You can do all of these things and it won't make you happy. Barring any clinical depression issues, "happiness" is a choice to accept the conditions in which you live and to just Be Happy. If you ever start a sentence with "I'll be happy when..." then you are not ever going to be happy.
I had to learn this the hard way. Almost everything I owned was destroyed in a flood a couple of years ago. I watched one of my housemates freak out and cry for days about it. It couldn't have been shoved in my face harder that the choice was mine. I could assume that happiness came from the lifestyle I designed for myself, as my housemate did, and therefore it had just been completely destroyed with no hope of coming back any time soon. Or, I could assume happiness was a state of being that could be achieved at any point in time, no matter what was going on: that there are no prerequisites to happiness.
And suddenly, I was happy.
And then I met my wife. And I got to more work that I loved, rather than needed. And found a modicum of success in my consultancy. And got out of debt. And made a lot of new, wonderful friends. After years of being unhappy and getting nowhere on the goals that I thought would make me happy, I flipped a switch and found out that the goals required happiness out of me.
I had a strange moment of mental serenity during an earthquake a couple of years ago. Furniture was rolling around the place and glass was smashing, my heart rate was about 180 and my respiration the same, but I had a moment of complete mental quiet as I realised it didn't matter what got lost or broken.
I've never really believed that "you don't own your stuff - your stuff owns you"; I've always thought that was claptrap. But it was interesting to me that in the face of losing all my stuff it didn't really bother me too much.
Yeah, when I first saw the damage from the flood, I said to myself, "funny that the microwave that I never use wasn't destroyed". And at that very moment, the stack of cardboard boxes it was sitting on finally gave way and dumped the thing into hip-high water.
Sometimes, the universe provides enough randomness to just let you stumble on counterexamples to your theorems.
I read a book awhile back that kind of embodies the points you made about happiness. It is titled "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy" [1].
I feel like your story about the flood would have fit right in with the theme of the book.
One story from the book concerns Musonious, a stoic who is exiled from his home, deprived of his country, family and friends and ultimately forced to live on a "worthless", barren island. Even through all this he is still is able to find happiness by changing his state of mind about his circumstances.
When I was at university I was very unhappy. One night, sitting alone in my flat, I experienced a moment of total contentment - pretty much out of the blue. I've only experienced such a moment twice in my life; to be so totally at peace with everything. The other time was when I was thirteen, wandering around town at night, and looked up at a really beautiful shot of the moon.
After the second time, I told myself that the key to being happy was to stop being unhappy - that it was a state of mind. But it didn't work. I had no idea how to just make a choice to be happy, or even to stop being sad. Just recognising that it was true didn't change anything for me - despite having experienced that it was possible. I can make a choice to pick up a pencil but I can't even visualise happiness - it's not an object I can represent in my head as something I can perform operations on in the same sense that numbers are.
I wasn't really happy until I left university and started doing things that I cared about.
One of my friends, who used to do a lot of drugs, wasn't really happy until she got her husband and kid.
I'm not gonna say it's different for everyone, because there are obviously common themes. But I suspect there are some variances in how people are wired up. (For example of another instance of people being wired up differently, some people count audibly in their heads, whereas others visualise numbers - and this is testable by asking groups of people to speak and count a certain period of time out. (See What Do You Care What Other People Think? )) As such, while I'd urge people to try just being happy, if they can, I'd hesitate to tell people that if they think they need something to be happy they're never going to be happy. I've seen people who think they need things to be happy, and after getting those things they seem subsequently to have been happy.
I'm getting to this point in my life right now. Realising and trying to accept happiness is a state of mind. It's rather new to me and it's a struggle most days. Any advice?
In the early days, it was easy for me with the flood fresh in my mind, I could say, "at least I didn't get dysentery." Living in a 1st world country tends to give one a lot of things for which they should really rather be grateful.
I try to remember that I live in the absolute best times in history. 200 years ago, even kings couldn't live as well as I do, now. I've got air conditioning. I've got running water that is both hot AND cold. None of my family died from tuberculosis. I can be reasonably sure nobody is going to invade my country and kill my kin. I don't personally know anyone who has ever had dysentery.
And sometimes I just wallow in sadness. It feels good sometimes. Sleep in. Eat a cheeseburger. Eat 3 cheeseburgers. Play a video game. Play a video game for 5 hours. Sometimes things have to get worse before they are big enough to get rid of.
It's a conscious decision, every day. That's part of why I go by "moron4hire". It's a reminder that, despite my ambitions and my progress, I'm a base idiot compared to some other people. I still work and try to do more, but it's because I know that it will help people, not because it will make me happy.
For me, it's simply about making the choice again and again. It still hasn't become natural, but the realisation itself that I have a choice to be happy is helpful, even if I sometimes struggle with actually making the choice.
