- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jQtmSZetJM

- https://aaroniba.net/how-i-cured-my-rsi-pain

- https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/09/well/mind/john-sarno-chro...

- https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/well/chronic-pain.h...

Over the years I had been to 4 different physiotherapists, tried everything from regular core exercises formulated by Stuart McGill, to Infrared heat bands, climbing alot. It would always come back.

I picked up Sarno's book about 6 months ago and I approached it with a highly skeptical eye. My back pain is nearly completely gone. I have had very minor flare ups that last a day or two, but I just repeat a few mantras and it disappears the next day (whereas before the same kind of flare up would last for months).

I even had MRIs done at the start of the pain, I had multiple bulging disks and even a spine that appeared too straight. For anyone reading, don't let this discourage you. 50% of people who have had bulging disks appear in an MRI don't experience any pain at all!

Sarno's book has some pretty flaky theories behind how the pain manifests and the physiology of it all, but the overaching theme is that repressed anger / anxiety can manifest as severe back pain. Once you recognise this you can lose the pain. I never thought I would fix my back pain, but now I have.

Read the book if you're suffering!

also there are non individualistic leverage to curing the mind/body aspect

I tried a lot of meditation, hygiene and sport, but nothing had as much impact as having a daily life (commute,job,colleagues). It seems we're also very dependent on our context.

https://web.archive.org/web/20101210060431/http://podolsky.e...

> Here is my summary of what I think is most important in Dr. Sarno's theory:

> 1. The mind and the body are linked. Classic example: the placebo effect -- your mind thinks it's gotten a pill that's gonna fix your body, and what do you know, believing that leads to your body fixing itself.

> 2. Not only can the mind-body connection lead to your body healing itself (as with placebos), it can also lead to the body harming itself, or creating pain.

> 3. Now why would your body do this? In my experience, people with chronic RSIs are, deep down, not happy.

Not terribly impressed, especially the last one, try to be happy when you have pain every minute, especially when you were happy beforehand.

From wiki:

> Sarno's most notable achievement is the development, diagnosis, and treatment of tension myoneural syndrome (TMS), which is currently not accepted by mainstream medicine.[...]

> Patients typically see their doctor when the pain is at its worst and pain chart scores statistically improve over time even if left untreated; most people recover from an episode of back pain within weeks without any medical intervention at all.

> James Rainville, a medical doctor at New England Baptist Hospital, said that while TMS treatment works for some patients, Sarno mistakenly uses the TMS diagnosis for other patients who have real physical problems.

I would ask you to read his books' reviews (of which there are thousands on Amazon). Are all of these people who were cured from many years of pain lying? Are the other commenters in this very thread lying? There is mounting evidence that Sarno's theories are, in fact, of merit--e.g. https://www.bidmc.org/about-bidmc/news/2021/09/researchers-m....

The ability for psychological expectations to cause physical pain and even physical symptoms (like those of an allergic reaction) is relatively well established science.

You didn’t address any of those. Neither did you address his own.

Even if it was only one, reasserting the author thesis, pretending to ask why he is dismissive while ignoring everything he brought is not a constructive contribution. It’s manipulative at best.

How I Cured my RSI Pain - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1269951 - April 2010 (75 comments)

Lots of Sarno over the years:

https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=false&qu...

From 2016: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12990976

From 2021: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=26120633

Nowadays I've started doing the wim hof method and it's unbelievable my body can endure 7°c bath and I don't feel that cold or fall sick taking an ice cold baths everyday even during winters. The reason I'm mentioning this is because it really seems our minds are much more capable of things for which common sense goes against.

I think like the way germs were discovered which changed our understanding of medicine, within a few decades it will also become a norm to assess patient's mental condition before checking for physical and hopefully using the mind to cure a lot of disease. I feel like a hippie saying these things but after sarno and wim hof I've become more open to the power of human mind.

(1) https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17982355

>Sarno explains how your unconscious mind can provoke physical pain by manipulating your autonomic nervous system to deprive muscle tissue of oxygen. The book posits that the unconscious does this because of unresolved, unconscious stress that exists deep in your mind. By inducing physical pain, the unconscious creates a distraction that prevents this stress from becoming conscious. You can eliminate the pain by addressing the unconscious stress and becoming consciously aware that the pain is merely a distraction, thus rendering the unconscious's technique unnecessary and ineffective. The book provides specific methods for accomplishing this. I applied these methods and my pain disappeared.

Seems like it could be very effective, and something I'll keep in mind if I ever end up suffering from chronic pain.

Or to phrase it the other way: I have had some or the other sort of pain in my life, and these pains did, rather randomly leave. Would I have read a book or done some random ritual at this point in time, I might now misattribute the relief to the random ritual.

I can't know for sure. Though there is this:

https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/retrain...

> “For a long time, we have thought that chronic pain is due primarily to problems in the body, and most treatments to date have targeted that,” Ashar says. “This treatment is based on the premise that the brain can generate pain in the absence of injury or after an injury has healed, and that people can unlearn that pain. Our study shows it works.”

My back was feeling worse and worse until I read the book though. My partner reported the same thing. It could be a coincidence but the book was short, contained a few good lessons, and costs me nothing to recall the information in the future.

https://www.zoffness.com/resources

Curable is also a useful resource:

https://www.curablehealth.com/

He basically says that your pain is coming from stress from psychological issues and what you need to do is therapy and Journaling.

I believed this nonsense in regards to my own back pain for a long time. Ironically my pain of 5 years started to subside as I gave up these beliefs although I don't think that was causal.

I had a physical injury to my neck muscles. It turned out what I needed was years of rest and pt to that muscle system. No amount of Journaling is going to fix real injuries

I'm pretty skeptical of what he says, but there is definitely enough smoke that a fire is possible.

No horse in this race, by the way. I've never had chronic pain, I just think the topic is interesting.

Please don't dismiss Sarno's work as BS. It may have not been the right fit for you, but it is for countless other people. Sarno's work is aimed at exactly people who don't have a real biomechanical issue like yourself. It's not a one size fits all, nor is Physiotherapy or surgery.

Also in general, Sarno doesn't reccomend journaling to everyone. A simple mindset change works for most people. Worked for me.

A: Read this book.

Only on HN...

This website is a text based medium. Literally the only thing that can conveyed here is information.

Books, as you are aware, can contain even more information and advice than this website.

If the person was looking for something other than information and advice, they would be looking elsewhere.

Verbal clues and facial expressions are also pieces of information, so the fact that HN is a text-based medium does not set it apart from other communication mediums only because it conveys information.

People going to HN to ask for help probably do this because they are familiar with this community, not necessarily because it is text-based and probably haven't rationalized this aspect that much.

Anyway, good luck to OP. I don't have any insight on this matter.

OP needs to see a doctor first instead of trying to use a placebo.

So while I agree the mind does play a part in chronic pain, it is not necessarily the only part.

I read this book and it did nothing for me. I had actual medical issues, and I kept going to different doctors and physios until I found one that found the issue and solved it.

OP needs to go see a sports physio and neurologist.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50021854-the-way-out

> Psychotherapist Alan Gordon was in grad school when he started experiencing chronic pain and it completely derailed his life. He saw multiple doctors and received many diagnoses, but none of the medical treatments helped. Frustrated with conventional pain management, he developed Pain Reprocessing Therapy (PRT), a mind-body protocol to eliminate chronic pain. He subsequently founded the Pain Psychology Center in Los Angeles to bring his treatment to other pain sufferers.

> PRT is rooted in neuroscience, which has shown that while chronic pain feels like it's coming from the body, in most cases it's generated by misfiring pain circuits in the brain. PRT is a system of psychological techniques that rewires the brain to break out of the cycle of chronic pain.

> The University of Colorado at Boulder recently conducted a large randomized controlled study on PRT, and the results are remarkable. By the end of the study, the majority of patients were pain-free or nearly pain-free. What's more, these dramatic changes held up over time. The Way Out brings PRT to readers. It combines accessible science with a concrete, step-by-step plan to teach sufferers how to heal their own chronic pain.

