I get it. I didn't say anything at my grandfather's funeral, although I was this close. I just... didn't. Easier in that moment to stay seated for a few extra seconds, but it bothered me. Years later, at my grandmother's funeral, I spoke. Not long, but I said some of the things I'd wanted to say years earlier, though with the benefit of a bit more hindsight and perspective. But not speaking all those years earlier had bothered me. FWIW, it still does, but a little less than before.