Opening line: Databases are the beating heart of every business in the world
Well that's not remotely true, is it? Not even close. Is it really a good idea to lead with something so obviously untrue? If you're trying to convince me of something (i.e. that this product is good), putting such a jarring, obvious falsehood right at the start is a bad idea. I'm wondering if they're deliberately spoofing their own seriousness, but I see nothing else in there to support that.
This line didn't bug me so much. Would you have been okay with something subtly milder? e.g.
Databases are at the beating heart of every business in the world
or even:
Data is the beating heart of every business in the world.
Depending on how generous a reader is feeling, either still not true or a massive hyperbolic exaggeration that stretches the word "database" far beyond its actual definition; I'd wonder (in fact, I actually am wondering this) if they were living in some kind of bubble.
Well that's not remotely true, is it? Not even close. Is it really a good idea to lead with something so obviously untrue? If you're trying to convince me of something (i.e. that this product is good), putting such a jarring, obvious falsehood right at the start is a bad idea. I'm wondering if they're deliberately spoofing their own seriousness, but I see nothing else in there to support that.