"One of the things that really messes with my brain is how hard I'm trying to make sure my daughter has an unfair advantage in life. Not just in terms of education, etc, but even in terms of expectations and aspirations. How do you tell your kid to work hard so they can be anything they want to be, when you your own circumstances belie that assertion?"
Make sure, in doing so, you make her aware of the advantages that she has been given, so that she's aware that, as hard as she's worked, it is not merely her hard work that gets her to where she is, and those that don't make it didn't just not make it because they didn't put in the effort.
Brilliant comment. Awareness and acknowledgement of the advantages one has been given can often make a difference between people who put in some effort to ensure that others can do the same and people who believe they are somehow superior and those who did not make it are worthless.
Make sure, in doing so, you make her aware of the advantages that she has been given, so that she's aware that, as hard as she's worked, it is not merely her hard work that gets her to where she is, and those that don't make it didn't just not make it because they didn't put in the effort.