Becoming deeply bitter is a very normal outcome of dealing with literally anything, in any year. It has very little to do with US company hiring processes and a lot to do with someone’s attitude and outlook on life.

Both of my dads (father and FIL) got cancer this year. My mom almost did.

You don’t have to become deeply bitter, no matter what your situation. Many people do anyway, and that is by no means a moral failing of any kind, but it has very little to do with the individual events that precipitated it.

This deserves a much more thought out and nuanced answer than I am capable to give.

I will try anyway.

Let's take something that we have more information about: burnout. Since burnout is a hot button topic, we're all somewhat aware about it.

Many people misconstrue burnout to mean "overworked" - which it's not, it's a type of depression where your emotional investment is not getting adequate emotional returns: and that's what's happening with your depiction of "bitter".

You had objectively worse situations happening to you, yes! However- the conditions in which they happened were:

* Not artificial. There was no concerted effort by the universe to conspire to give your fathers cancer.

* You were given sympathy

* You were given the opportunity to actually air grievances about it before it boiled up- likely you were told that it's healthy to feel bad or to express yourself.

Likewise, bitterness is the culmination of being treated in a way you perceive as unfair, and it starts small. It gets worse when not treated. Treatment is as easy as letting people be a little angry sometimes or to let them talk about their issues and be met with something other than condescension.

You had a worse situation, yes, but you're talking about people getting moody as a moral failing.

It would be like me telling a woman not to be moody on her period because some men have their arms blown off on oil rigs. They're not comparable at all.

You misunderstood me. I very explicitly do not think it is a moral failing at all. I do not have any problem with someone being moody. Problems aren’t a competition. I mentioned mine not to imply that mine were worse, but just that they were different, and to show that I wasn’t speaking from a position of “having no problems” or being oblivious to them.

It is completely reasonable to be bitter. But long-term, it is still a choice.

I don’t disagree that being bitter, at the onset, is not a choice. And often requires treatment.

Burnout is a great example because I agree with everything you said about it. Becoming bitter when burnt out isn’t a choice. Staying bitter is.

For short periods, it is almost always even necessary; treatment requires feeling.

But too many people get stuck in it, do not seek treatment (or are afraid to / taught not to, even amongst friends), and do not move forward. Even that is still not a moral failing; but it does make me sad.

> Becoming deeply bitter is a very normal outcome of dealing with literally anything, in any year.

No it isn't. Most people only become bitter when they feel they have been treated unfairly and badly for a very long period of time.

Citation needed. People get bitter over good things sometimes too; because they see others as having gotten more, or perceive unfairness when there wasn’t any, and so on.

I am not implying bitterness is bad. But you can absolutely be bitter for almost any reason.

I have rarely encountered someone as wrong about anything as you are about this.

Would you care to make an argument? Or just insult and leave?

Why would anyone be bitter about family members getting cancer? If some big company polluted the water in their town with hexavalent chromium and that caused the cancer in all the family members, I could definitely understand bitterness, but this doesn't seem to be a case like this at all. Most of the time, cancer just happens unfortunately, and isn't directly caused by some evil person or corporation (at least as far as we can tell in most cases). Why would someone be bitter about it? Angry at god or something? Sad, sure, but not bitter.

People have all sorts of emotions about stuff that "just happens". Sure, those emotions aren't logical, but emotions aren't logical.

I felt plenty of emotions. Sadness, fear, and so on. Bitter was not one of them, and I definitely don’t feel bitter now. It helps that both are in remission, but that wasn’t the obvious (or even expected) outcome in either case.

And thanks, but I am quite aware of my mental faculties, and have seen psychiatrists and therapists plenty; I have ADHD, after all, and recurring depressive episodes (though not true clinical depression).

Perhaps don’t assume that people who are different from you are… mentally ill? Seems a bit of an arrogant stretch. :/