If you live with family focus your tasks maybe on easing their life, pull out 10 weeds out of the garden, take out the trash, fix a squeaking door. Small but attainable things.

Chronical pain is a mess, it's relentless and it's always there, it doesn't go away, but you learn to deal with it. Focus on the pain initially, learn what pain you have and focus on it. I learned to focus on it and make a mental note (do not know how else to say) that it's not worth paying attention to, and I get by without medication. It's not always easy and there are days where you want to cry and cry and just fall asleep so you do not have to feel it. It's normal and accept that not all days will be the same and successful.

It's a tough hill you are up against, but all shall pass and all will be well in the end. It's unbelievable sometimes, but all shall pass. Remember that.

Good luck, don't falter, reaching out is the first step!

I’ve met folks in unusual industries that need ongoing tech work/knowledge but have no desire to have this knowledge and effort in house. Medical device manufacturing was one such field. (work was government compliance, and server patching/network maintenance)

The way to find these is to really just look for a job which emphasizes enterprise, a tech you know, and the main focus being upgrade from version X to version Y. Bonus points if this is in a large firm with minimal competition in its sector.

These companies largely need someone to be there in case they might need some job done, but generally they need people to pretend to be busy. With remote work, they probably don’t need you to try particularly hard at that.

This. I had two tries at starting up last decade, failed. Good for me, I had some back up plans. Beyond all, I realised, a regular salaried job is a privilege. There is nothing wrong in taking up a full time 9-5 job. In my case I had a full time job, before, and just continued it after my venture went under water. For some reason such a job which is something most people aspire for, is considered some sort of a failure in entrepreneur community. You get a salary every month, with annual bonus, and health care plus vacation covered. How is this failure? If anything this is the best thing that can happen to many people on this planet.

I'd advice the OP to consider taking up a full time job. If you have started up and seen any amount of success at all, chances are you will do good at interviews and eventually at your job. Do this for a few years until, fix your health and finances- and then work from there.

No promises but, if so (and assuming you don't get plenty of better suggestions and offers here), drop me an email: bart PERIOD read THEALIKECHARACTERTHATISNTANAMPERSAND savanta DECIMAL POINT com.

I'm the CTO so have a meaningful level of influence but can also tell you that what's most likely to scupper us working with you, apart from a skillset mismatch, will be some BS about creating IP and taxation within a US state (or some other legal nonsense that makes it hard or impossible to work with you even though we are incorporated in the US).

I'm sorry I can't be more directly encouraging but do reach out if you're interested and I'll see if I can help.

EDIT: One other thing that might be useful to us, doable part time, and would I think sidestep any issues around IP creation. How are your management skills? And might you be willing to work slightly odd hours? E.g., afternoons, to cross over with the UK (obviously depends where you are in the US).

He had been buying disability insurance, the whole time (he says it was pretty expensive).

It ended up saving his ass. He makes more money from the disability insurance, and SSI (It is possible to get it, if you have doctors. Many lawyers also help -for a percentage), than many folks make, working.

Of course, it's likely harder to prove such a claim, as the insurance companies look out for fraud. But if you have a clear and well-documented history, medical files, etc., I would think you should be eligible.

Note that your megacorp group insurance policy is likely more limited, e.g. it may not have any coverage for partial disability.

Happy to be corrected by those more knowledgeable.

Carpal tunnel is a medical condition. You can take an xray and see inflamation and rule it.

You can't really do that with pain or brainfog. There is no test "how real is this persons pain".

You know people on group disability policies can have to wait up to 18 months for disability while their disability insurance unreasonably denies their claim, and that the laws governing these plans don't actually allow you to collect damages but only the disability benefits you were actually owed in the first place?

It might be better than SSDI, but not much.

I know of two folks personally, and many more folks second hand, who have battled to get disability insurance they are rightly owed. The insurance agencies will do everything they can to prove you are a fraud, like have private investigators tail you for weeks to collect photos of you doing things that people who are disabled obviously can't do. They'll go to your door to trick you into talking to them, they'll talk to your friends and family and colleagues and clients behind your back. They'll track your car.

Both cases I know personally ended up giving up on collecting insurance due to the full-time nightmare it required. One even moved overseas to get the insurance company off their back years later.

When I got licensed, they quoted to us saying that "you are 8 times more likely to need disability insurance than life insurance (and you are guaranteed to die!)." This is due to something like 20-25% of people needing disability insurance during their working careers and most people dying during retirement with not a lot of bills left behind.

I'd also like to add that if you end up collecting, DI payments are TAX FREE. The second I found out this existed I got a policy asap lol

At least that’s my understanding, anyone reading should confirm with a DI broker.

Pro tip: get this while you are employed full time before you jump into self employment (at least look into it).

What might help you is looking for a job with part time responsibilities and part time wages and investing full-time into that job if you need to to keep up. If this is viable for a tech role you’re likely to easily afford your fairly modest lifestyle living with family. I know this sounds a bit depressing as you’re essentially taking on a full-time schedule for part-time pay but it’s better than not having a job at all. Other options include looking at work where pain isn’t likely to substantially impair your performance so that you’d be able to get things done. This may involve drastic pay cuts as well, but again while you’re living with family and have a modest lifestyle even a drastic pay cut from peak of the tech market can lead to affording what you need.

As far as therapists go, I’d be considering reevaluating the ones I’ve talked to if you talked with them about your dwindling financial resources and none of them attempted to find an adequate solution or tried to help you get back on track. If you haven’t mentioned it at all you may want to consider doing so if they might have useful advice.

If all else fails, cut costs aggressively. The lack of freedom from not having your own car sucks but it’s better than being bankrupt or cutting needed therapy (if a family member can drive you there). If cutting a car is absolutely impossible for your life then it seems essential to figure out what work you can manage to handle and seek employment in that quickly.

At least in the USA, the ADA ensures that many places are built to be wheelchair-accessible; bathrooms in public places have accommodations, grocery stores have ramps, stairs always have an alternative, etc

I'm pretty sure in most countries in the world, mobility would be far lower for the disabled.

It's why the US border is clogged with people trying to get in. They hate the better care elsewhere, obviously.

Yeesh.

The fact that you have one border with one country that is significantly behind you economically and people cross that border to try and find a better life is not evidence you’re the best place ever. Maybe Mexico is a hellhole and America is thoroughly mediocre but still better than a hellhole. Most people in most parts of the west won’t trade their rights and benefits for the American side of the equation. The world is watching in disbelief as your Supreme Court sets you back 50 years on basic bodily autonomy, freedom from religious coercion, or the ability to have environmental standards. People of the world mostly don’t want to trade their rights for whatever rights Christian Facists deem acceptable.

The US is such a bad country by almost any fundamental metric... I think it's just a matter of time before its economic privilege implodes.

> While US political risk in global comparisons is still relatively low (it ranks 85 out of the 127 countries tracked by Rosenberg), it is now by far the highest of any developed market. Only countries such as Turkey, Colombia, Mexico and Israel look anything like the US within the OECD nations. Even more worrisome is the fact that the change and volatility of key metrics, including the risks of social and government instability, political violence and even the risk to democracy, make the US look much more like a developing nation than a developed one — let alone the supposed leader of the free world.

https://www.ft.com/content/7b40420e-c678-4400-a4bd-ccdbbc445...

If you live within a couple miles of a cafe, then you can walk there and back everyday to get out of the cabin fever feeling, get some exercise, and change up your scenery for a boost in energy. I know a couple miles sounds like a lot, but you have to recalibrate your thinking to your current needs. When I didn't have a car, I used to walk 4 miles/day. Then I got a bike, no car payment or insurance. Then I got a car. Find your path back to what makes you happy. Chances are, that doesn't require a car.

Depression: It sounds like you've gone down the clinical route, so there's no need to cover that. From there, I'm not sure what your aspirations were in the startup world, but you might have to be honest with yourself about what is realistic and where your skills are now. Again, recalibrate your thinking and take it one step at a time. Your immediate task, besides your health, is to get a job that you can do.

