I've gotten into a bar fight to protect a woman I did not know. I almost got into a fight in the subway for the same reason, twice. However I can't stand these kinds of stories. All I hear is one socially awkward guy trying really hard in the worst possible way.
I'm conflicted because on the other hand the guy seemed like an asshole but I have only one side of the story and feel like it would be jumping to conclusions to judge this guy just from this.
It seems to me that it might have been worthwhile talking to a bouncer or other member of staff to warn the guy to stay away from her, or risk being thrown out.
Whether or not that's reasonable, I don't know; but if the guy was a real problem for her (and from her side it sounds like he was), then "telling people" at that point in time, rather than afterwards, would have been more prudent.
There's absolutely no reason for anyone to put up with this kind of shit from someone else.
But further to that, this can't and shouldn't be painted as another story about sexism in tech. This is a story (from one side) about a guy having a few drinks and trying it on in his own cringeworthy way, and lacking the forethought to quit with some dignity intact. His choice of career has fuck all to do with that, and neither does the conference.
(I'm all for policies and legislation that prohibit this sort of thing, by the by, but they're not going to stop some guy who thinks he's god's gift from making pervy remarks on a night out. Neither is walking away and hoping you get left alone.)
His choice of career has fuck all to do with that, and neither does the conference.
It kind of does, though. According to Julia's account, this was not simply an isolated incident.
When she talked to the organizer, he admitted that this individual who behaved in a harassing way had shown a previous pattern of behavior of this type. Since the organizer knew of this, this behavior presumably took place at other events related to this professional community. It makes sense for this community to expel people who behave this way.
I may have read the organiser's quote the wrong way, so I'll concur on that count, and agree that some degree of responsibility is required so that this behaviour is weeded out.
However, I'm still loathe to apportion blame or make anyone except the individual accountable for their own behaviour, insofar as it's suggested that the organiser doesn't condone that behaviour, and merely wasn't sure what to do in lieu of the ability to refer to existing policy.
That problem, with this particular conference, has been solved, I would think. However the individual will still very much be under the impression that he's not being a dick. Because he wasn't properly called out on it as and when it was happening.
(Given that we only have one account of this, I want to keep this general, because even if the story doesn't add up at the end, we know that such people do exist and that it does go on.)
I may have read the organiser's quote the wrong way, so I'll concur on that count, and agree that some degree of responsibility is required so that this behaviour is weeded out.
However, I'm still loathe to apportion blame or make anyone except the individual accountable for their own behaviour, insofar as it's suggested that the organiser doesn't condone that behaviour, and merely wasn't sure what to do in lieu of the ability to refer to existing policy.
That problem, with this particular conference, has been solved, I would think. However the individual will still very much be under the impression that he's not being a dick. Because he wasn't properly called out on it as and when it was happening.
I've met frustrated parents, from those with lazy kids to those whose kids where skipping (and failing) most classes to go smash stuff and do drugs (and not exactly pot) with adolescent criminals.
I still believe only an asshole would talk about their son or daughter like that, particularly to someone not close.
Wouldn't it be smarter to simply leave, rather than getting into a fight? I actually also heard stories about women getting off about guys fighting over them...
I'm conflicted because on the other hand the guy seemed like an asshole but I have only one side of the story and feel like it would be jumping to conclusions to judge this guy just from this.