A retired friend who recently picked up a nice camper van for travel mentions something rarely seen in the vanlife social media stuff: that most folks he's met doing the vanlife thing will stay for a few days in their van, then a few in a hotel / short term rental. This latter part is often ignored or glossed over by folks advocating this sort of lifestyle.
The main reason for this is because showering and washing stuff (clothes/dishes) and generally keeping clean is a huge pain in just a van. Without a source of fresh water and easy way to store and heat it, you get dirty really fast. Especially if you're hiking / mountain biking / doing whatever beyond just sitting around.
The "Living in your car" youtubers I follow generally do not do this. Instead they go to truck rest stops like "Loves" which have properly maintained Shower + Laundry facilities and depending on how much gas you purchase, are either comped a free shower or typically pay ~10-15$ for it. (Or if you are a really attractive female, friendly truckers might walk up and offer a coupon for a free shower since they accumulate tons of extra coupons due to buying so much fuel)
These showers from what I seen are a large private room with a code lock so you can peacefully freshen up.
The youtubers I follow stress that you have to be extra strict to maintain cleanliness especially if you live in your car. They develop daily routines for cleaning and it seems to work from what I can see.
It might be more cost effective to drive a fuel-efficient vehicle and stay in Airbnb's on a dollars per night basis, not to mention vastly more comfortable. What is the non-recoverable cost of a van (depreciation, maintenance, gas++) per night?
I definitely know one guy like you mention. He has a $60k used van build but stays in motels when it's cold. Has to do a bunch of cold prep work (put up insulation, turn on a heater) in the van at night before he goes to bed in the motel. We were ribbing him for doing all this shit with his van with terrible MPG and scary driving on windy, icy roads in Montana (2WD very tall vehicle), while we were zipping around in a small SUV, but he likes the van because it's a trendy conversation piece / fantasy fulfillment.
Said friend of mine uses his van more like folks would tent camping; just for a day or three at a time. Or he'll sleep it in and shower at truck stops while driving cross country, but then have a destination where he stays at a rental place.
It works out quite well and he can afford it, so it's a great solution for comfort while traveling (no single night motel hassles) and is still fine once he gets there.
I feel like it would be more enjoyable to drive a comfortable fuel efficient car. Camp for a bit, stay in hotels for a bit. Just to give yourself that flexibility.
It’s easy to find parking in the city if you’re in any of the areas outside of downtown, like the sunset, you just have to move every week for street cleaning
I've just returned to Australia yesterday after 10 weeks living with my family of five (kids 4-10) in my shuttle bus in the US. Following vanlife communities, some people routinely raise this sort of thing like it's a gotcha, which I find strange. Advocating! Realistically, if you're on a roadtrip and broadcasting it publicly, the laundry stops and the like just aren't very novel or exciting. You photograph the hikes and the food and so on. I don't document doing laundry at home either!
Some people handwash clothes. Others use laundromats.
For the most part, I renovated our bus in a few days so it's nothing slick. We didn't bother with a bathroom because it's a lot of extra effort for something you rarely need. Maybe it disgusts some people, but when camping I can go 10+ days without a shower and don't feel horrible. People sponge-bath or use wipes. People with van showers often just use them as wet storage areas.
RV parks in the US right now are US$40-100. If you're not boondocking, state/national park campgrounds are often $35-40 range - you can get a mid-week basic motel in a little town for $40-50 and chew through someone else's internet, hot water, etc.
Many people forgo a sink, but washing dishes isn't too painful, even with unheated water or water heated on a gas cooktop if you don't have a hot water system.
We typically travelled with a few gallons of drinking water and then 10 gallons of water for washing up. People with better setups would have a lot more. Expedition vehicles have even more (water, grey, black and fuel, etc).
TL;DR: some of these things are glossed over because they're boring. Washing up isn't difficult in a van/bus. People use laundromats for clothes. Showers/bathrooms use up more space and are a hassle to build.
This is ridiculous, I have met several people living full time in them and not any of them do this and spend time in hotels. If anything at all they have a home base and will do domestic things at home between trips, but they all use laundromats and public showers, etc in between.
The main reason for this is because showering and washing stuff (clothes/dishes) and generally keeping clean is a huge pain in just a van. Without a source of fresh water and easy way to store and heat it, you get dirty really fast. Especially if you're hiking / mountain biking / doing whatever beyond just sitting around.