The issue with your strategy imho is that failing to get traction with an HN launch is not that much of a negative signal. Getting to the front page is a bit of a crapshoot and not achieving it doesn't necessarily mean no one is interested in your product--it could mean you got unlucky or just need to iterate on your messaging.
If you haven't gotten it in many users' hands yet, it might be a good idea to try recruiting like 50-100 users first, either one-by-one through email reachouts or in smaller communities where it's less hit-or-miss, like niche subreddits. If some of these users like the product and stick with it, start giving you feature requests, etc., that tells you that you're on to something. Conversely, if you can't get even a small group of users to try it and stick with it using that approach, it's much more of a negative signal than a failed HN launch and probably indicates that something needs to change.
Whatever route you decide to take, I wish you the best with it!
Also:
"I have no idea how to do constant marketing that doesn't bother people or waste their time. If I would waste their time, I'd rather just throw my own time away and switch projects."
That's noble of you, but I would cut yourself some slack. Ideally you would market in a way where you don't bother people or waste their time, but getting users often requires trying things where you risk getting close to that line. Sometimes you might cross over it, but that's just something to learn from.
Trying to market a product while never bothering anyone the least little bit is a bit like trying to be a comedian without offending anyone or to find a romantic partner without enduring some awkward dates. I think it just goes with the territory.
If you haven't gotten it in many users' hands yet, it might be a good idea to try recruiting like 50-100 users first, either one-by-one through email reachouts or in smaller communities where it's less hit-or-miss, like niche subreddits. If some of these users like the product and stick with it, start giving you feature requests, etc., that tells you that you're on to something. Conversely, if you can't get even a small group of users to try it and stick with it using that approach, it's much more of a negative signal than a failed HN launch and probably indicates that something needs to change.
Whatever route you decide to take, I wish you the best with it!
Also:
"I have no idea how to do constant marketing that doesn't bother people or waste their time. If I would waste their time, I'd rather just throw my own time away and switch projects."
That's noble of you, but I would cut yourself some slack. Ideally you would market in a way where you don't bother people or waste their time, but getting users often requires trying things where you risk getting close to that line. Sometimes you might cross over it, but that's just something to learn from.
Trying to market a product while never bothering anyone the least little bit is a bit like trying to be a comedian without offending anyone or to find a romantic partner without enduring some awkward dates. I think it just goes with the territory.