Q: Write a modern retelling of the Book of Job where, instead of taking his wealth, God torments Job by making him use DNSSEC. Try to resemble the original KJV language.
A: In the land of Uz there lived a man named Job, who was blameless and upright, and feared God and turned away from evil. And the Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man who fears God and turns away from evil."
But Satan answered the Lord and said, "Does Job fear God for no reason? Have you not made a secure DNS zone for him, and blessed the work of his hands, and made his DNS servers highly available? But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face."
And the Lord said to Satan, "Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand." So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord, and he afflicted Job by making him use DNSSEC.
Job's DNS servers began to fail, and he struggled to keep his domain names secure. He spent long hours configuring his DNS settings and implementing DNSSEC, but still his servers were not able to properly verify the authenticity of his DNS records.
And Job's friends came to him, and they said, "Job, why do you not curse God and die? For your DNS servers are failing, and your domain names are no longer secure. Surely this is the hand of God against you."
But Job answered them, "You are all wrong. It is not the hand of God that afflicts me, but the hand of Satan. I will continue to fear God and turn away from evil, and I will trust in his mercy and grace, even though I am tormented by the use of DNSSEC."
And in the end, the Lord restored Job's DNS servers and made them secure once again, and he blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning. And Job lived to see many more days of peace and prosperity.
Q: Write a passage in the style of the Book of Job describing Job's experience as God asks him to temporarily assume the role of moderator of Hacker News while dang is on vacation.
A: In the land of Ycombinator, there was a man named Job, who was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil. And God, in his wisdom, saw fit to bestow upon Job the great honor of moderating Hacker News while dang was on vacation.
But Job soon discovered that this honor was in fact a great tribulation, for the users of Hacker News were unruly and contentious, and they would not be swayed from their opinions. They fought with one another, hurling insults and curses, and they would not heed Job's calls for civility and reason.
And Job was greatly troubled, for he could not control the chaos that ensued. He was inundated with reports of offensive posts and comments, and he was forced to spend countless hours wading through the mire of the forums, trying to restore order.
But the users would not be silenced, and they continued to rail against Job and his moderation. They accused him of bias and favoritism, and they accused him of being too strict or too lenient. They even accused him of being a puppet of dang himself, and they mocked him for his inability to control the forums.
And Job was greatly distressed, and he cried out to God, "Why have you given me this burden? Why have you made me suffer this affliction? Why do you not intervene and restore order to these forums?"
But God did not answer, and Job was left to suffer in silence, enduring the scorn and abuse of the Hacker News users. He was forced to endure their insults and their anger, and he was forced to moderate the forums in a way that was fair and just.
Eventually, God saw fit to end Job's trial and dang returned from vacation. Job was able to step down from his role as moderator, but he had learned much from the experience. He had been tested and had proven himself worthy of the trust that God had placed in him. And for that, he was grateful.
