The thing I found to be most offensive is that it does 24 passengers at a time. That's really what makes it creepy. It's like they're not even trying to make your death special. If I'm going to die on the most lethal roller coaster ever designed, I don't want the last thing I see to be the backs of 22 screaming heads. And do you really need to kill 360 people an hour? Is demand for suicide really that high? I don't think so. Pull out 23 of those seats and put in a few video cameras. And play me Ride of the Valkyries or something on the way down so I can go out feeling like a badass.
And don't "unload" me. You build a massive corpse ejector into that train that launches my body through the air across the people waiting in line onto a giant trampoline over a body funnel. I'll roll right into the plastic souvenir coffin, which my family can purchase at the photo booth along with the final video for $49.99, with free drink refills included for the duration of their stay at the park.
Wow where do I start with this? I LOLed at least 3 times reading this, but the idea that this is at a theme park with other rides is probably the best part.
You in the front seat, headphones with ride of the valkyries, and 23 other people who haven't spent as much time thinking about it as you (probably the vast majority of people who are contemplating suicide) and you get your wish without compromising the efficiency of the machine.
If I wanted my death to be boring and efficient, I could do that without building a 500-ton suicide machine. This method requires some measure of spectacle, hoopla, and even a bit of ballyhoo. What I really want is for a kid to see me die and tell himself, "Now I want to be a terminal metastatic oncology patient when I grow up, because I will never in my whole existence see anything as awesome as that guy's crowning moment of self-euthanasia, unless I can also strap myself in to the very same harness and dare to dream of dreams beyond sleep." And wow, is that kid precocious, or what?
And don't "unload" me. You build a massive corpse ejector into that train that launches my body through the air across the people waiting in line onto a giant trampoline over a body funnel. I'll roll right into the plastic souvenir coffin, which my family can purchase at the photo booth along with the final video for $49.99, with free drink refills included for the duration of their stay at the park.