To provide some balance to this article. Two weeks ago my wife took our kid to another child’s birthday party. The family had rented a bounce house so they invited neighbors and their kids over to have fun as well. Food was done as a potluck. One neighbor decided to bring a crock of THC infused chili to this kids party and decided not to tell anyone. My wife and about 8 others were dosed without their knowledge when they ate the chili. Luckily none of the kids at the party had any. This did impact us as my wife was breastfeeding our newborn and had to stop for a while in order to prevent any thing from passing to the baby. So, of course this article is satire and no one is maliciously sticking fentanyl in candy. However, people can do strange things for strange reasons. My wife had a large enough helping of chili that she felt the effects into the next day.
The need to tell people about "this thing happened" is strangely disconnected from reality and more grounded in an emotional rating of "how much do I want to tell people this fact".
Alright, I'll come clean too. I'm the person who fills airplane tanks with the mysterious chemtrail chemicals. A passion project, if you will. While most people are settling into a weekend binge-watching session or a leisurely brunch, I head off to undisclosed airfields. There, in the broad-dayling—because honestly, who even notices—I load up barrels full of vaccines and connect them to the exhaust systems of commercial jets. Cute that you thought they were just contrails, really.
Why do this, you wonder? What's the motivation behind converting passenger jets into giant flying syringes? Trust me, it's not for monetary gain. The vaccines aren't cheap, and pilots are increasingly hard to bribe with just cookies and backstage passes to conspiracy theory conventions. No, it's simpler than that: it's about public health, disguised as a hobby. Some people build ships in bottles; I build herd immunity one contrail at a time.
People do murder each other's children from time to time. This does happen.
If you want to murder someone's children, and those children are known for taking all the candy in a "take 1" honor-system bowl, then poisoning candy might be a means to your end.
I expect the odds of being poisoned on Halloween are less than 1/1000 the odds of being run over by a car.
Watch for cars and maybe hang glow sticks on your kids, or give the a flashlight, or use reflective tape or something.
There's no aftermath to this? No police involvement? No neighboorhood mob, delighted by a legitimate opportunity to beat someone up? Just, your tooth hit a razor, is where the story ends with a shrug and "some people do shit like this"?
The only time it ever happened was once in the 70s. A guy bought pixy stix, opened them up, laced the candy with cyanide, closed them with a stapler so they were clearly adulterated, and then gave the candy to his children and a few of their friends. His intention was to murder his children to collect life insurance because he was over 100k in debt. His son ate the candy and died. He died quickly and his death was linked to the candy quickly enough that police recovered the other adultered candy before another other children died
He was fairly quickly identified as a suspect and then caught. Somehow over the years this story of a shithead scumbag father murdering his child morphed into the idea that a stranger would adulterate candy for the fun of it, which as far as I am aware has never happened. Unless the original poster isn’t lying which would likely be able to be substantiated fairly easily as they clearly knew which house gave out the apples so the perpetrator would be easily identified. Or maybe we’re supposed to believe they found a razor in their children’s candy and just let it go without reporting anything to the police or media, who would obviously pounce on the one time in history this urban legend finally came true aside from a sociopath father trying to pull insurance fraud.
As horrible as that story is, I don’t think that fears about poisoned candy go back to that alone. In the 1980s there were a number of real examples of the general American public being poisoned – for example the Chicago tylenol murders[0] and the salmonella attack by the Rajneesh (Osho) cult[1], Because the USA is such a low trust society in general, it’s only to be expected that people’s fears would settle on the candy given out by strangers.