Again, remote jobs are a plenty. What are your skills? Keep applying, keep working, eventually you'll find a remote job were the expectations are low and you can keep up. If we knew what your skills are, maybe there's even someone here who needs a part time person with those skills. Avoid startups and consulting, those are going to be high demand and that's not right for you right now. You've got this.

What state are you in? I know you mentioned SSDI, but just to relieve some of the stress of getting by, you should try to apply for as many public benefits as you might be eligible for (SNAP/food assistance, Medicaid [medical care], affordable connectivity program [internet], Lifeline [phone.]) With little or no income, you should get some decent support from these programs.

For getting disability support (SSDI, or SSI), you might consider getting a lawyer. You're right it can take a long time to get this, but odds go up if you have a lawyer helping you. You can also contact your local legal aid which you may qualify for based on income.

In terms of jobs I'll do some thinking and see if I can post more. Are there any activities that you can definitely do without getting stuck due to your disability? There are definitely options for flexible computer work, and also things that are more phone-oriented.

Don't lose hope! There are workable solutions to social problems.

Hang in there..

It helped a lot with my depression, and some people have found serious benefits with chronic pain. It seems to help people disconnect from the physical pain and not have it affect other aspects of their life as much.

If that doesn’t appeal to you, look for other changes that can enforce some routine in your life. Taking in-person classes at a college, joining a yoga class, meeting a friend for coffee every morning, volunteering at a shelter, cooking breakfast for your family every day… something that turns your focus towards others a little can be helpful.

https://stanfordhealthcare.org/medical-clinics/pain-manageme...

https://med.stanford.edu/pain.html

https://med.stanford.edu/pain/about/chronic-pain.html

Some years ago I developed chronic lower back pain from poor sitting posture. It was partially debilitating - not to the level yours is, but it significantly negatively impacted my ability to stay active and thus healthy and thus able to maintain peak performance at work. But I joined a Stanford clinical trial on lower back pain, and it cured me permanently, and they even paid me a small stipend for it! So I think it’s worth a try if you can swing it.

I'm a traveling controls engineer, systems integrator, it is not a easy life. I've had plenty of burnout moments, those 100hr weeks where you worked everyday just getting the job done. As that is what needs to happen when a scheduled shutdown of a facility that pulls in over a million dollars a day is non operational. Falling behind is not an option. Luckily for me I've had pretty good luck for the most part and have always been on top of things.

But issues do happen, like the electrician landing 120v to a analog card that the lead times for makes it unobtanium. And with that the old VFD's that relied on that card for a return speed reference. In those times using generic remote IO you had in your truck with a analog card can get things up and running, and make you look like a hero. But going without sleep to get it workin is not enjoyable. Anyone that knows AB Hardware and its shitty support of Modbus would know. Using a add-on you've never used, as you'd normally use a red lion in this use case.

My body aches all the time. and I always have a full work load. On top of three kids at home.

There is no excuse to being lazy. Even pain. Disability is min wage, it is a sad shitty life. My wife's mom is disabled, she has to live on what would be considered poverty wages. She doesn't do anything with her life, and she can't drive because of said disability.

Get to the Gym, get a job, get life back on track.

If you are done with programming, deliver pizza.

My best friend is a full stack web dev, but he too would rather not work as the idea of having day to day responsibilities is too much. He moved homes a year ago, and it still looks like he moved last week. Issue? he smokes pot non stop and gets by on minimal contract work while his wife bring in 80% of the income.

If you can program elixir and you can settle for a below-market rate I can give you a few billable hours and whatever schedule you can accommodate with your difficulties. It's not a long term solution but hopefully it could help patch the leak in your finances.

I guess my advice would be, do whatever is needed to make money, no matter how unpleasant, so that you can survive long enough to figure out what is wrong and get treatment. And don't rely on doctors for treatment.

The greatest TV show ever made (IMHO of course) was actually based on this premise, only the main character was a chemist, not a developer.

It sounds like you've found treatments that help you, but if not the Center for Complex Diseases is great with both ME/CFS and hEDS. If you have spine issues due to hEDS there are some PT's in the Bay Area that specialize in craniocervical instability and related issues. Just FYI.

People who are willing to work with you, who you can help, even in the context of your handicap, exist. Find them. Be honest about your handicaps.

I agree about being honest about handicaps. Especially if you know they can get in the way. People can easily forgive that when they know what to expect. I’ve been more upfront about it and having no issue finding work, but I feel far more at ease as a result. I’m even getting older; I’m 36 with a mild disability. I would have thought I’d be unemployable earlier in my life. Good people exist, and they get it. Definitely seek them out.

As for the search for meaning. I read that at a dark point in my own life and the main thing I got from it was perspective. What he describes is unimaginable. What I was experiencing was very imaginable. I found that very helpful.

Stoic philosophy has a sort of “zooming out” mechanism used to remind the practitioner how small they are in the scheme of things, how little their troubles matter, and Man’s Search For Meaning is an incredible tool for accomplishing this. Very few people can truthfully say their struggles are greater. It’s a window into how fortunate most of us, even with our hardships.

Chronic pain is legitimately hard to mentally distance yourself from though. Don’t hold it against yourself if reading the book doesn’t allow you to do so. I had chronic sciatica for around a year once and while I was young and stupid, I don’t think I’d handle it well today either. It was disabling in a truly unflagging and monolithic sense. I have no idea why it went away, but I can genuinely feel a sense of relief each time I think of it. It was torture.

Above all I would say don’t blame yourself or imagine you should do better or differently or whatever. Each step is part of it, whether it’s a good or bad step. You do the best you can with what you’ve got, mentally and physically, and no one said any of it would be easy. To be depressed about it is understandable. To be tired of it is as well. Struggling makes sense. Don’t hold that against yourself, if you do at all, and hopefully that can provide some relief.

Best of luck OP, and hopefully the traction this post got helps you see that people care, they understand, they relate. You aren’t alone.

Tame the Beast — It's Time to Rethink Persistent Pain, Lorimer Moseley This 5 minute animation explains how pain works, how our nervous system can learn pain, and explains new approaches to help reduce an individual’s pain. (5 min) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikUzvSph7Z4&vl=en]

Best Advice for People Taking Opioid Medication, Mike Evans This 11-minute video is great for both patients and clinicians. It explains what chronic pain is, what we know about the benefits and risks of opioid medications, and how to avoid the pitfalls that can be associated with opioid treatment. (11 min) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Na2m7lx-hU]

Understanding Pain: What to Do About It in Less Than Five Minutes? This easy to follow 5 minute video about chronic pain helps individuals understand what current research has been saying about chronic pain - that it’s not a joint or muscle problem, rather a 're-wiring' of the brain’s perception of itself. (5 min) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_3phB93rvI]

Chronic Pain Self-Management Resources This document provides a list of recommended chronic pain self-management resources that might be useful for primary care practices and their patients. Materials listed include three provider workbooks/manuals, along with resources your clinic might consider suggesting to patients. [https://depts.washington.edu/fammed/sixbuildingblocks/wp-con...]

I used to do this as a side gig and collected some resources and places that pay here [0]

I have since started a technical publishing company [1] so it's a full time focus and most of our writers work 20h/week or less. Feel free to apply if it sounds interesting.

[0] https://github.com/sixhobbits/technical-writing

[1] https://ritza.co

Start the process ASAP. With an attorney with good recommendations from others.

EDIT: AARP link because it was the least biased piece of info I could find on the topic that wasn't a lead or referral generator: https://www.aarp.org/retirement/social-security/questions-an...

LA would be hard, I feel for you.

Any suggestion on advocacy programs? I am in the Midwest if that helps.

I know that this depends on specific impairments, but have you found ways to do things you enjoy? This is the hardest thing for me right now: I don’t want to spend the rest of my life watching TV.

Maybe you want to pursue a creative endeavor. Piano, art, and game development (albeit at a very slow pace and intermittently) have been helpful for me.

