking them. They are a lifeline in that chaos, and sure there is a cost to taking some of them but it is worth each and every moment. It helps you to breathe in a way that you had long forgotten, and that sense of freedom from your moods is an amazing feeling. Moreover, as time passes on you'll be able to leave that crutch, or reduce it to barely perceptible amounts, and live life free.

Fourth, I want you to know that you really aren't alone. Even though we have never met, and probably never will I want to tell you that I can empathize with you and if you wish I want to be there for you.

Take care.

P.S. - You might get some mileage from the awesome advice lionhearted and others gave me in this thread (http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1484882).

I strongly identify with your feelings - I know that place very well.

Here is the way I hacked it out: 1. Regarding relationships with girls\friend - After years of having too many friends, I understood that almost everyone I met wanted to be friends of mine, this lead to an overload of friends, and made me be not a good friend of a lot of freinds. Once I realized that, I decided to stop socializing with everyone I met, and focus on my closest friends.

Another hack regarding friends - I found that having a certain structure, like meeting every thursday to play poker and playstation - was really good for me.(Of course that I socialize beyond this routine, but this baseline routine with friends really made our friendship strong and fulfilling).

2. Focusing on one thing: I found that working with partners really helps me focus, it is true regarding learning, programming and founding startups.

If you wish to create a new startup - find a partner and make it with him\her - level out with him that you have a focusing problem - and that he should call you out if he sees that you are unfocused or unproductive.

this is very powerful, this discovery has changed my life, it allowed me to open my startups, and today I am the owner of a very successful israeli bootstrapped start up(founded with 2 partners ofcourse).

3. hacking suicide thoughts\meaningless feeling - most important hack of all - imagine being a mountaineer, climbing on the everest, your feet hurt, it is difficult to breath, it is cold, but you still do it because it is your fucking dream.

Now image climbing the everest without a special reason, without having the dream of climbing it - the pain would be the same, but you would hate it so much, it would take so much energy from you, you would be miserable and stop pretty early on.

My point is, my friend - that if you feel that pain overwhelms you - you are currently climbing the wrong mountain(You don't have a burning desire).

You should stop climbing(trying to focus, trying to better yourself, trying to do things) - and decide what is the thing you really want to do. You might not know, you might have some options and you won't be sure which is the "right" dream from you, I can tell you this, life is precious - you should be brave(taking the risk of maybe it is the "wrong" dream) and choose your dream - and fucking go for it full power. Even if in the end you will understand that you didn't "really" want to do that dream, the only true way of finding out is doing it fullpower.

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If all fails - I highly recommend finding a life coach, I have found that they are extremely useful, not trying to figure out whats wrong with you, but just giving you power to do the things you really want to do(and finding out what these things are).

You need to find an environment that fits your personality, you like start ups and can't stay focused? Great you're the support guy, there are always a million little things you can do. When you're not being distracted by support emails / calls you can fix the bugs they want fixed.

Relationship? You're 23, don't worry about it, you don't need a long term relationship right now and probably haven't figured out what you really want in a partner. Exceptional partners are just that, exceptional, you're not going to meet that person everyday. A week or two? That's not a relationship thats getting to know someone.

You can't stay focused on a project for more than two or three weeks? Great, there is a new methodology called agile. It's perfect for you. Your project is now a feature. You have two weeks to implement it. The good news is you're not going to be prone to embarking on any Sisyphean tasks.

If you want inspiration I have a contract due in 6 hours and I'm sitting around posting on HN. I can't focus either.

You need to stop trying to conform to your environment and start trying to find an environment in which your traits are invaluable. Stop beating yourself up over who you're not, start embracing who you are.