To add to this—most of the marriages I've seen that have come after multiple serious relationships struggle with baggage from those previous relationships.
Often it's obvious things like kids, but it's also more pernicious things like expectations, comparisons, and even just different worldviews. A couple that grows up together can end up substantially more unified than is possible when you're joining lives after a decade of adulthood shaped by multiple partners.
There are obviously exceptions on both sides—first-timers that were toxic and 'experienced' partners who work well—but I certainly haven't seen an unqualified series of successes in the pattern described by OP.
I haven’t seen any patterns, and I’m wondering where people are getting these kinds of insights.
Like I have 1 friend that married somebody who could reasonably be described as like a first serious relationship. Other than that… everybody tended to settle down after college, after a few more serious relationships. Nobody has gotten divorced yet (late 30’s). But (and this is being generous to myself), I’ll say I probably only have like 5 friends who I’d really be confident in saying much about the health of their relationships.
I think everybody in this thread is just making things up, tbh.
Only counting marriages that I have very close understanding of: Between my wife's immediate family and mine I've had personal insight into 11 different marriages, a mix of both types. Still a small sample size relative to the population as a whole, but not nothing.
In that set, the only healthy marriages are first timers.
It's certainly not enough to draw any conclusions, but that's why all I actually argued is that OP's claimed success pattern doesn't seem to be true in my experience.
Often it's obvious things like kids, but it's also more pernicious things like expectations, comparisons, and even just different worldviews. A couple that grows up together can end up substantially more unified than is possible when you're joining lives after a decade of adulthood shaped by multiple partners.
There are obviously exceptions on both sides—first-timers that were toxic and 'experienced' partners who work well—but I certainly haven't seen an unqualified series of successes in the pattern described by OP.