I read a Priceonomics article entitled "What it's Like to Fail" and it really moved me during a low point in my life. The subject of the article wrote over 100 episodes of the TV show Roseanne, and wound up living in a van. The article, and the book he wrote to earn money, put a lot of emphasis on writing jobs; gig jobs. He wrote, wrote, and wrote more and slowly pulled himself back up.

https://priceonomics.com/what-its-like-to-fail/

Also, when I volunteered with the homeless I found the mormons to be an incredible resource. Most people don't know this, but the Mormon church is VERY giving and expects nothing in return. If you live near a larger city, the church has stores of food and supplies, and produce food to give to those in need.

Call your local mormon church, talk to the Bishop or a Missionary, and they will be slap happy over the moon to help. At the very least they can help supply food and other necessities.

I have a feeling they get so many not-actually-disabled requests that they create a break from the first request to the second to force the person to determine if they are really disabled. In some cases, it's probably very true, but it punishes those who actually are disabled and needing the pressure relief of a regular income.

https://www.ssdcservices.com/

Depending on where you are, areas with good social services tend to also have social/case workers who can help with disability claims, as well.

Felt like I should mention this in case someone is reading this thread who is in the same boat as the OP.

Think of an area of your body as only being able to transmit one signal to your brain at a time, i.e., only one signal may pass through the gate. If you are experiencing chronic pain in an area, you can apply a different (non painful) stimulus to attempt to override the painful stimulus. To achieve this, many physicians recommend wearing and applying a TENS unit (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) to the areas you experience pain. It is around $30 on amazon. Cheap solution that is worth a try.

There is more to say on this topic, and I am happy to discuss further. I wish you all the best.

[0] https://www.physio-pedia.com/Gate_Control_Theory_of_Pain

I'm glad to hear you at least are able to play video games and lurk on the net... having SOME activities and socialization is better than nothing!

That said, in terms of income... if you can do computer stuff, have you considered doing some freelance work from Upwork or similar? It's not consistent, offers no benefits, doesn't pay that great... but it's better than having no work at all. And maybe that would let you build up more of a portfolio for other companies to see.

Maybe the tech sector proper is at a glut right now, but other sectors (manufacturing, retail, etc.) still need devs & people with tech skills, and presumably the big ones are better about ADA accommodations. Maybe those are worth looking into, whether you want to go into the office or find a job that can accomodate you working from home?

-----

Also, work aside... it sounds like at least you have time on your hands, and have some mobility. Do you have national parks or monuments near you? Can you get an America the Beautiful National Park Access Pass? https://www.nps.gov/subjects/accessibility/access-pass.htm For a one-time $10 lifetime cost, it lets you access all of our national parks (which often have good ADA accommodations and interpretive systems) and similar recreational sites... a great way to spend a day or two away from the computer. A lot of them offer volunteer or limited part time work opportunities too. You won't get rich out of any of them, but it's a good way to feel better about the world and yourself and meet cool people to boot.

Without knowing anything about your disease, I know this is a moonshot, but try the carnivore diet for one month, then progress to the keto diet.

There are COUNTLESS reports online from people with autoimmune diseases and chronic pains from inflammation that all report that just eating eggs and beef basically cured them. I have experienced it on my own body and have seen 6 of my friends transform to vastly healthier selves as well.

I know beef is expensive, but so are your medical bills. If nothing else has worked, this is worth a shot.

There's tons of small companies that have real products and that are profitable but are structured with much more realistic growth expectations and targets. I work for one that is largely homebound or disabled people. We work when we're able to, we don't stress much when we can't work, and we do good work.

For example, I had a splitting migraine for 63 days straight, starting the day after Christmas this year. It took my neurologist designing a migraine-breaking drug cocktail to break it.

I don't know what kind of pain you are experiencing but just as a litmus test I would try to go trough easier yoga positions to check out where your body has deficits and visit a good sport physioterapist. I also got very good set of exercises from personal trainer that unblocked full mobility in my body and mobily has a lot of downstream effects. One of my best money spent IMO, just after surgery that got rid of nasty medical condition (in gut). After this relaxing morning yoga wins and is free.

How does the pain stops you from working? Can't focus? Stressing too much? Can't move? I had kinda chronic pain(lighter one) pre surgery and only thing was that I was tired all the time and depressed but I could work kinda fine but my stress management was bad (as any stressor got amplified by pain).

From health perspective I would check spine > gut > fascia/tendons/joints/muscles in this order. You can also get common hormones/markers checked to see if everything is all right.

I can also recommend sauna, massage or floating for relaxation of musles and mind. Maybe some of these will help you.

The best thing I found..

- Find out how much you can work. If it's even just 1 hour a day, you can still make a living.

- Make a list of people you don't want to lose contact with, you need to plan your visits and reaching out. Otherwise you'll end up alone, on your own. That makes everything harder.

- Find a job or business that can support async work. There's a lot more options these days than there were even 2 years ago. Startups, dodgy greyhat tech businesses, your own SaaS are all options. Find or create a niche. This is the hard one, but there's opportunity out there - you just need to find it. Blog posts on LinkedIn, Medium articles, get your name out there - this is a good start. Write about what you know, then write about what you're interested in. You're already on the front page of HN, so you're past the majority of people.

Right now you're out of money though so what you need right now is..

- To be able eat, keep shelter, and a source to support those things - in your case - internet and power.

Figure out those first. Because without them, you're screwed. Thankfully you're probably eligible for credit cards and all sorts of bad debt, obviously find the "best of the worst" option and go with that if you can't sell anything or loan from family.

Even though it may be hard to do so right now, try to focus on the things that are in your control at the moment. What was your skillset before your disability. Which of these skills do you still hold now?

Are there any disability inclusion legislations in your country you could take advantage of when looking for a job?

I'd even do some research. What is your long term goal? You said you were a founder in the past. Do you still want to do something similar to this? Try to see if there are founders that had similar situations to yours. You can even look into their lives and the road that they took before they got to where they currently are.

As for the short term things like being late on payments and bills, try to ask a friend or family member for help with your finances. They might be able to look at things more objectively and help you make cuts in certain areas until you get back up to where you may want to be.

This is all of course going to take a lot of work, and it's definitely going to have its challenges. This fight is not going to be easy but I assure you that it will be worthwhile. I wish you the very best.

Keto with good fats and eliminating keto snacks (and the snacking behavior altogether), can work absolute miracles. There's no question eliminating sugar and even most carbs will greatly diminish inflammation and improve energetic output via ketones and bypass the overworked carb pathways.

Anyway, such a moonshot diet exists, and it's zerocarb keto, some call ketovore, meaning mostly meat very high fat diet. Reddit has a r/zerocarb sub for the generic (not deliberately high fat) version.

I'm going to contact OP by email because I have a lot of experience with this, along with other advice for supplementation, etc.

You don't mention the cause of your chronic pain, but I'm guessing it's probably related to startup stress & long hours of tense work in front of a computer screen i.e. RSI. I'll add my experience here in case it's useful.

I went through several years of severe, disabling RSI / chronic pain in my 20s, about 6 years ago.

Have written two blog articles about it.

http://edgecase.net/articles/an_overview_of_repetitive_strai...

http://edgecase.net/articles/further_recovery_from_rsi

Recovered from 1-2% working capability to 90% (with some ongoing costs e.g. visits to osteopath).

There's certainly a mental component (you can get stuck in an emotional loop), so I haven't ruled out Sarno, mental recalibration etc. But I will say that dealing with the pain via direct loosening treatments of knotted muscle is almost definitely the right first step.

Hope you find these articles useful, and good luck.

I would assume an IC job with a single employer is easier to manage than founder or side projects or multiple consulting clients. Probably something where physical presence is required might actually be better (given that the rest of your life sounds unfulfilling). Not sure how limiting the chronic pain is for this, but finding something where you are provided housing/office/etc. at some location to do whatever work might be a good thing for a while (i.e. the tech equivalent of a remote oilfield job). These exist, but not sure how best to search for them. Might be a chance to transition from backend web dev to embedded, too.

