I’ve heard about the paradox of announcing plans before. It is intriguing.
In light of the need for community, talking about plans might be seen as a way to search for ideas that could have group buy-in and become something to undertake together. Failure to move forward on those plans would reflect that the group interest just wasn’t there. The mistake would have been in assuming you would have ever pursued the goal independently, the social impulse to share could have been the hint.
Shared interests between friends can help individual interests and goals become collective ones.
Ecclesiastes: one may be overcome (by the exhaustion of going to the gym), two can defend themselves (against lapsing on their New Year’s resolution). A three-ply cord is not easily broken.
That's interesting! Although I haven't invested any thought in it, I would've assumed that announcing plans would have the opposite effect because people are now watching and know what you're trying to achieve, so you'd be more motivated to avoid losing face. Thanks for the article — I'll have to check it out!
Personally, it would make me feel a burden of shame to have announced a goal and then had a setback, which would become a greater discouragement then just facing a setback if I had not made a big deal about it in the first place.
It doesn't though, as long as you're willing to throw yourself out there. Meetup groups is a great way to meet fellow nerds, especially if you share interests. You'll probably meet some shitty people sometime, just stay clear and keep trying, you'll eventually find at least one or two people who you fit with :)
Acquaintances perhaps, but I wouldn’t say actual friends. I could try it again though. I don’t/can’t use social media so when I got rid of that years ago, almost everyone I knew then went with it.
Friends are just acquaintances you know better than others. You start as acquaintances and as you develop the relationship, you'll eventually be friends.
Some people have so good relationships they even use the label "bestie", which is just a really good friend, who at the beginning surely was a acquaintance :)
Thanks for your input. Being honest, my situation has been like this for so long now I’ve given up hope and lost interest in it ever changing. Used to my own loneliness nowadays so it doesn’t really matter. Fine with being someone who is only ever in the background of other people’s day.
For the past eight years I’ve been telling myself that I was going to end my life if things didn’t improve by this year, and they only ever get worse and worse, so 2024 is my final one on earth. Currently in the process of wrapping up all my business and getting rid of all my stuff so there’s nothing left behind for anyone to deal with. Really not going to miss living or living the life I’ve lived. Eight billion other people on the planet who will get on fine without me.
Sorry to hear that. I’m not in a position to help you but there are many selfhelp support networks in your neighbourhood that can help(most likely, assuming you live in a city).
I’m really just not someone people enjoy the company of or want to get to know or have around. Kind of my conclusion after 40 years of living in cities. Have tried all kinds of groups and programmes. Have tried putting in the interest but everyone I know or meet fades out, either quickly or slowly. Don’t have any family either, or a significant other.
You need to start changing coefficients in your “life physics” and see what happens. Increasing the amount of new social contact is always a good starting point.
