Hey jokoon, you're clearly in a rut, and it's clouding your thinking and decision making. Your attitude needs to shift from where it is because, presently, it's so negative that it amounts to self-sabotage. I would suggest seeking some help, any help. It'll be lousy, and you'll have to wade through a different morass of bureaucracy, and unhelpful people, but eventually I strongly feel you'll be able to shift yourself from where you are.

Things don't magically get better in other countries. Each has it's own set of crap that people there have to deal with. But you know this.

Bonne chance.