Each of us is two very different people - the one we know, and the one others know.
I've found that self-reflection only takes me so far because of how charitable we tend to be to ourselves. I'm trying to get to know the me that others know - the me composed of my actions and their perceived motives and outcomes. It's deeply discomforting how different that me is from the one I know.
Try this - record a few of your phone conversations (with the other persons permission) over a week and listen to them. I found that the person on the phone is pretty far from who I thought I am.
To me, how I live my life is the only way to answer that attempt at self-reflection. Yet, we are not what we do. That's the dodge that plagues me.