(I was depressed/broke after a big startup failed and the dotcom collapse and crazy ex-gf in the bay area back in 2002; I went to Iraq/Afghanistan/etc for ~a decade to do tech stuff to get away from it.)

Good luck! (Also there's presumably some YC resource? idk, haven't really kept up on YC internal stuff for a while.)

Volunteering to help others has several benefits; You will have a tangible and meaningful impact on others; You will see that your skills are useful, and you are capable of employing them; You will form real human connections with other people in a context different than the one you're currently experiencing.

Another outcome of helping other people is that you will form a network people who know about you and what you can do. It's possible to use that network to earn a modest living, doing side jobs and small contracts. This is not the end-game of volunteering, that is still the help you provide to others, but it's a nice side-effect anyways.

Since you are someone with technology skills, I can tell you that there are many non-profit organizations who need a little bit of tech help, or a lot of tech help, and cannot find someone to do the things they need for nothing, or a even a reasonable amount of money. Don't be afraid to work for free, the thanks you will get are more than worth it.

There's a talk by Sandie Metz that I've shared with a lot of people called "Madame Sandie tells your future"[0] and I would give that a watch, it's quite inspirational and may help you to shift your perspective in a way that helps.

[0] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOM5_V5jLAs&t=216s

> I live as cheaply as I possibly can at this point. I live with family and only pay for absolute necessities.

My advice: sell the car or make the car generate income (delivery or app driving). Without income and near the bottom of your bank account is not the time to be driving a car new/expensive enough to have a loan on.

Can you code? If so please email me and I may be able to give you some work paid per deliverable. You can work on your own schedule without pressure. Nothing huge, just enough to get you started.

Email in profile

I'm not the OP, but I'm in a somewhat similar situation, and yes I can code, but my useful hours are very limited by chronic fatigue.

Do you think that what you're describing is generalizable ? I mean do you think that there are enough people who could use the kind of work you are describing so that it could benefit the, probably very many of us, who are in the OP's situation, rather than just be a one off for one person ?

BTW, an attorney for the SSDI appeal isn't a bad idea. There are downsides but they do navigate it all the time and the deck is not stacked in you favor. Also find a pain specialist with legal experience; it's important they know what to say since there are no scans or x-rays or blood tests that can say why you are laying in bed in tears waiting to be able to take the next pain med.

tyvm for the shrimp at gmail dot com

I know this is a long shot but if you've not tried it it's worth a shot..

Buy some quality local raw honey and start taking a couple teaspoons a day. You should know in a couple weeks if it's helping.

I had been dealing with severe shoulder pain for close to a year when an old friend told to try raw honey. I was hurting bad enough to give it a shot. It worked, and it didn't take long compared to how long I'd been hurting.

Since then I've told two friends of mine about it who told me were dealing pain, one was just two weeks from surgery for it. It worked for both of them too.

You might also look into getting some Manuka honey. The antibacterial properties are a bit different than local honey so if local doesn't work that might.

I can tell you it worked for the three of us.

I know you can. Asking for help is a huge step. You clearly want to get to a better place.

--

Ya, you'll need a lawyer for SSDI. I solicited referrals, contacted about 20, interviewed a handful, and then ultimately picked this one https://www.ddmglaw.com/about/ Look for someone similar close to you. Though everything's done remote now, so location might not matter.

You probably qualify for Medicaid too. Ditto food stamps.

Contact everyone to arrange late payments. You'll be surprised how accomodating some will be. For instance, I paused my mortgage for 9 months, and with the COVID carve outs, it was just some forms.

Your utilities might have special rates for low income. In my case, again, it was just some forms.

--

As for pain...

All I can say is don't accept "no" or "i don't know". Someone somewhere has the answers you need.

Last year I enrolled in Swedish Hospital's Pain Services program. It covered a huge amount of material. Stuff like tai chi, breathing, graded motor imagery, the latest in pain science, and more. I nicknamed the program "Pain College".

Pain College worked for me. Amazing. Beforehand, I would have bet against it.

Here it is. https://www.swedish.org/services/pain-services Don't judge them by their web site; they have no control over it. And it certainly does not reflect what they actually do. When I first saw it, I thought "ya ya ya, I've done all that already." I'm glad I enrolled anyway.

I'll checkout all the other tips and links. My next hurdle is some myofascial pain. I'm always learning new stuff to try.

It will take some time to startup snd get reputation on outschool but if you find enrichment with teach kids this could be something to consider.

I don't think it would be enough money to make a career but I'd you need to offset some bills it could be a quick way.

I became disabled due to chronic fatigue syndrome, and as I progressed until gradually unable to keep a job, I also went through what you are of being denied disability benefits, but a good doctor (specialist) helped me w/ an attorney referral, which along with letters from former coworkers. HR and family as to my condition, some careful record-keeping (hard and draining), and being able to stay with family until things stabilized more, were a big help when I went to the administrative law judge finally about it. My security is church and family, family and church (and given the government's track record, that is where it will stay--maybe states could do better, but I don't think the US fed ever could--long set of experiences there).

So I can sympathize: even though our conditions are different, I think there is some overlap. For my situation at least, graded exercise therapy or the belief it is all in one's head, are very unhelpful ideas (much could be said).

But now things have stabilized, I believe I will get better eventually, and there is hope for me, and there is hope for you. Don't ever give up.

Here is another recent article (related to overcoming depression with a multi-pronged approach, not trying to do everything at once but in thoughtful steps), which I thought was very good (has some religious aspects, which are actually relevant): https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2022/07/07...

Again, don't give up. It can really get to where things are OK.

Learning pacing (managing activity levels, following a sustainable routine) and general routines for managing life have been very important for me to get to a stable, somewhat predictable state. There is a web site that covers the pacing reasons and strategies for chronic fatigue people really well--if you want I can dig up the URL. And staying organized within those routines (managing todo lists so I dont forget things etc) has been necessary, because I just can't keep the essentials and planned tasks all in my head now, since I do them so slowly and gradually.

And practicing good mental habits (a learning process, over time), and reinforcing them with notes that I review periodically (anki, and other in the computer, and some daily with a set of mnemonics that grew up over time) has been necessary and very helpful also, to not get in a bad set of thoughts, but to respond in a good/planned way.

My doctor (Lucinda Bateman, a CFS research coordinator kind of person and founder of a center, BHC aka https://batemanhornecenter.org which has other materials including a CFS self-care brochure kind of thing, and ed. materials for doctors--they provide education that counts in professional training hours I gather, etc--not a cure so far though) recommended the site once. I have very many notes & other URLs, not all of known quality. More ideas than one can try reasonably, in a lifetime, I guess, so in large part I am waiting for COVID-19 ("long covid") research to shed more light on CFS, and answers to my prayers, and I expect to get better.

My efforts at routines (work vs. rest, doing things one at a time, per plan and in order), mental habits etc have expanded greatly beyond that. There is some stuff at my web site (in profile) which has my email in the footer if you ever want to discuss details, ideas, or questions further. It's still hard but I feel peaceful and pointed in the right direction. Best to you.

I got no advice, man, but you're not alone here. Being a 44 year old web dev with chronic pain issues sucks. I'm pulling for you.

I have known (and still do know) folks in the same boat. My own "origin story" is one that has some ... exciting bits ...

Some folks have managed to do well in life, despite the challenges; some, not so well. Not everyone can climb out on their own, and the type of help we need, varies greatly, on the kinds of things we don't want to talk about or face.

Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins is one of the better ones based on the various areas of your life. (Raising Standards, Limiting Beliefs, Change your Strategy)

If you don't read this book, there's plenty of others regarding how our mental state can do more damage than good. Some are even associated with chronic physical pain such as back pain or migraines.

For as little as $10 or a trip to the local library (or online version), you can potentially change your life by reading a book with something foreign to you that you try and it suddenly works.

By selling everything you own in the USA, you might end up with many many years of living expenses in say Thailand.

In todays world of remote work, even getting a tiny number of consulting jobs, at US rates because you have (presumably) a US education/work history, will then pay the bills.

