Kennyblanken opens up the fifteen inches of aluminum that is his aging Macintosh Book Pro, produced by a company laughably named after a piece of fruit and formerly headed by a brilliant but somewhat psychopathetic man, now long pushing up the daisies, and taps out the commands to login to his account on the antiquated and increasingly inaccurately named hackernews, bathing in the yellow-orange theme as he stretches across the pale green couch in his small apartment in the big city. Outside, a 2007 Neopolitan Flyer bus roars by, half full with tired commuters.
He expertly massages the worn keys to type out a lengthy and witty response about how he'd imitate the style of a famous novelist whose prose exists mostly to result in the sacrifice of as many innocent trees as possible - demonstrating how to stretch "I'd use Dan Brown's writing style" into nearly two full paragraphs of text.
To be a proper Dan Brown, you'd need to start with "Internet Commentator KennyBlanken" (or some other prefixed descriptor.)
cf [1]
"I think what enabled the first word to tip me off that I was about to spend a number of hours in the company of one of the worst prose stylists in the history of literature was this. Putting curriculum vitae details into complex modifiers on proper names or definite descriptions is what you do in journalistic stories about deaths; you just don't do it in describing an event in a narrative."
He expertly massages the worn keys to type out a lengthy and witty response about how he'd imitate the style of a famous novelist whose prose exists mostly to result in the sacrifice of as many innocent trees as possible - demonstrating how to stretch "I'd use Dan Brown's writing style" into nearly two full paragraphs of text.