The concern is whether you're missing out on something you would have preferred to have.

I missed out on a lot of young adult stuff, partying, traveling, sleeping around, and I can't seem to get over it. I have lots of money but I can't seem to buy my way out of resentment and envy for people who had a more ordinary life

I think you've nailed it, and that it's subjective.

I missed out on those things too, but it doesn't bother me at all, because they're not things I wanted to experience, whereas parenthood feels to me like a big loss.

(I know it's not necessarily final, and there are lots of kids in the world in need of people who want to be parents. I'm not without hope that something like this is still in my future. That's not really the point here though.)

Yeah but you're missing out on what you imagine parenthood is, not the reality of what it is. I'm not saying parenthood can't be great, and most of us are biologically wired to want it, but there's also a far-from-zero chance that it can be heartbreaking. If, for whatever reason, you did not get to be a parent, you can still help children in many other ways and you can still live a life of positive influence in your community and among those close to you, and you will have done far more good with your life than many parents do.

This is all true, but I think I want to be a parent even if it is heartbreaking.

I think of my own parents' experience. My brother is an addict (thankfully sober for a decade now, but it was a long journey). My sister died suddenly and with no warning when she was only 29, and she was 8 months pregnant. My parents' experience, by any account, has been devastating.

But if you ask them whether they would rather never have had my siblings at all? Not a chance. Not even the flicker of a consideration.

I don't think the actually quite high chance that it will be heartbreaking deters me from wanting it. But I also don't consider keeping my heart unbroken a priority. My heart only manages to break when I love, and I'd rather live a life full of both love and heartbreak than forego the former in hopes of avoiding the latter.

IMO that stuff is overrated, but either way you can't change the past, neither the mistakes you made, the abuse you suffered, or the stuff you never did. Look forward, not back.

And in my experience, if you have money you'll have no trouble finding people to party with you, if that's what you want to do. Go to the nearest bar and start buying rounds.

I can say that from personal experience, sometimes it is the way things get projected in society or specific circles.

I'll give an example. I once rented at a house where the landlady and her partner were (eventually both) poly.

They were starbucks baristas that went clubbing/dating/etc far more frequently than me, I was getting back on my feet after finally being able to work on my childhood and 20s trauma.

Every new outfit, every new partner, was it's own show-off or conversation.

When I got a promotion, I did the 'got-a-promotion' thing and bought myself a 'decent' lens. My landlady's partner was a photographer and we had spoken about the topic in the past. As soon as I brought it up as a friendly shared interest topic? 'You are bragging/waving privilege'.

They were still, of course, happy to flaunt during 'game nights' that the majority of the group was going for all sorts of 'shenanigans' while myself and the other person that got driven out before me...

essentially realized they were narcissists. Well, really just the one and the Landlady was being manipulated by her partner. Fun talks with housemates, right?

But that is the bigger warning for those who have early trauma.

There are those who may or may not have their own trauma, some of them may actually mean well, but a -lot- of them will look at you as an easy target to beat down or manipulate to their own ends. When they get the 'win-win' of "This person has made better life choices than me, 'but I am smarter than them and am taking advantage of them'" is when it gets dangerous.

Smart people know. But they are trying to be polite or patient.

(Which, on the part of my former landlady's partner, is kinda sad. The only way she could feel better about themself was by taking someone they called a friend and trying to 'neg' them... I wasn't the only victim but I might have been the most gullible back then...)