As a long time hospice spouse, I wonder if "Living with cancer" might better capture what matters. The battle metaphor often leads to medical approaches that reduce quality of life and induce pointless suffering. Accepting the inevitable fact of mortality isn't necessarily surrender, sometimes it is innate wisdom.
On that note, I really liked this conversation of D. G. Mayers (who died of cancer in September) regarding this topic. A small excerpt:
"Tony Gwynn died recently, just last month, of salivary gland cancer. (…) He was a great ball player, and a great man. He had salivary gland cancer for 8 years. (…) Every article about Gwynn's death quite rightly celebrated his prowess on the ball field and what a wonderful man he was. The last 4 and a half years of his life disappeared from all of the accounts. The only thing they ever said was that he had a 4-and-a-half year "battle" with cancer. And you know how much I hate that word, "battle." (…) You know, his experience of it--he continued to coach baseball at San Diego State. How did it affect his coaching? What did it do to his religious faith? How did it alter his relationship with his wife? All of this went unsaid, and it just disappeared into one word--battle."
This seems like very good idea to me. It is good enough that I will try to remind people in-person and online about it.
I have given eulogies before. I have focused on only things I wanted to remember and perhaps things I thought others would want to remember--not that there's anything majorly wrong with that. It is not easy to devise guidelines about what should and should not be communicated. But, I do think it is a disservice to someone's life with a disease to be summarized with a single word or short phrase--ESPECIALLY if that time frame is many years.
In summary, I see the issues as:
- Individuals summarizing another person's experience with a disease or condition using single words or short phrases such as "battle" or "long fight"
- Focusing only on periods of their life prior to to their diagnosis
- The ignoring of accomplishments, day-to-day realities of life, significant persons, significant places, etc. after their diagnosis
There are attitudes toward cancer and death that are drawn from another perspective. The concern is that by describing another person's life as "fighting cancer" we ascribe that perspective to the other person without respecting how that person actually views [or viewed] their life.
Life is much more than a fight. Even life with cancer. Take a look at Steve Jobs. His "fight" wasn't publicized (likely because that's what he preferred), but he did accomplish things while also living with cancer that were publicized.
Shouldn't it be the same for others who live with cancer?
