You are safe anyways by the "sticks and stones" principal. Worrying about what other people think about you, unless they are your immediate family, is a pretty inefficient use of time.

this is great advice for people who want to have no friends.

You should care about what the people you respect think about you, because they are people you hold in high regard. They matter. The key is to dismiss the opinions of people who suck

> unless they are your immediate family

this is a terrible exception. Sometimes your immediate family sucks and you shouldn't care what they think of you (imagine that you're gay and they're all homophobes)

as with most things, there's a balance to be struck. Sometimes you should care what other people think of you, if you don't want to be bitter and alone. Other times it's better to let the haters hate.

1. My immediate family I meant spouse and children, not parents and siblings. Your point about family of origin is quite important.

2. I'm pretty old. My point is you can't really ever know how other people see you. It's what makes telepathy such an appealing/terrifying idea. You can be very responsive to your friends emotional states and the effect you have on them without ever really knowing how they see you. You might convince yourself you understand when you are young, but as you live longer, you have more situations where you are kind and affectionate to people that you see having a lot of flaws. My friends aren't really judging me, we just have a mutually enjoyable relationship. They know my flaws quite well, but like me anyways.

Tying your friendships to some theories you have about how other people think about you is probably a pretty good way to avoid friendships, especially if you are aiming for some certain standard and avoid or hide yourself when you miss the mark. It's like the old canard about getting a special friend - when you don't need another person, you become more attractive to other people.

Caring more about what your immediate family thinks doesn't mean you change your sexual preference to suit them - in fact it's exactly why it would be upsetting that they were 'all homophobes' in that scenario, more so than the fact that there do exist substantially more than [size of immediate family] homophobic people in the world for most, I imagine.

Hahaha, that is so true and so annoying. I am perpetually scared of sending the wrong thing in the wrong group. It gets even worse if the groups have similar names. If only there was a way to filter on excluded members...

If there's a sufficiently large number of people whom you want to exclude, the problem might be that you're simply in the wrong group. It clearly keeps attracting folks you don't want to be in a group with.

And if your group has a very large number of subgroups, it's a sign group health is deteriorating. Side channels are healthy, but if they become the main mode of conversation, congrats, you're starting to develop cliques.