if you are looking at that fortnight as your runway to recover from burnout so that you can plunge back into work, you may find it to be far less restorative than hoped.

you now have a child. you may want to see how little you can prepare for your next work role and still be successful. the less you put towards the job, the more you have to put towards the responsibility.

work to live, or live to work?

I'm taking a leap here extrapolating my own experience. I hope it might be useful.

I found myself in the same end state over and over (in this case, burn out). The two shared aspects between various situations were: me and the end result.

If different situations lead to the same end state and I'm the only common element then that implies that my own actions lead to that end state.

Specifically:

- inability to set boundaries and people pleasing ("yes I will commit to this even though I've committed to other things").

- perfectionism ("I need to spend a week on this even though it was good enough after day 2").

The observation on perfectionism is really good.

When I interview someone now if the candidate mentions their perfectionism, I immediately say, "Tell me about the last thing you've done perfectly." Very few people have a satisfying story to tell. It usually turns out that perfectionists rarely achieve perfection!

From there I talk about how we're not looking for candidates to do anything perfectly. We want candidates who can get things done to the reasonable standards we have. You can still be engaged in your work and do a great job, but if you're not getting work done because you're trying to make everything perfect, you're not going to be a good fit.

> the right way going into a new role…

Consider taking the Sparketype test. It’s free, only takes 7 minutes.

Overview. In Sparked (2021), Jonathan Fields immerses readers in the universe of Sparketypes, an entirely new concept of impulses that make you feel alive at work and in life in general, so that you learn to avoid what drains you.

> https://sparketype.com/sparketest/

Transitioning to a new role is a great opportunity to set healthier boundaries from the start. Communicate openly with your new employer about your priorities and responsibilities outside of work, like being a parent. Discuss flexible work arrangements if needed, and ensure there's clarity on workload expectations. Remember, it's about finding a balance that works for both you and your new role.

What personal definition are you using for “burnt out”? Did you just not like your last job? Was it too hard for you? Were the hours too long? Did you not like management?

Long hours, pushed into doing multiple things (tech lead/management/lead developer all at once), picking up lots of additional things because nobody owned them and it held back progress (CI/CD infra, coding standards across teams, etc.).

Nothing was technically hard, but just an onslaught of more work, all the time. Contracts kept being signed with customers that couldn't be delivered because of lack of resource, etc. etc.

The way you describe it, it’s hard to tell if the company burned you out or if you burned out yourself.

> picking up lots of additional things because nobody owned them and it held back progress (CI/CD infra, coding standards across teams, etc.)

If nobody owned them, why’d you own them?

> tech lead/management/lead developer all at once

Did someone say, “You are now tech lead/management/developer all at once” or did you think you “needed” to do these things?

> Contracts kept being signed with customers that couldn't be delivered because of lack of resource

OK then your choices seem like either not delivering on contracts or getting burned out. Which is the better option in your opinion?

What internal (expectations to yourself) and external (what others/your boss expects) expectation from your last job did lead to the burn out?

I guess internal: wanting to do a good job, wanting to earn more money, wanting a bit more responsibility (moving beyond being just a developer and starting to pick up more leadership stuff).

External: hard deadlines signed by commercial side of the business, lots of pressure to meet them regardless of the how, not just from my boss but from the business stakeholders who often went against my boss as well.

So if the main factor were external, then I guess switching to a new job was the right decision! For the internal, I think most of us want to do a good job. In the end, you do not owe them more than the hours you signed in your contract :)

Running into a similar situation, would love to hear people's thoughts.