define('WP_POST_REVISIONS', 0);
That's it.
Disabling a feature isnt chopping anything up. Im specifically commenting on this statement you made.
> What WP Engine gives you is not WordPress, it’s something that they’ve chopped up, hacked, butchered to look like WordPress, but actually they’re giving you a cheap knock-off and charging you more for it.
define('WP_POST_REVISIONS', 0);
That's it.