I think the difference in thinking is that when people think of bullies, they seem to be thinking of being a child or young adult. But I've been treated in ways I regard as bullying at every point in my life. I'm sure that I was just as prone to misinterpretation as a child as anyone else.

So I'm thinking of applying the emotional sophistication of an adult to the situation, and it seems clear to me that this is something you can figure out, because I do it once or twice a year. I'm guessing other people do too, but they probably think of those people in different terms, like "asshole."