Many countries have small populations of American/British people you could join. Check visa eligibility first - some countries are far easier to get into than others.

Obviously this probably depends on the whole family wanting to move - and thats a big decision for you to all make together.

Once you sort out a visa, you can literally buy a plane ticket, pack a backpack, and get on a plane.

Bali has recently introduced a nomad visa:

https://www.euronews.com/travel/amp/2022/06/24/balis-new-dig...

If OP were able to find part time work online, moving to a tropical climate in a new environment could potentially help their condition.

The biggest challenge would be medication, but even with that they could probably figure it out.

Living in a different environment can definitely help with your health. IMO, if they've been stuck where they are for years, it's not a silly idea at all to make a complete change of environment and see how they do.

Disabled and unemployed, not speaking the language, he will be trapped in a bad situation there with no one to help. It will be increasingly hard for him to come back to USA.

Also, CoL in major metro cities in a lot of these countries can be as high as that in USA. See cost of living in Europe or world major cities. I don’t think you can easily transfer money either.

I would argue against all the people saying you should read John Sarno or other mind-body connection books. Been there, done that, did not help with tendonitis. There are alternatives thesis that explain why those books help certain people and how the advice did not in fact help them. A good exposition can be found here:

https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/BgBJqPv5ogsX4fLka/the-mind-b...

Now on your problem. If it is related to chronically pain, you could try to come to Chile and get physical therapy for cheap. The medical system on the US cannot afford to pay for physical therapy, but can afford the pill subscription. There are friends in the US that have used pills for month for what known physical therapy exists, it is sad.

Locals tend to use FONASA, which is like the NHS for the UK. Paying from your own pocket (private) it is not cheap for locals, but for north-americans I argue it is. I would say

- 40 USD for the private medical session of diagnosis.

- 140 USD for 2 months of physical sessions (3 times a week).

You can heal a lot of stuff with those cost.

Plus the attention has a good cost / benefit ratio. Sure it is no mayo clinic, but you get cured in the end. The physical therapist (kinesiologo) I ended up attending was a college professor on the side. This was in Quilpue, not santiago! Plus he had great attention too!

I had RSI. The physical therapist uncompressed the muscles with needles and low voltage electricity. That made my brain realize "oh, those muscles _are_ overloaded" and uncompressed them; it is no acupuncture mumbo-jumbo. Then gave me a routine of exercise to develop the other half of the muscles that were overworked, so they got aligned. Afterwards on the third week I was back at work. I have to do complementary exercises every three days as a precaution (stretching, weights etc), but certainly this is sustainable. I had to do that anyways after 30.

I can see myself working for a long time. I don't feel afraid of hacking on OSS at night ;-)

https://talonvoice.com/

https://github.com/dictation-toolbox/Caster

https://serenade.ai/

Good luck, hope you find something helpful here.

In other words, back to good old days!

Is it practical?

Let me know if anybody actually thinks otherwise, I never tried it.

As always, consult a medical docter, don’t rely on internet medical advice blabla etc

Did you enjoy YC? Could you do it again?

My understanding is lots of large enterprise/legacy companies are constantly looking for startup experience since they want to replicate the startup success with their own projects and often consider their own projects to be startsup.

They certainly say that, but in my experience it is not true. They want cubicle monkeys with a CS degree that can do leet code.

Some small SaaS that is looking for full stack etc.

Consulting and startups are wayyy more stressful than changing a tooltip verbiage in a 2 week sprint (seriously the bar for full stack senior engineer so low you could trip on it at many places).

You could be burned out and physical pain can certainly be a manifestation of mental issues.

https://www.householdmoneysaving.com/free-paypal-money/

Lots of people work on side projects with no money nowadays - the situation is different than it was 10 years ago. Even putting a beta out there is doable for free with AWS credits or the free tier.

When you are calm, cool, and collected, take stock of what you have left, i.e. money, time, skills, health. Put them to good use. Learn to be frugal with your time. To me, time and health are more important than money.

Downshifting may be an option.

Put yourself on upwork (I assume you know programming).

If not, take up an administrative job, remote if you can find it in HR or recruiting or something similar.

Do you need to go undergo an operation and don't have the resources for it? If not, do medications help? At least to help you get work done?

The practical experience that I have is frequent exhaustion from things that should be easy, difficulty focusing, flu-like aches and tons of migraines.

Every hope for your success..

Most likely you have a virus or bacterial infection that hasn't been detected yet. I'm in a very similar situation like you so I'm speaking from personal experience. Ever been bitten by a tick? Do you have gut issues?

Read this, very important: https://www.hardtowrite.com/pathogens/

As for earning money: Assuming you're too unwell to consult, you can do mindless tasks on Appen. https://connect.appen.com/qrp/public/home Things like checking search results for Bing or Google, improving Apple & Google maps. Pay is between $15, $24 / hour depending on the project.

All I can say is focus on fixing the problem. Do whatever you need to do to diagnose yourself, heal yourself, and focus. Going to work through the pain an fatigue was tolerable only because it kept me able to pay the chiro/surgery bills.

Self diagnosis comes through process of elimination sometimes. Try eliminating or adding different things from/to your diet for a month, one at a time.

It's just an anecdote, of course. I hope you get cured :)

Have you been checked out for celiac? I had all sorts of unexplained health effects but the #1 thing was feeling exhausted all the time and falling asleep after lunch every day.

I am based in Europe, but used to live in the US. Is there a specific type of job, even if part-time, that you think you could do well?

Good luck

You should rest, says your aunt and her bridge friends. You don't really want to rest, but at the same time... that pain! Right? Can't really go to the gym now.. could I?

So, you stay home for the next two weeks. After two weeks, the pain is still there; you leave it for another two weeks before going to the doctor. Doc can't find anything wrong, so you get Ibuprofen for 2 weeks and rest, perhaps a little contention for your knee. After the two weeks are done, you feel a bit better, and you gained a bit of weight, so it's really time to go back to the gym.

You go back to the gym, pumped. First move, bam! Knee pain comes back. As sharp as ever. WTF.

Thing is. Not moving for a month or two and avoiding the pain has made all the muscles around your knee grow weak. Your threshold for pain is lowered by the inactivity in the limb, and your general fitness has severely diminished.

Is having knee pain as bad as your story? Of course not. Is that a helpful story? Well, maybe, you tell me.

I believe in both cases letting the pain control your life is a mistake. Even if it is the worst pain imaginable, do whatever you can to work AROUND it. What does it mean in your case?

Your pain does not forbid you to take care of your lifestyle: - Do not indulge in useless behaviours that kill your soul and increase your self-deprecation: (re)Build a discipline. - Eat well, sleep well and rise with the sun. - Do every bit of physical activity you can, regularly, like clockwork.

Can you do 20 pushups? 10? 1? Well, then it goes in. Can you run for 5 min ? You start there. Can you stretch your back ? Bam, in. You find out what you can do and make it a doable and improvable routine that you do EVERY SINGLE DAY, in the morning, preferably.

Work around the pain. Do not let it control you, build what can be built.

Your pain does not forbid you to take care of your mindset: - Find goals, start small, and keep growing - E.g. "I can't hold a job" --> that's a useless generalisation. Change it to rational thinking: are you cognitively diminished ? yes/no ? if yes, how much? Are there job for cognitively diminished people like you ? (probably, given that half the population has an IQ below 100). Are you physically dimished ? yes/no ? How much? Can you find a job that would work? Remote? Coding ? Job X ? You don't know how to do X ? Replace video games by Coursera. Get a certificate in X. Is it you can't keep a job because you aim too high ? Would it be ok to aim lower ? How low ? How much time would it be ok to be there ? - Keep a vision of what the future could be. Even with the pain, even with all the failures and broken dreams. Find out what it could be as if your life depended on it.

Anyways. There is no silver bullet. You are, or have been, at a threshold for a while, a fork in the road between extinction and rebirth.

