You've hit the nail on the head. This is why I don't get when people say that, for want of a better term, geek culture is hostile to group X, when really, if you want to be or be accepted by "geeks" then it's on you to fit in, same as it would be in any profession with a strong culture. Want to be a lawyer and dress like a slob? Good luck with that. Want to be a tree surgeon but hate heights...?