You're scared that one model has a bug where you play a specific song in a specific media player, the fans spin more than they should? and it can be fixed with a firmware update?

You scare easily.

I have been considering an upgrade, but have been more worried about getting an LG screen with awful ghosting.

I had an LG with really bad retention - I took it to an Apple store where the rep saw the issue. Two days later I picked it up and haven't had a problem since. It was very easy to get it replaced and is great for coding for me.

Thanks for the data point!

I have a 2009 mbp (matte screen! ;_;), and the retina seems like the best display to upgrade to from the matte for 'staring at text for hours'.

Just make sure you get Applecare with it.

Of course not. Apple Care never helps. Get a better home insurance instead - it's cheaper, and will replace your computer for free, even if you spill water on it (I experienced it).

"Apple Care never helps."

What do you mean? I had my motherboard/discrete graphics-card replaced without extra costs through Apple Care.

Isn't that covered by basic warranty? I had a macbook start to lock up randomly on me a month or two after buying it and they replace its mainboard no problem without me needing Apple Care.