Well, if you just imagine for a second that you're dead now, and none of the happy things are available for you: walking. smiling, talking, even breathing. Nothing. You can't lift your hand and your hand is not yours. If you really Can imagine this, then none of the struggles are left. Life is freedom to be happy Every single moment. Or not to be. You decide:).
That gratitude habit helps. Try writing down 3 things a day for a few weeks that you're grateful for. It'll force you to actively seek positive, fulfilling things in your life. Hopefully it'll soak up some of the time you would spend thinking about things you're lacking.
The best trick I know for "improving affect" is very counter-intuitive. Think about something good that happened to you, and really changed things. Now imagine how much worse your day (or your life!) would be without that event. Ten seconds, and presto! Your mood improves!
I always laugh when these articles show up and every other tip is about finding a way to pack a little exercise or a little recreation into a jam-packed schedule. You too can do some pushups in between checking 200 emails at your standing desk and running to your 17th appointment of the day! (Maybe you would be happier if you had a more relaxed schedule?)
The flip side of that coin is that there is no such thing as a magic amount of free time where you will suddenly be able to exercise, meditate, cook your own meals, or whatever you want to do. It can either always be fit in or never be fit in in my experience.
It absolutely can. I used to be pretty overweight. And I, too, had 17 appointments and 200 emails a day. So naturally, my excuse for not hitting the gym every day was, "I don't have time". I've heard that same excuse a thousand times from a thousand people. I went on a run every couple of weeks to make myself feel like I had done my fitness duty, but that was the most I ever did.
And then one day I took the plunge, I accidentally woke up early and decided to go to the gym (my family had a membership). I didn't even know what to do, really. I jogged on a treadmill for a bit, jostled around on a few weight machines, did a few dumbbell curls. I felt like a dumbass who didn't belong there. And I was sleepy. It sucked.
But then I woke up an hour and a half early the next morning and I did it again. And again. Every fucking day. It eventually started sucking less and less.
Two weeks later I had streamlined my gym visit (waking up -> changing -> pre-workout drink -> drive to gym -> workout -> home -> shower -> protein -> work) to 65 minutes and change. And I felt (and actually looked) better than I had in years.
Three years later, and my workout is now an immutable part of my day. It's on my calendar, whether I'm working or on vacation. In town or overseas. And nobody fucks with those 65 minutes that I never had time for back in the day.
>>The flip side of that coin is that there is no such thing as a magic amount of free time where you will suddenly be able to exercise, meditate, cook your own meals, or whatever you want to do. It can either always be fit in or never be fit in in my experience.
I think I know; this always comes up in discussions of time management, self-improvement, etc. One argument says "if it's valuable to you, you'll make time for it." Which is true as it stands, and can be inspirational - it can be extended to "make time for what truly matters to you." The reality is that it's harder to break bad habits and develop good ones than most people think. I like to say "people can change, but most won't". Some of PG's essays follow along these lines, especially when he uses analogies of running (I think "Hardest Lessons for Startups to Learn" was one prime example).
A sure-fire way to increase your happiness is to work out. Do 40 pushups a day for a week, see how your mood improves. Your body is meant to be exercised, don't deprive it of movement and muscle ache.
When I used to go to the gym I remember always sleeping soundly, always waking up feeling awesome and always having a great feeling throughout the day. Can't recommend it enough.
And if you can't do 40, do five. And if you can't do straight pushups, do knee pushups. And if you can't do five, do one. Then two. Then five. Then 40. But don't rush it, just do what you can and then a little more.
Seconded. People often get overwhelmed at the scope of "become more fit" once they've finished a workout or two. Doing it one small accomplishable bit at a time is a totally valid way of building a fitness habit, and is NOT something to be ashamed of. And for the RPG nerds here this is exactly how you level-up IRL.
In my personal experience I did 40 pushups every other day for months and my fitness level and happiness did not noticeably increase. Also did curls, tricep moves with 25 lb dumbbell. And crunches.
Then I got a weight set where I could progressively add weight every week. And ate more and had appetite. That finally made a difference in fitness level and mood.
Bodyweight exercises can be made progressively more difficult, too; it's just that it's not quite as obvious how to do it. But there's definitely a mindset that a pushup is a pushup is a pushup, which is sort of limiting. There are a number of programs out there that offer stepped progressions for bodyweight exercises that provide a similar ladder to freeweight work (working, for example, from knee pushups through, eventually, to one-armed pushups). Not saying that's the right way to go for everyone, but the barrier to entry for bodyweight exercises is satisfyingly low, and for some people, not having the excuse of "I can't exercise because I can't go to the gym" and/or "I can't exercise because I don't have X equipment" is a net win.
