Thank you for posting this. It's a very long read so I fear it won't gain much traction, but I think it helped shed light on a malaise that I've felt since adolescence. Therapists and partners have told me I don't practice enough self-love, but to say I self-loathe also felt like a lie. This line in particular crystallized the disparity: "Pathological shame is an irrational sense of defectiveness, a feeling not of having crossed to the wrong side of the boundary but of having been born there." I'll keep this writing in mind as I move forward.