> If you aren't succeeding, you are failing - and I was expected and taught to succeed by default.
Nitpicking, but you were expected to succeed by default, and also taught to strive for success by default (and presumably also taught the tools and approach to maximize likelihood of success). People cannot be taught to "succeed by default", anymore than someone could be taught to "win the world series by default".
And then that unpacks the challenge of this particular world view (and points at why the 'self-esteem thing' is a thing), is that learning to strive for success, and learning the tools and methods to achieve success does not mean you will actually reach success (this would just be a variant of the just-world fallacy). The challenge is how do you create the motivating factors and structure for as many people as possible (hopefully everyone) in your society/culture to earnestly strive for success, but not crack apart when they encounter continued failures.
I've had my fair share of failures that's for sure. I'm do not expecting to actually succeed every single time, but I am putting in the best effort to at least try to succeed instead of just trying to coast along or shrug it off being like "meh, just wasn't in the cards". I also don't expect massive celebrations when I actually do succeed - success is what is expected. If I'm supposed to make the big sale, I don't get a party after I just move on to the next big sale. It's what is expected, not exceptional.
That's fair. And to be honest, I have a very similar mindset - so I'm super not judging.
Just making an observation that scaling this up to a population level is tricky. Easy to mangle up the nuances when trying to impart this to children. I suspect you need a relatively stable environment for this to really take hold as well. And finally, you do actually need to be able to feed the child some degree of external success to get them to actually buy into this.
Maybe I’m not articulating myself correctly because I certainly do not want to imply or say that there is no joy in my life. I guess the “joy” in my life is just intrinsic rather than extrinsic? I get immense satisfaction out of my work itself and “succeeding” in and of itself is motivating. I also find mentoring/helping others succeed to also be extremely rewarding. The greatest joy I get in life is seeing how my actions have improved the lives of others in some way.
I also feel very fulfilled from my personal relationships, family and lifestyle that my “success” affords me.
Nitpicking, but you were expected to succeed by default, and also taught to strive for success by default (and presumably also taught the tools and approach to maximize likelihood of success). People cannot be taught to "succeed by default", anymore than someone could be taught to "win the world series by default".
And then that unpacks the challenge of this particular world view (and points at why the 'self-esteem thing' is a thing), is that learning to strive for success, and learning the tools and methods to achieve success does not mean you will actually reach success (this would just be a variant of the just-world fallacy). The challenge is how do you create the motivating factors and structure for as many people as possible (hopefully everyone) in your society/culture to earnestly strive for success, but not crack apart when they encounter continued failures.