hmmm yes could be that people with adhd,me for example, cant feel the reward of social contact so its hard to listen if not geniunly interested.
sometimes i try to reward myself conscious of something and it works. for example i think conscious about how if i finish a little task it would make me happier. then i kind of force a reward feeling towards the anticipation to have something done. and it works. i feel motivated to do little tasks. and if i do this repeatedly and on bigger and bigger tasks it reduces my adhd symptoms… but then there is suddenly something else to do and then i do this while thinking about the things i should do and what i could do next and suddenly i start 10 things and how the fuck did this happen … where are my keyes? :)
The "where are my keys" thing is the worst. I can get locked in a 5 minute loop trying to figure out the next step to leave the house. I'm busy thinking about a cool problem at work or the next step in a game, or an upcoming fun thing, and I cannot for the life of me focus on finding my keys. Or I'll go looking and get reminded I also need to do X before I leave, then start that instead, and restart the whole problem.
I used to have a little jingle I'd subvocally sing: "Badge, wallet, keys, notes, laptop, phone; Owen's fed, doors locked, leaving home". It was my checklist. It's why I'll throw my backpack in the car even if I'm going to meet friends: It just helps me put aside the preparation anxiety to just do the same thing every time.
Those routines are helpful. I also keep prepacked bags - a backpack for work, a gym bag with copies of keys for gym, etc etc. I even have two or three pre-stocked wallets for those bags or I'll get stuck in optimizing my credit card selection for an activity. My wife laughs, but she's the one who loses her phone, cannot find her wallet, and to this day has no idea where her car keys are.
Atomic Habits was helpful. It's about how to set up your subconcious so you don't have to painfully think about every decision all the time. Maybe it's made me less able, maybe not. But going to the gym at 3 has become so routine that I find myself up in the kitchen before I realize why I left my office.
I'm guessing this is all pre-emergent dementia, honestly.
sometimes i try to reward myself conscious of something and it works. for example i think conscious about how if i finish a little task it would make me happier. then i kind of force a reward feeling towards the anticipation to have something done. and it works. i feel motivated to do little tasks. and if i do this repeatedly and on bigger and bigger tasks it reduces my adhd symptoms… but then there is suddenly something else to do and then i do this while thinking about the things i should do and what i could do next and suddenly i start 10 things and how the fuck did this happen … where are my keyes? :)