I have my doubts about whether the conversation in the article ever happened, but I found it interesting that it fits almost perfectly into the model of effectively asking people to do things from Dialectical Behavior Therapy, an evidence-based therapy program.
The acronym is DEAR, which stands for Describe (the situation), Express (emotions), Ask, Reinforce (why should they do it). Really simple.
Describe:
Gordon, I’m not a bit surprised that you thought the paper was rubbish. To be honest, I had the exact same feeling when I was writing it. I felt like I was rambling on and on.
Express:
I’m always amazed when I read your papers because they’re so incredibly clear and lucid. That’s actually one of the reasons I wanted to work with you and why I was so excited when you offered me a position last fall. The results of our research could be extremely important, and I know that if the paper were well-written, it might make a tremendous impact.
Ask:
The paper may be beyond repair, but I’m wondering if you might have any suggestions about how I could make it better.
Reinforce:
I want to learn as much from you as I possibly can.
You can structure basically any "ask" this way, even a really brief one. I've found it really useful, especially when planning out in advance how I'm going to ask someone for something. Protip: A good DEAR can be 50-70% reinforce :-) In fact if I had made this hypothetical-paper-editing ask I would have moved the last sentence of the Express to the Reinforce to introduce the question earlier and backload the importance of the paper after asking for help improving it.
I think you also need to layer on that the described reality wasn't her own. It accepted the reality presented by her colleague with no sign of defensiveness.
The key aspect that allowed her to respond the way she did was humility. Humility - how is that taught? I can think of how I learned to be more humble and they all were hard trials not reproducible in the classroom; so far as I know anyway.
The acronym is DEAR, which stands for Describe (the situation), Express (emotions), Ask, Reinforce (why should they do it). Really simple.
Describe: Gordon, I’m not a bit surprised that you thought the paper was rubbish. To be honest, I had the exact same feeling when I was writing it. I felt like I was rambling on and on.
Express: I’m always amazed when I read your papers because they’re so incredibly clear and lucid. That’s actually one of the reasons I wanted to work with you and why I was so excited when you offered me a position last fall. The results of our research could be extremely important, and I know that if the paper were well-written, it might make a tremendous impact.
Ask: The paper may be beyond repair, but I’m wondering if you might have any suggestions about how I could make it better.
Reinforce: I want to learn as much from you as I possibly can.
You can structure basically any "ask" this way, even a really brief one. I've found it really useful, especially when planning out in advance how I'm going to ask someone for something. Protip: A good DEAR can be 50-70% reinforce :-) In fact if I had made this hypothetical-paper-editing ask I would have moved the last sentence of the Express to the Reinforce to introduce the question earlier and backload the importance of the paper after asking for help improving it.