I have never delved into the issue, but the model that Japan and other countries have adopted where the young take care of the old, has always seemed to me the most humane and stimulating solution for the elderly. I don't feel it corresponds well with how modern society works, and my impression is that that model is fading in popularity in Japan as well, but I certainly believe there are innumerable positives to extract from that kind of care-taking.
Along with other speculation such as a seafood-heavy diet, it seems to me to be the reason that Japanese people live the longest.
(Nope, not a single thread of evidence in my post, Sorry. A quick google search somewhat agrees though)
There's some side effects of the custom as well. For example, in Japan and Korea (and possibly parts of China), the custom is for the woman to move in with the husband's family where she'll spend most of her time providing household services and attending her parents-in-law every wish. Her mother-in-law, having done the same thing is now ready to relinquish her role as the home caretaker and well...mother-in-law/daughter-in-law friction (at truly dysfunctional levels) is a common theme in conversation, movies, tv shows, books, etc.
In Korea, being cursed with a difficult mother-in-law is a leading cause of divorce.
It more or less guarantees to take women out of the workforce as they now have a house to run, take care of the kids and the in-laws. And unless you don't have kids or your husband's parents are dead or otherwise able to care for themselves, there's nothing you can do about it.
Not surprisingly Japan and South Korea have among the lowest female workforce participation among OECD countries.
It also means that incentive for higher education among women is mostly as a social marker for marriage, but then any education is thrown away once she gets married (and especially once she has a child).
This also puts enormous pressure on the husband to be the sole provider for himself, his wife, any kids, and his parents.
What about the daughter-in-law's parents? Well, they better have had a son at some point who finds a wife who will take care of them.
The list of social issues that come from this arrangement are long and madness inducing to study (or live with).
I get what you're saying.. but "thrown away", really? Education's only purpose is work? An educated majority within society is desirable regardless of unemployment rates, and an educated mother will tend to provide with more opportunity for her children and create a virtuous cycle of good base education. That of course ideally should be provided by just as much contact with an educated father as with a mother, and I agree with the rest of what you said.
No that's true. But I think it's important to recognize education as a tool for learning and improvement vs. education as a social status marker so you can ensure you marry at the right level.
I'm frequently disappointed when some of my friends, who are otherwise wildly educated and smart, with great careers, simply drop completely out of their field for no other reason than they finally met a man who can support her at the prestige level she's worked so hard to obtain.
> There's some side effects of the custom as well.
Is this truly a side effect of the idea itself, or is this peculiar to Asian culture?
I'm a man, but if we had to care for my in-laws, I wouldn't consider this a burden. If anything, the opposite is quite true... my in-laws have always helped my wife and I through rough spots when they could.
We could adopt the custom without all of the baggage you describe, if we were so inclined.
1) If you don't want to care for your in-laws, there's little social safety net for them to retire on. Society is structured around this form of retirement.
2) Many women are now choosing not to get married in order to avoid being their mother-in-law's personal servant.
One of my Korean friends who married a Canadian man told me that one of the greatest perks of having a Canadian husband was that she did not have a demanding mother-in-law. They are legendary in Korea. Whether or not all mother-in-laws are as evil as they are sometimes portrayed, in general it is safe to say that they are somewhat more demanding, and the cultural expectations of a daughter-in-law are greater than in the mainstream Canadian context. My friend loves that during family gatherings she is a guest in her mother-in-law’s house instead of a worker serving men who do nothing but socialize and drink. She loves that she is not responsible for cleaning her mother-in-law’s house and does not have to prepare the enormous amount of food necessary for ancestral memorial rituals (and then be excluded from the ceremony because she is a woman). For her, marriage to her husband is about her relationship with her husband and not duty toward her mother-in-law.
I agree that there's cultural aspects of this. But there are always side effects of some sort. So adopting a model like this might mean that some of the unintentional side effects might come along as well.
It is the most humane for the elder, I'll agree with that. But the sheer amount of stress and expectation it puts on the next generation?
Not to mention the total nullification of privacy. Not everything I do I want my parents to see, and I'm not even gay, transgender, of a different religion than my parents, or any other controversial topic your parents might disown you for.
And you thought having kids was bad? Try dealing, day to day, with your dementing parents that shit themselves and do not recognize you anymore.
Indeed! As i said in my original post, I find it extremely hard to reconcile the Japanese model with modern society.
As a community of problem-solvers I feel it's important to always describe possible causes, effects and solutions to present a clear image of a situation.
> Deliberate use of colour cues can also help significantly. For example, one study with people with advanced Alzheimer's disease showed that changing to highly visible red cups and plates led to a 25 per cent increase in food intake and an 84 per cent increase in liquid consumption. Brightly coloured toilet doors have also been used successfully in a variety of care settings to help people with dementia find the toilet independently, and more readily.
But these losses of visual ability are masked when someone is in their familiar home. People don't realise that the older person can't see the mug - they just assume the older person is not thirsty.
There are many other reasons, many elder people are very active physically especially when compared to NA car/suburb lifestyle. This summer I hiked climbed quite a bit in Japanese alps and was struck by number of people in their 60s-70s with massive backpacks, hiking up scary trails at 2-3k elevation. Sometimes I felt scared for them(a couple that we passed on a really scary traverse in rain and lashing wind, both were probably late 60s early 70s?). That are has about 30 lethal accidents a year and since one has to die anyway, might as well fall to your death doing something awesome. This is absolutely different then when I hike climb in Rockies for example, there are always few really hardcore alpinist/climber old school guys in their 60s but almost no retirees doing anything past trailer camping.
On less extreme side, my inlaws play mallet golf religiously. Wake up every day at 6am then they spend most of the day walking around playing, they have a whole room dedicated to their trophies.
Parents usually live alone but close to their children. I think the biggest factor is that most of the elderly don't just sit at home on vacation once they retire. Most people participate in some kind of class to keep their minds sharp. My volunteer Japanese class is almost entirely made up of retirees.
I don't want to burden my kids like that. If that was the only option, I'd make sure to have an "accident" before I reach the point where I can't take care of myself any more.
Having watched the disease developed up close, the problem is that there is a very good chance you'll never be aware that you can't take care of yourself or even that you are approaching that point.
Or just tell it like it is. http://deadatnoon.com/ As I watch my mother go from 'mild cognitive impairment' to dementia and now Alzheimer's, I think this is the path I want to take when it's time.
Japan also has a strong social bond culture where elders will stay friend and meet often making their lives much more meaningful. Seen in a documentary.
Along with other speculation such as a seafood-heavy diet, it seems to me to be the reason that Japanese people live the longest.
(Nope, not a single thread of evidence in my post, Sorry. A quick google search somewhat agrees though)