Yes you can do a bare minimum but without progress you may lose motivation. After a while you get used to the slightly better feeling and slightly better sleep. May get bored with it only to go back to the occasional workout. That was me. I needed a more noticeable result.
Progressing to complex bodyweight exercises is trickier. Lifting weights properly is technical enough, planche, even headstand pushups weren't going to happen for me. I made every form mistake you can make with weights. Mistakes with complex bodyweight moves halt progress.
I started last year doing 5 pushups first thing when I got to work in the morning. Now I do 50 pushups every morning.
If your office has treadmill desks, use them! I swear I get more coding done on the treadmill than I do sitting at my desk. (it could also be the fact that fewer people bother me on the treadmill.)
I started doing the seven-minute workout before I showered and ate breakfast in the morning and it improves my day immeasurably. Getting the juices flowing as soon as possible is quick, easy, and wonderful.
Am I the first one to call this article out on BS pop neuroscience? If you want to convince yourself that this makes you happier, just go and try it, but completely context-deprived pictures of colourful blobs on a 3D brain proves... nothing. Oh, you need sleep to be productive? Let's run a poorly designed $20,000 fMRI study to prove that! Folks, this has to end.
Oh, I have absolutely no doubts about that! And from at least the review article they had on this page [1], it seems like the do some solid psychological assessment of gratitude. What does concern me though is when neuroscience is thrown into the mix just because everything seems more convincing with brain scans[3]. The articles <del>cited</del> referred to in the blog posts linked in the original blog post however often follow this pattern: (1) Assess X (say, gratitude) with an established or new questionnaire. (2) find a condition to vary (3) do a fMRI in both conditions and (4) correlate the contrast with the questionnaire. If you found a correlation, you found the neuronal cause for X! Publish!
This is just a huge waste of money. And also often enough poorly done [2].
I'm seeing a lot of comments playing devil's advocate by claiming that happiness is a choice. That's true! But it doesn't contradict the article.
What we call 'happiness' or 'sadness' is just some combination of the thousands of automatic judgements we've made about the world recently. All of these judgments (choices) are themselves composed of smaller judgements (this is good, this is bad). We try not to be 'judgemental', and I know what people mean when they say that, but I'd say it is in fact probably all we can do. I mean, technically speaking.
You can zoom in to examine the tiny choices (to some extent), and you can zoom out so that sometimes happiness looks for all the world like a single big ol' choice. I think this is what people call 'clarity', and I think I've experienced it once or twice.
But actually, for most of us, most of the time, happiness is the result of all these tiny, composable, semi-automatic judgements about the world, and we have to keep on making these choices, over and over and over again as we think. And exercising, meditating, getting enough sleep, spending quality time with other humans, etc. - this stuff really will help us improve our semi-automatic judgements so that we are saying "this is good...this is good..." slightly more often than before.
Short-term happiness and life satisfaction are two different things, and any discussion on happiness really needs to include both.
You can exercise, meditate, walk to work, have 100 close friends and family you keep in contact with regularly, and take every other step happiness gurus preach, but if you aren't actively working towards goals that increase your life satisfaction, you're in trouble.
The hard part is figuring out what you need to do to feel satisfied at the end of the day.
I've read about these topics for a long time, and I quickly concluded that the author(s) made no effort at skepticism. You absolutely cannot rely on such superficial analysis of research. Even if you don't know anything you should be suspicious (examples: women need more sleep than men "because their brains are more complicated", 8.5 hrs sleep is less healthy than 5 hrs - correlation/causation error at least; meditation doesn't just calm the mind but is also one of the best ways to buy lasting happiness (evidence: quote from meditation advocate)).
Second, if you spend time helping others only so far as it enriches your life, that is literally the definition of selfishness. This is NOT a philosophy that should be encouraged or applauded.
Productivity is not an end, it is a means to accomplish something. If you are the world's most efficient and productive marble bathtub designer, and you only help others to the extent that it makes you happier, you are a jerk.
>"Second, if you spend time helping others only so far as it enriches your life, that is literally the definition of selfishness."
Everyone does selfish things, some of those things make people happier. The author doesn't say to help people to be not selfish, the author says to help people to feel better about yourself.
>"This is NOT an approach to life that should be encouraged or applauded."
Any reason why not?
>"If you are the world's most efficient and productive marble bathtub designer, and you only help others to the extent that it makes you happier, you are a jerk."
What if you are the world's most productive and efficient designer of water systems to help save people in third world countries, and you only do it to the extend it makes you happier, are you still a jerk?
I like the way you pass judgement on people and at the same time try to get people to not help others because you view it as selfish.
[added] scarcrowbob (below) has such a good comment it is quotable.