My advice is to take the Ibuprofen or whatever antidepressant you can get, whatever can help you stand a bit taller and feel a bit less of the pain. But go back to the gym, work around whatever pain is left after that, and wean yourself off everything you thought you needed to go through the days. Progressively.

Also, obviously. Stop taking benzodiazepine, weed, alcohol or any other drugs. Get help if you can. You are in a fight for the rest of your life.

Good luck.

You're welcome.

I have a few thoughts.

1. Focus on finances. You say you're behind on your car payments. With the upside-down state of the current car market, there's an outside chance you could sell it at a profit, maybe clear 10k. (I have no idea what kind of car you have, but 10k > sales price is not unusual right now.) Maybe you could sell it, pay off the note, and have enough left to buy a very basic used car?

2. SSDI. A disability law firm can be helpful. I used them for LTD but they exist for SSDI as well. For LTD they work on a commission of your back pay once you are approved. YMMV.

3. Part-time work - at this point your focus needs to be on survival. What can you do, that's relatively in demand? Start there, worry about perfection in your career path another time. P/T flexible jobs for disabled people -- that's a need that's been unmet for years, but there are some developments in it. Try https://www.wearecapable.org// .

4. Keep up with the therapy. Also investigate nutritional deficiencies, thyroid imbalances, etc. Fixing them won't "fix" your problems, but it'll give you more physical and mental strength to deal with them. For more info see my short essay: https://radiosof.com/2019/09/22/some-interesting-tools-for-d.... The embedded links also link to some other essays on genetic and nutritional components to depression. Some of these can also affect inflammatory response as well. So finding out if you're bad at methylation and supplementing with B-12 shots and methylfolate (for example) could also potentially reduce some pain levels somewhat. Which would then allow you to think and strategize more clearly.

5. Depending on your issues, it's great to have really smart, genius-level doctors on your side. The Center for Complex Diseases in Mountain View is one such a place. I'm not sure chronic pain is their specialty, but perhaps you can call them and ask. I think Stanford has a pain clinic as well?

You're used to the YC world, where they talk about "10x" coders. Well, there are "10x" doctors. Once you get into the world of invisible hard-to-treat illnesses and you're trying to qualify for disability, you NEED a 10x doctor. First, b/c they might help you improve. And second, because they see people like you all day and they are going to be better at helping you qualify for disability than a regular primary care doctor.

I would recommend calling the Center for Complex Diseases, and asking if they cover patients like you, and if not, who they recommend. Then put the very expensive appointments on your credit card or borrow money, do what you have to. They are an investment in your ability to qualify for SSDI. A few thousands now may guarantee $18k/ year for the foreseeable future.

6. This website is the Bible for people navigating disability applications: https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/

Good Luck!

- try contracting! There are a lot of people who need a basic MVP written and do not have the skills themselves. Not everyone has a tight deadline, either, and if you're paid hourly, if you are too tired to work one day, no problem, they just don't pay you. Just set good expectations ("I can only commit to 20 hrs/wk, but may be able to do more", no need to mention why). Between skills, availability, and rate, there is a lot of room to maneuver: a very skilled US developer who can only work 10 hrs/wk but who charges a low rate might be quite worth it. (But choose clients carefully) I know Toptal has had a lot of these kind of jobs, and I expect the other agencies also have a lot.

- look for companies with lower expectations. From what I've heard (i.e. HN comments :), often small, non-tech companies might find even basic stuff really helpful. Also, big companies have a lot of time spent not-coding.

- you could specialize in understanding code to fix bugs. Fixing problems in million line code-bases involves a lot of reading and experiments, not banging out code. This pairs well with contracting, but this is also an asset to big companies.

- if your pain is physical (e.g. wrists), you might try voice input. My brother knows a blind developer (who uses Linux [!]), he presumably isn't typing 100 WPM, but is reliably employed.

- consider leveraging your technical abilities in other fields that don't involve typing/standing/sitting. As I understand it, technical sales (e.g. selling devices to engineers) requires understanding how the products benefit the customers and visiting customers, not cranking out code. "Applications engineering" is sort of like high-level tech support and consulting, and some engineering companies have a group like this.

- consulting to fellow founders. I'm sure you have something to offer.

- management or PM, and I assume you have experience with at least one of these as a founder. You can also do this as contract work; I've seen contract work for PMs, small team managers, and even CTO. (Presumably the CTO contract position was for a rather small company which was either too small to need a FT CTO, or bridging the gap until they found someone permanent.)

- tutoring HS math/science/programming. From what I've heard, tutoring rates can be quite good, especially if you target the market that can pay.

- if you need money right now, $1500/month at part time (80 hrs/month) is $19/hr, which is fairly achievable. This isn't fun or glamorous, but I know second-hand that doing phone support for AT&T, Verizon, etc. is paying about this; I expect they are always looking for people. My friend, who took the job (half-time) because of some physical limitations, went through a month of frustration, but came to an understanding of what the business goals/limitations are. He also quickly got promoted to trainer, so he enjoyed his role more. Not something you'd want to make a career out of, but it would stabilize the situation, and you'd still have 80 hrs to explore alternatives.

Also, this probably isn't a popular HN approach, but if your pain is physical, you could try divine healing. Find a charismatic church and ask for prayer for healing; if it doesn't work, at least it'll probably be a new experience. If you're near Redding, CA, the Bethel Healing Rooms has hundreds of people that come every Saturday, and I personally know a number of people that have been healed. (Don't read too much on the web, though, there are a lot of opposition to Charismatics that are opposed because of doctrine and take stuff all out of context. All the naysayers are really motivated to make websites going into depth about all the failings, but all the people that have a great experience don't have a burning desire to create websites about it, so search results are really skewed.)

There are tons of techniques out there, some of which have been proven by scientists to help reduce the symptoms of chronic pain. I'd suggest you find someone qualified teacher, since doing some of these on your own might be dangerous.

If you are willing to go for something more out there, I'd recommend reading this book https://www.amazon.com/Meditation-Saved-My-Life-Tibetan/dp/1... (it's free on libgen). It's the story of a Tibetan monk which was tortured in a Chinese jail and developed gangrene in one of his ankles, which progressed to the point of almost killing him and destroyed his joint. Doctors kept pressuring to have his foot amputated, but he sensed it'd be the wrong choice. Eventually, he went into retreat in his apartment and practiced some techniques for healing he had been taught in Tibet. Within a year, his foot was mostly healed, and eventually his body somehow managed to grow a new ankle joint.

The book is not explicit about what he did, but the two main practices he alludes to are called "tsa lung" (moving energy through the body) and reciting the "Medicine Buddha" mantra. I think you'll need an instructor if you want to practice "Tsa Lung" (the monk in the book teaches it, but he moved to France). But Medicine Buddha mostly involves reciting mantras and should be safe.

I don't have a lot of personal experience with the Medicine Buddha mantra, but reciting another mantra ("om mani padme hum") and similar practices cured a chronic depression that lasted more than five years. Saying "cure" is a bit of an understatement, because my outlook on life has radically changed. My external circumstances have not changed a lot, but most of the internal turmoil has mostly subsided. So on the base of that, I am willing to consider the possibility that a monk might regrow a joint by reciting a mantra.

You don't have to believe in cosmic blue Buddhas (in fact, the official position is that they don't inherently exist, just like you and me). I think of these practices as a technology developed by a culture that put the mind at the front and center of their inquiry into the nature of reality.

Here's some references: - Medicine Buddha mantra (so you hear what it sounds like): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoGmifZperY - A more involved practice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=on7kiQawZJ0

This second one is a more traditional presentation, so it might not be your cup of tea. But I am including it anyway just so you can get an explanation from someone qualified. Again, sorry if this is too out there. But again, I doubt you posted here because you wanted to hear the same answers you get anywhere else.

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I suggest you find work as a contractor in backend work just to stabilize yourself financially.

Try not to take it too seriously, consult with your doctors on how to manage your pain and depression and any anxiety you may have from backend work.

Once you are stabilized and maybe have moved to a low cost of living area, you can take your time to find a more interesting job :)

Good luck.

