This might be heresy to say around these parts but arranged marriages
in Asian countries are typically successful and happy. Note there is a
world of difference between arranged and "forced" marriages.
Yes, there are downsides to what is seen in the "secular west" as an
illiberal over-involvement of families. 'Honour killings' and other
regressive horrors can occur. But they're not the norm. Plus side is
that healthy, supportive involvement from both sides of a family is
super valuable.
But why stop at the family? Throughout most of human history the
community, the village, respected friends etc, have held a really
important place in matchmaking. Just read some Jane Austen :)
We like the illusion of total independence and choice. In 2024 we can
have that. And thank goodness we've gotten past those old suffocating
social norms that kept people in traps of class and normative gender
roles.
But the model of isolated autonomous Bayesian-utility-maximising
actors rationally selecting each other ... is a crock. We just don't
do that. As soon as we get a serious date, what is the first thing we
do... introduce them to our friends for approval!
So sure, there are any number of groups from which we could take
healthier advice than from a for-profit company that feeds on
loneliness and isolation, including maybe a benevolent government that
funds services which ultimately result in better mental health and
social stability.
> This might be heresy to say around these parts but arranged marriages in Asian countries are typically successful and happy.
Estimated rates of domestic violence are pretty high in those countries. That is the thing, if you make divorce socially costly, people will stay together whether happy or not.
Yes, there are downsides to what is seen in the "secular west" as an illiberal over-involvement of families. 'Honour killings' and other regressive horrors can occur. But they're not the norm. Plus side is that healthy, supportive involvement from both sides of a family is super valuable.
But why stop at the family? Throughout most of human history the community, the village, respected friends etc, have held a really important place in matchmaking. Just read some Jane Austen :)
We like the illusion of total independence and choice. In 2024 we can have that. And thank goodness we've gotten past those old suffocating social norms that kept people in traps of class and normative gender roles.
But the model of isolated autonomous Bayesian-utility-maximising actors rationally selecting each other ... is a crock. We just don't do that. As soon as we get a serious date, what is the first thing we do... introduce them to our friends for approval!
So sure, there are any number of groups from which we could take healthier advice than from a for-profit company that feeds on loneliness and isolation, including maybe a benevolent government that funds services which ultimately result in better mental health and social stability.