If you've put in the hard yards leading up to it, it will be much easier. We don't really have much trouble from either of our two, but they're early into their teens (13 ands 15). Talk to them at a higher level than you think they're at and they'll pick up what you mean if not by the actual words, then by the tone and body language and all those other factors we, as adults, pay zero attention to. And make sure to explain things, take the time. Explain your choices, explain why they have to go to sleep, why they can't just eat dessert forever, why mummy and/or daddy have to leave them for the majority of sunlight hours five days a week. They understand more than you think they can, and they're always learning from literally everything that you do when you're around them.
I'm actually not looking forward to the later teen years for a couple of reasons:
- Girl/Boy-friends and associated emotional messiness
- Their moving out - Empty nest syndrome. I moved out at 18, which is only 3 years away for my eldest.
The 15-year old has always been good at pointing out flaws in our logic when either trying to discipline him or get him to do things he doesn't want to do, and we choose to persist with answering his talk-back to a certain point, but after that it's "do it or else". He's generally compliant, but will let us know if he thinks we've done him an injustice. And I'm fine with that. Don't roll over, but know when you're beaten. He plays computer games too much, but is still getting "good enough" grades and playing two sports, so it's difficult to justify coming down too hard on him for the (unbelievable to the parent version of me) amount of time he 'wastes' gaming. Little version of my pre-parent self. I suppose the gaming keeps him out of other troubles. He also put his PC together himself and has a frankensteined mechanical keyboard with replaced switches and keycaps. Sigh (that's a sigh of jealousy for the time he has to pursue these things).
The 13-year old is the most beautiful human I've ever met. She's so much better a daughter than I deserve. She's smart, she works hard at school, sport, music, and is friendly and nice and unbelievably aware of, and capable of dealing with, different personality types and their social 'comfort' or otherwise. We have a great relationship, she confides in me things I wouldn't always expect. She's the literal example of "having kids is like wearing your heart outside your body". She's more dependent upon parental attention and support than the 15-year old, and not just because of the age difference (maybe it's a gender difference). I'm vaguely concerned about how her transition to real teenage-hood and puberty will change her, but I'm also relatively comfortable in that we've set her up, as best as we possibly could, to not go off the rails.
It's not that I don't love the 15-year old as much, but he needs it less overtly. He's, like, on his own path already, we're just there in case. There was a recent incident in which he actually initiated a hug with me to comfort the both of us. That never happens. But it shows he's still our little dude in there.
I consider rebellion as part of growing up. Better earlier, while you still have some leverage, than later. My son waited until his 20s and it's been hell.
Thanks, yeah, we also have a girl on the way and an older boy. Looks like I'm in for a similar adventure. I also left at 18 and you're right that seems young now. But at the time, I remember feeling quite old. :)
