that anxiety is not your fault, nor is it your wife's fault. and unwillingness to acknowledge it may even be an inability to do so. a lot of people go through some kind of trauma during their childhood, and who knows what your wife went through to come out with that anxiety. it can take people decades to understand what their childhood did to their life, and for some therapy is needed to help unraveling things. as long as you both do your best, your children will understand when they grow up.