I always check with a trusted friend to make sure I have a good reason for not going on a second date.

It is NEVER because I didn’t feel a “spark”

Reasons would include rudeness, meanness, treating service workers with disrespect, speaking for an hour without asking me a question, and occasionally completely not physically attractive to me for a very specific reason. Women tend to get criticized a lot for the last one, but oddly, no one tells men to try again with women they find physically unattractive…and even here I push myself past my limits.

Given that - it’s 90% I turn down, 10% don’t ask me out again - I usually assume if a guy doesn’t it means hes not interested. But perhaps I’m too attached to traditional gender roles

Wait a minute, are those 90% and 10% separate groups? Ask the 10% out again yourself!! They might be thinking you're the one who's not interested!

A little positive story. My parents met when my mother was about 40 and father 60. Stayed together the rest of his life. But they both had their psychological problems and I think my father was a little abusive - certainly arrogant toward her.

Shot down 90% of 120 men! These aren’t random men; you filtered their profiles. My advice: read about the secretary problem. Marry the next guy that seems better than all previous guys. It’s mathematically the right strategy here.

Has your trusted friend ever said "no, that's not a good reason"?

Because, if not at least few times by the 100+ people, they are probably not providing the service you think they, but instead just agreeing with what they think you want to hear.