To start: this utterly sucks. If it makes you feel better, it's not as uncommon as people want to believe. It awaits probably half of the people here in middle age (meaning 40s and 50s) due to a mix of random bad luck and work stress. Unfortunately, there's no easy fix. Getting sick invariably damages your life, in our society, more than it should. Money problems are an absolute nightmare that cannot be understood except by people who have experienced them.

It is truly astonishing, in the United States, how quickly your life can turn to shit, and how readily our society will let it happen. If the 99 percent of people who will not inherit high positions in the corporate system realized this--if they realized that they are not protected by their educational paperwork or "professional network" (which will disappear as soon as they need it)--then our entire society would be overthrown (good riddance) in a few nights.

It's good that you have family you can live on, and you shouldn't be ashamed of the fact that you're in this situation, because it's not your fault (shame or guilt will just make it worse). Not everyone has that. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad about people who are worse off; I'm just stating a fact. People have come back from worse.. although the path is difficult and the odds are poor.

What happened with your consulting clients? Did you inform them of your situation, and were they understanding? Would you be able to use them as references? (If they say anything bad about you, you can argue that they're engaging in discriminatory communication and sue their dicks off... but, ideally, things would be in a state where they'd say good things.) Why wouldn't they have been accepting of your scaling down your hours?

The first thing you have to do is focus on your health, like nothing else matters. Easier said than done, I know. If you can improve your situation to the point where you can work 25, then 30, then 35 hours per week... then great. It might take a few years, though; health problems do not resolve quickly, especially later in life, and doubly-especially when bullshit survival pressures do not let up.

I think you and the corporate world are, to be frank about it, probably done. For all the claptrap about corporate "mission", the truth (that everyone knows but cannot speak) is that the work has no real purpose and it's all about the money (and ego and narcissism, but those are connected to the money and the ability to get it). When you become disabled, you're no longer in the running for the executive-level jobs that are the carrots dangled in front of the masses, and everyone knows it. So, the cunts up top will take your inability to work 70+ hours per week as an "attitude" problem rather than a justifiable concession to a hard medical need. You can draw out the process, document everything, and probably collect a better-than-typical severance when they eventually fire you... but I'm guessing this isn't the way you want to live. With or without severance (which is never enough, even if you played the disability endgame like a pro) getting fired every year still fucking sucks.

You could look at government jobs. There are a lot of jobs in the public sector that are "boring"--meaning there's a fair amount of bureaucracy, and you're not going to be flown to Hawaii after a product launch--but that will allow you to work from home, and scale back to part-time if/when you need to do so. (I'm guessing that your disability fluctuates, and there are times when you can work 40+ hours and times when not.) You're not going to make a ton of money, but (let's be honest) that's never going to happen for you (unless your disability spontaneously resolves, which I hope it does, but which can't be bet upon) in the corporate world either. Plus, while some government jobs are bureaucratic waste, there are a good number of them that actually serve useful social purposes, and give you something to think about other than your health.

The best strategy, if you can get it to work, is probably to find a "boring" (boring is good, because income is a utility and having it turned off fucking sucks) job with flexible hours where you can work from home. You'll need one with good medical benefits, too. The era in which you can bet your life on a dodgy startup (it didn't pan out the last time) is over.

Good luck! You are certainly not alone in this. Infirmity happens to all of us; the only variation is in when it comes.

This is true, unfortunately. There is minimal social safety net in the USA for people like OP. This is partly due to the very independent, self-determination mindset that has pervaded in the US since its founding. US values hard work and perseverance. The moment you cannot work, you are treated poorly and are a second class citizen.

Showing you are willing to work, even if it's slow, is worth a lot. So I certainly echo the sentiments in other comments, start small and stay consistent.

In the US it's really easy to spend $1500 a month even on medicine alone, not to mention food, electricity, etc.

In other countries, $1500 is minimum wage, and in others it's maximum wage for most people.

Making $1500 a month in Belarus, for example, puts you in the top 1% of everybody.

Of course, that oversimplifies the problem somewhat, since any changes could worsen the situation overall, e.g. decreased mental health. Sitting in a bare room paid for by someone else and watching the wallpaper peel away has very little out of pocket cost, after all.

The counterargument is that homelessness and loss of medication would probably be far worse -- for example, it could be wiser to sell the car and live an ascetic lifestyle for 16-24 months until the disability appeals are processed, at which point the OP could return to an equilibrium. Stretching out the runway, so to speak.

Forming any actionable advice in this vein is impossible without a better understanding of the OP's costs, however.

In any case, selling his/her car seems like an easy way to cut costs.

However it sounds like medical costs are the culprit, which was the intention of my question.

If the answer is "Yes", then stop watching TV, playing video games and lurking on the internet.

Honestly, this will sound heartless, but if you can play video games you can also work. The problem is more in your head and you need to shed the victim thinking and start focusing on what valuable you can do.

Even if your output is less than it was before, you can probably pay for a reasonable lifestyle.

Right now there is a lot of huge companies that will hire anybody that can code anything. Trust me on this. It is total seller's market. There are people who can't code and still get the job.

You say you are burned backend-centered web developer? You can probably get hired for full time, less ambitious job or contract and do your job in a fraction of time. The key word is "Less Ambitious". Which should help with your burnout. Just put a very strict work time / free time boundaries.

My burnout comes when I can't leave work even when I am at home and the solution is to give yourself permission to have time off. It is all in your mind.

People watch tv and play video games because they do not have a high mental demand. If you are on pain medication, or going without - your “free” mental cycles may be non existent

This isn't really true.

Disregarding the fact that the mental demands of software engineering work and games can be of different kinds, there is also absolutely a difference in volition.

Games are played voluntarily, and there's generally no external pressure (at least in single player games). Facing demands at work -- or even having the obligation to show up -- is not voluntary. You can also switch games at will. You can stop playing at will. Most people can't do those at work, at least not to the extent that one would actually feel free to do so.

Whether you've got a sense of control and are doing things voluntarily, or whether you're doing the same things because you are or feel forced or obliged to, can AFAIK show up as actual differences in your neural activity (with stress-related areas being more active in the latter case).

Anecdotally, and based on personal experience, burnout can also seriously turn things you used to enjoy into something that triggers immediate anxiety and (malignant) stress. That might be similar to the difference in volition if an activity that used to be within your control and more or less your own choice turns into a malignant stress-inducing forced one. At least it certainly doesn't help if you're both feeling forced to do something you don't feel is within your control and getting a massive stress spike out of even thinking about it.

If you want to twist that, you could still technically say it's in your head, but it can be an actual physical difference.

You're not wrong about all the things you're saying. Finding a place with lower actual demands, and settling with that at least for the time being, might actually be a good idea for OP. It's quite possible that OP might have a much greater chance at landing such a job than it feels right now. It's quite possible that some things actually aren't as bad as they feel to them right now.

But saying someone is capable of doing a mentally (and, in burnout, probably emotionally) taxing thing A because they're capable of doing thing B that may or may not also be mentally taxing in a similar or different way isn't quite right.

And pinning things onto the will power of a burned out person can be outright dangerous.

I have no reason to doubt your personal experiences, but other people's experiences with burnout can be rather different from yours.

My wife found joy every day even though she was terminally ill, and I'd be remiss not to point you to the same place where she learned to find it:

https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/questions/living-with-...

If you want, you can email me to my username@gmail.com and I will send you her Instagram feed which is still online and you will see what she went through and how she stayed positive, peaceful, and even happy despite her awful ordeal.

Lastly, you are more than the sum of your accomplishments. Your material needs are few, and your qualifications many. Get a job doing anything you can do from home, and just start grinding. Don't worry about trying to get back to where you were. Accept your new normal and work it like any other problem.

But I was wrong, and I'm sorry. You're just a regular part of this community and your wife happens to have religious beliefs that helped her through tough times.

I apologize for jumping to conclusions, and I'm posting this response mostly so others don't make the same mistake and assume your post is spam.

https://www.dehek.com/general/health-wellness/escaping-suici...

https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/2018/03/18/j...