> So when I hear people talk about how much they love their friends, that's their own balance... I can't help but wonder if they just haven't learned how to take care of themselves without external validation.
You espouse a false dichotomy.
There's more to loving friends than loving the external validation they may (or may not!) provide.
Go get some really extraordinary friends and try again.
Yes, but by the same token the original poster seemed to imply that there was nothing more to working than coding. Whether you're founding a start-up or working as a developer for some giant multi-national, I hope there's more to your job descriptions than typing code and check-ins (and hence a more balanced experience).
With that said, that is all some people have. And for those people, the OP is probably right and they will probably not be happy for long.
You espouse a false dichotomy.
There's more to loving friends than loving the external validation they may (or may not!) provide.
Go get some really extraordinary friends and try again.