I have considered addrell many many times only to hear from close friends that it will turn me into a bot. That's kept me away from it but perhaps I should reconsider...again.
Be careful of what friends tell you about medication or counseling. I've seen someone not get the operation or the right medication for alzheimer because someone said it weakened inhibitions. I've seen people stop taking his medication for psychiatric problems because friend told them they would be better to work it out by themselves, in one case with the result of the person having to remain in hospital for what may be the rest of his life.
Again, ou need a professional to know if it appropriate or not. Everyone fights with their attention spans, changing interests, lazy days and so many flaws we have. The question is really to know if there is a problem or if you just need to learn to know yourself a bit more.
In all cases, suicide has permanent implications to get out of a temporary condition. Even if it looks so bad, stick around, it will get better, or you'll learn how to cope with it better.
I can personally attest to the exact opposite. Aderall literally turned my life around. That doesn't mean that it will do the same for you of course. Just remember that everyone's different and that what works for you may not work for your friends.
Amphetamines (Adderall, Vyvanse, Dexedrine) and methylphenidate (Ritalin/Concerta) are powerful stimulants. They'll give you plenty of energy and ability to focus. This explains why they are rather commonly used by students and other folks.
The life changing aspect, for me, is that they can sometimes break me out a depressive episode. I'll have days sitting around, desperately wanting to work on something, but ending up watching TV, eating, and sleeping. This of course makes me feel bad about having not done anything, which just worsens the situation.
Stimulants can change that. Apart from the energy and focus, they often propel me into doing something. I've taken them, feeling pessimistic and resigning myself to another day of sitting around. But they'll kick in, I'll pull up my laptop, and code 8+ hours straight. That bit of progress alone is enough sometimes to break out of the depressive streak and get on with things.
But please, before starting any medications, make sure you have a psychologist to monitor you. Do not underestimate suicidal thoughts. The closest I've been to suicide is when I tried out an anti-depressive. Medication that can pull you out of depression can also provide you the energy and willpower to follow through with suicide.
Don't jump too far ahead -- medicine is a secondary issue right now. The important thing is to go see someone who is trained in mental health issues and get a diagnosis. When someone is in a depressed state they don't realize how messed up their thinking is -- people end up thinking they must have done something wrong to get in the state they are in. It's very hard to be objective in this situation and almost impossible to self-diagnose.
Any thinking about suicide, even without specific intent, is a symptom of depression.
I tried Adderall for slight ADD for about three weeks when I was an undergrad, and found the initial effect very helpful, but I could feel it degrading even over just two weeks.
That convinced me was an extremely temporary solution at best, so temporary as to not even be worth it.
Later I was walking through Barnes and Nobel and found a book on speed reading in the bargain bin:
Bought it, read it, learned it (somewhat, I still can't read a page a second), and found it improved my focus and concentration (at least on reading and programming) more than anything I'd ever tried, even Adderall.
That may or may not help you, but I'm a believer now.
"I have considered addrell many many times only to hear from close friends that it will turn me into a bot."
People vary enormously in how they respond to brain drugs, and each drug is different too. You just have to try them and see if you can find a dose where the benefits outweigh the costs. If it doesn't work, all you have lost is a little time and money. (Well, some drugs can be dangerous, but Adderall and friends generally are not.)
