You learned one of the basic rules of writing good headlines. Don't overstate it. Always get to the point. Quick!
Your first one was really bad.
Show HN: ChargeBack.cc – Battling the last frontier in payments
It has a Star Trek reference, and no mention of what is it that you do. Bad headline. Good for learning.
The next one is worse.
Show HN: ChargeBack.cc – an innovative solution to a messy problem
A messy problem? You know what products relate to messy problems? Diapers, toilet paper, tampons, etc. Really bad headline. Its actually quite funny, though.
The final headline is perfect. Not because of Adwords, but due to the fact that you just gave up on trying to be clever (which is the worst thing you can do on copywriting), and were just honest and straight to the point.
Show HN: ChargeBack.cc – Get your money back
Lets break it down:
Show HN: - Addressing your audience directly.
Chargeback.cc - Mentioning the product in the headline.
Get your money back - Clearly stating what pain it aims to ease.
Writing clever headlines or copy is the worst thing you can do. The people who will read your ad dont have time to figure out what is it that you want to tell them. Its as if I went door to door and tried to sell people some newspapers by telling them about the press the paper gets printed on. Who cares? Next time you need to write some marketing copy dont be clever. Its a waste of time.
Using adwords for writing headlines is clever, but not smart. Because you dont know how effective those ads are (probably not very), and which market it aims to sell to. You are better off reading a good copywriting book.
It's an oldie but a goodie. It talks a lot about split testing from the print days -- catalogs, newspaper classifieds, etc. Writing headlines gets its own chapter. Really great book. Really easy to read and understand. The current edition is the 5th edition. You can get it from Amazon.
I can't recommend http://copyhackers.com/ highly enough. The blog and mailing list are good, the ebooks are excellent. Joanna has figured out how to teach geeks to write powerful copy.
The adweek copywriting book by Joe Sugarman is full of great stuff. You should also buy the cheap fake gossip newspapers in the supermarket and study the ads. You will learn a bunch from them.
Your first one was really bad.
Show HN: ChargeBack.cc – Battling the last frontier in payments
It has a Star Trek reference, and no mention of what is it that you do. Bad headline. Good for learning.
The next one is worse.
Show HN: ChargeBack.cc – an innovative solution to a messy problem
A messy problem? You know what products relate to messy problems? Diapers, toilet paper, tampons, etc. Really bad headline. Its actually quite funny, though.
The final headline is perfect. Not because of Adwords, but due to the fact that you just gave up on trying to be clever (which is the worst thing you can do on copywriting), and were just honest and straight to the point.
Show HN: ChargeBack.cc – Get your money back
Lets break it down:
Writing clever headlines or copy is the worst thing you can do. The people who will read your ad dont have time to figure out what is it that you want to tell them. Its as if I went door to door and tried to sell people some newspapers by telling them about the press the paper gets printed on. Who cares? Next time you need to write some marketing copy dont be clever. Its a waste of time.Using adwords for writing headlines is clever, but not smart. Because you dont know how effective those ads are (probably not very), and which market it aims to sell to. You are better off reading a good copywriting book.