The effects you describe are probably specific to the individual. Having worked for several companies from tiny startups to gigantic megaliths, I can tell you that I never felt any of those things regardless of my equity package. I may be cynical, you may be naive, or both.
Companies succeed by being in the right place at the right time, being lucky, having good connections, and having leaders who make the right decisions. If any of those is missing, failure is certain. If they're all present, failure is merely likely. As a rank and file employee, you can sometimes cause a very small company to fail but you can never make any company successful. You're just there to execute; execution is at least somewhat necessary but never anywhere near sufficient.
The idea that making my economic outcome dependent on so many factors over which I have no control whatever is not merely expedient or regrettably unavoidable but explicitly fair would be silly if it were not so abhorrent.
On the last point, it's about fairness in the other direction.
If an organization like Youtube/PickYourUnicorn sells for a billion plus dollars with only a small handful of employees, all of which are talented and have put in long hours, would it be fair for only the VCs and founders to see the upside?
I do think it's fair. Is it fair that I'm not going to return any of my pay if things go poorly? The investors took the risk of paying me a market salary (no discounts, sorry) to make something there was no assurance anyone would want. They deserve the rewards or the losses as the case may be. That their profits in bubbles like this will be silly relative to the value they've created does not justify greed on my part.
If you still think there's a problem here, pay market wages and let anyone who chooses come along on their own dime on any subsequent funding round at fair value. No vesting/expiring options, no stock grants, no look-back, no discount, no limits, just the opportunity to be an investor -- in the moment -- on the same terms as everyone else. Just make sure (non-)participation is 100% confidential. I think very few of your employees genuinely want to be capitalists, but those who do should have to put cash on the barrelhead like everyone else.
Companies succeed by being in the right place at the right time, being lucky, having good connections, and having leaders who make the right decisions. If any of those is missing, failure is certain. If they're all present, failure is merely likely. As a rank and file employee, you can sometimes cause a very small company to fail but you can never make any company successful. You're just there to execute; execution is at least somewhat necessary but never anywhere near sufficient.
The idea that making my economic outcome dependent on so many factors over which I have no control whatever is not merely expedient or regrettably unavoidable but explicitly fair would be silly if it were not so abhorrent.