Please be strong and live every minute to the fullest.
But I do have one constructive comment perhaps someone can get to this author.
>The bottom line, now, I'm afraid, is that as a late stage gall bladder cancer patient, I'm expected to live for 'several months' and itβs extremely unlikely I'll live beyond a year. So it looks like my latest novel, The Quarry, will be my last.
>As a result, I've withdrawn from all planned public engagements and I've asked my partner Adele if she will do me the honour of becoming my widow (sorry - but we find ghoulish humour helps). By the time this goes out we'll be married and on a short honeymoon.
As great as it will feel - I think this is a disgusting thing to do to a woman and this author should reconsider.
[EDIT: Let me rephrase this to: I think they both should reconsider. I think this is something that Adele will regret, regardless of whether she knows this now, for the reasons I cite below. I say this with some experience.]
What are the two possibilities? That this short marriage and honeymoon will be sad and awkard - or that it will be blissful and happy?
Both of those are terrible, horrible for her to live with for the rest of her life. [Edit: again, something she might not realize now.]
Giving someone a few months of happiness before widowing them is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Even the middle possibility (if the short marriage and honeymoon is neither blissful nor very sad and awkward, but just is) would then simply give someone Widow status.
I think this author should call this particular plan off.
There are a lot of great ways to enjoy life and do the most you can. Please make the best of them all.
I'm a woman. And I say, if Adele wants to end her time with Iain this way, let her. Wikipedia says they've been "together since 2006". In her position, I'd rather remember six years with a wild last year or so of doing all those crazy things that got put off than six years with a last year of just sitting there watching the man I love die.
Also it is quite possible that Adele would pretty much consider herself a widow for a good while whether or not she married Iain.
I mean, really. I don't think this is a thing being "done to her". I don't know anything about her, but if she's <em>anything</em> like the kinds of women Iain writes about, she's perfectly capable of making her own decisions, and is quite aware of what she's gotten herself into. And is, as you urge in your second sentence, trying to be strong and live life to the fullest.
One of Richard Feynman's books speaks to his wedding to Arline Greenbaum. They married partly because they thought she was dying much faster than she actually was. Pain isn't necessarily regret. I think you're wrong about this.
Protip: Don't tell adults what to do with their lives. Especially when it relates to love or death.
If you have some actual relevant experience that you would like someone to be aware of, go ahead and share it. Share your own thoughts and feelings about your personal experience as well.
And then STFU. Let them draw their own conclusions. People dying of cancer / watching their loved ones die of cancer really, really, really don't need your moralizing about their choices. They have a giant heap of shit to deal with, and they don't need you flinging a couple of turds on top.
Please be strong and live every minute to the fullest.
But I do have one constructive comment perhaps someone can get to this author.
>The bottom line, now, I'm afraid, is that as a late stage gall bladder cancer patient, I'm expected to live for 'several months' and itβs extremely unlikely I'll live beyond a year. So it looks like my latest novel, The Quarry, will be my last.
>As a result, I've withdrawn from all planned public engagements and I've asked my partner Adele if she will do me the honour of becoming my widow (sorry - but we find ghoulish humour helps). By the time this goes out we'll be married and on a short honeymoon.
As great as it will feel - I think this is a disgusting thing to do to a woman and this author should reconsider.
[EDIT: Let me rephrase this to: I think they both should reconsider. I think this is something that Adele will regret, regardless of whether she knows this now, for the reasons I cite below. I say this with some experience.]
What are the two possibilities? That this short marriage and honeymoon will be sad and awkard - or that it will be blissful and happy?
Both of those are terrible, horrible for her to live with for the rest of her life. [Edit: again, something she might not realize now.]
Giving someone a few months of happiness before widowing them is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Even the middle possibility (if the short marriage and honeymoon is neither blissful nor very sad and awkward, but just is) would then simply give someone Widow status.
I think this author should call this particular plan off.
There are a lot of great ways to enjoy life and do the most you can. Please make the best of them all.