>>I like the way you pass judgement on people and at the same time try to get people to not help others because you view it as selfish.
Yeah, his post is so asinine it makes my head hurt.
At the end of the day, there is a selfish component to everything. There is no such thing as pure altruism: even acts that seem purely altruistic are performed ultimately because they make the person feel good.
The important thing is that this does not make the person a jerk. I mean, is Bill Gates a jerk? No, right? Helping other people makes him happier, and gives him satisfaction with the feeling of giving back to the world, but if we act like rational people and evaluate his actions on the effect they have on others, then he's definitely an awesome person.
Do you believe there is any basis on which someone's conduct can be judged? It seems like there are three options here: no judgement (moral relativism), judgement based on someone's intent, or judgement based on the impact of someone's actions. I choose option 2.
I do like the framework you proposed. Sometimes you don't have to only take one approach at problem solving/analysis. Usually it is helpful to consider multiple factors and do so on a scale.
I like to combine moral relativism with the person's intent, both internal (what they hope to accomplish for themselves) and their external intent (what they hope to accomplish for others) with the impact of their actions.
Any single approach will likely cause massive errors in analysis. That is typical of all analysis, not just philosophy.
I'd agree with that, it definitely is a mixture. My argument is that this article implicitly endorses using "does this make me happy" as the sole framework for analyzing your actions, and that is not an admirable approach IMO.
only so far as it enriches your life, that is literally the definition of selfishness
I'm sure we'd all be better people if instead of helping others, we spent time judging and bashing those who spend time helping others but don't have the proper frame of mind when doing so.
Then we could get into the whole philosophy 101 debate of "Does truly selfless behavior exist?"
My intention was not to criticize anyone for spending 100 hours helping others. I am saying that if you've already spent 100 hours helping others, and someone asks for your help, you should ask yourself "is helping this person the right thing to do according to my values", not "will this increase my happiness."
I wonder if the reason we get happier b/c we get older is because our sexual drive decreases. As it decreases, we focus less on what we can't get (more attractive partner, more exciting sex, etc), because it simply doesn't become as desirable.
Interesting or maybe as we get older we have satisfied/achieved aspects of that sexual drive and no longer see it as the end all be all with respect to happiness. Either way I think you have a point with the narrative that sex = happiness for some.
Not sure about #3. There are a lot of reasons why one would choose to live farther from work. It's not just "wanting a bigger house." Quality of life, better schools, proximity to outdoor activities, etc. could all compensate for the pain of a long commute. Not to mention housing costs. Wonder where the author lives... If you work in Manhattan or on the SF Bay peninsula, it is unlikely that you can afford to live there.
If you click through to the research behind the "commute" item, you'll see that it concluded that other things -- like an increased salary -- can indeed compensate for a long commute.
The interesting thing that the research uncovered is that people are strongly biased to underestimate the effect of commute time relative to other factors. For example, their survey found that people with effectively no commute were about as happy as people with a one-hour commute who made 40% more.
So, yeah, the article is wrong to say that things like a bigger house or better job "just don't work". But they almost certainly won't work as well as people expect them to.
If you work in Manhattan or on the SF Bay peninsula, it is unlikely that you can afford to live there.
You don't see something wrong with this? Maybe we as a society are messed up because we consider a one hour commute (one way) to be "normal". Maybe we need to start reconsidering the value of living closer to where we work, or the fact that you can't get "Quality of life, better schools, proximity to outdoor activities, etc" close to where we work. Maybe if wages were more competitive, or housing costs weren't inflated, we could afford to live closer to where we work.
I find the planning of the trip is often the best part. Sometimes the trip itself can be a bit trying, but you've got the memories forever. Plus you tend to remember the positive parts or laugh at the negatives (I've had my passport stolen twice abroad and I actually laugh now, although it did suck at the time).
I must be an exception, planning something I know I'll have much better information about once I'm in that distant place makes me less happy when I have to do it before, based on the information I know it's at least incomplete when not plainly wrong.
I had to learn this the hard way. Almost everything I owned was destroyed in a flood a couple of years ago. I watched one of my housemates freak out and cry for days about it. It couldn't have been shoved in my face harder that the choice was mine. I could assume that happiness came from the lifestyle I designed for myself, as my housemate did, and therefore it had just been completely destroyed with no hope of coming back any time soon. Or, I could assume happiness was a state of being that could be achieved at any point in time, no matter what was going on: that there are no prerequisites to happiness.
And suddenly, I was happy.
And then I met my wife. And I got to more work that I loved, rather than needed. And found a modicum of success in my consultancy. And got out of debt. And made a lot of new, wonderful friends. After years of being unhappy and getting nowhere on the goals that I thought would make me happy, I flipped a switch and found out that the goals required happiness out of me.