The number of men with the attitude that the problem couldn’t possibly be the way they use the apps is astounding.

A female friend of mine took some very expensive online dating class run by a former data scientist from one of these apps and she started her own side business fixing mens profiles. I was very skeptical at first but I have several friends who’ve used her. Each of them went from basically no success at all to getting dates every week.

The good news is while there’s probably nothing you can do to make it a truly enjoyable experience, online dating can work quite well largely because the competition is so poor. Ever watch a female friend swipe? It’s amazing how bad most men are at this.

Was it Logan Ury? If so I think that’s part of a much more complicated and nuanced discussion on self worth, self reflection, knowing what you want etc more than anything specific to “apps”

I think the teacher of the class was female but I’m not certain! Honestly I’ve seen some of the profile transformations she’s done and they’re good. They got great results. And there’s nothing magical about them, just some good insights.

I can't claim to be any kind of expert, but there are a number of TikTok accounts that get into this kind of thing, like Eric Explains. One of the biggest principles is that many women come to an environment like a dating app with a lot of preconceived notions about the men they're going to find there— that they're all going to be sleazes, pathetic, desperate, bland, immature, out of shape, whatever.

So your #1 goal with a profile is to use the pictures to tell a story that challenges these preconceptions. For example:

- Overall, favour photos that other people took of you over selfies (communication: I have good people in my life and am not looking for a support system)

- A picture of you being domestic, like cuddling your pet, cooking, or even cleaning (communication: I have my shit together, can take care of myself, and am not looking for a substitute mom)

- A picture of you doing something active that you love (communication: I already have interesting passions and will have worthwhile things to talk about)

- A picture of you giving a presentation (communication: I'm a leader, people listen to me when I speak)

- A picture of you in a suit at an event (communication: I clean up nice, I get invited to fancy parties)

- A picture of you in an exotic location (communication: I travel and have varied experiences)

But the main thing is that the pictures tell a story far more than the words do, so use the pictures. Don't make the words a bland list of assertions about your personality, instead use that space to tell a joke or give a conversation prompt.

And then there's a few sort of obvious turn-offs to avoid, like the shirtless bathroom selfie, the fish pic, the pic with your ex, the joke that you're willing to lie about how you met. All of that just makes you blend in with the crowd rather than stand out.