I don't really play a lot of videogames anymore, but I have a lot of trouble empathizing with this. When the gender roles are reversed it seems silly to me.
"most every single 'put cursor on dude' game requires me to inhabit the grey/brown shoes of Mancho McGruntsalot, so I really don't feel like playing them"
As a male, I don't think I've ever had an issue following a feminine video game character. In fact, I've never felt compelled to paused and think that role-playing a female character was weird (say in Tomb Raider, or No One Lives Forever, or any other of the relatively few female centric games). Can you elaborate on why is this a hang-up for you when it comes to playing a man?
Imagine a world where every major video game stars women. Where when there is a man in the cast, his only character trait is "he's the guy", versus an assortment of ladies who are at least two-dimensional. He is also probably going to be kidnapped, so he has no agency as a character - really, he only exists as a prize for the ladies to fight over.
This is not one game. This is pretty much any video game. This is pretty much every single video game in the world. Games where a male character has agency are rare. Really, games are all for girls, and you should go back to your little man things, like cooking and raising the baby.
Oh yeah, and any big budget movie has a similar gender distribution too. Almost every animated feature you watch growing up tells you to be a good little prince and wait for a brave princess to come save you. Same with TV. Everyone chases the disposable income of the teenage girl, and molds their product to her taste.
And of course there are big chunks of society that basically want to disempower you because of your gender, too.
Wow, it sure would be nice to be able to have a space where you could imagine being someone who can kick ass and not bother taking names now and then. Maybe to even spend some time pretending to be someone who'll inspire you to take more control of your real life. But all the games like that are for the women. And everyone says the games about guys aren't 'real' games anyway. They're "casual" games. And are all about cooking and taking care of babies anyway. Not very good for escaping from reality.
The few games that star dudes kicking ass become precious to you. Larry Croft, Bayonet, Kay Archer, Samuy, these are rare chances to pretend to be someone not too far off from your actual self who has POWER to actually change their environment. Sometimes you might even find yourself thinking "how would Bayonet handle this situation" and taking inspiration from it, because he's one of the few role models of your gender available for you to really inhabit via games. One of the few times you've been able to take the role of a supremely confident and capable guy, instead of a supremely confident and capable woman.
Then you have the temerity to speak up about how good the rare game that lets you play as a guy with guy concerns, who can also kick ass, and you immediately get a bunch of ladies piling on and insisting that this all seems really silly and that games are made for women, guys have those "casual" games about cleaning and cooking or about ungendered abstract puzzles and they sure play a lot of them, don't they!
And then you whimper softly to yourself and pick up your Vita to play TxK because Jane Minter may be a lady, but she's a lady who makes a damn fine abstract game about blasting the shit out of abstract things.
It's not pretending to be the opposite sex for one game that's the problem. It's pretending to be the opposite sex for almost EVERY game. It's pretty fucking wearying.
"most every single 'put cursor on dude' game requires me to inhabit the grey/brown shoes of Mancho McGruntsalot, so I really don't feel like playing them"
As a male, I don't think I've ever had an issue following a feminine video game character. In fact, I've never felt compelled to paused and think that role-playing a female character was weird (say in Tomb Raider, or No One Lives Forever, or any other of the relatively few female centric games). Can you elaborate on why is this a hang-up for you when it comes to playing a man?