Calories (a unit of measure) are not bunk as an "idea" but the relationship of food Calories and weight gain/loss are highly complicated.

An appeal to complexity isn't really helpful. The human body is complex but the causes of widespread obesity aren't, IMO.

Please show me the person who can defy the laws of thermodynamics

Specifically for the calorie model?

Eat a plastic shoe. There's more than enough calories in a shoe to keep you going for a day.

This misses the point that the calorie model is bad for weight related things. The point where the calorie model could apply is for an irrelevant amount of calorie restriction