The last thing I want to know about my lightbulb is that it has a REST API. Now, hearing that it is "smart" is just inconceivable.

It is the bridge that provides the REST API, not the bulbs.

Having a REST API means the complete setup is easier to tinker with through a defined protocol and not having to resort to hack with the bulbs or any zigbee/low-level things.

I used this to play a bed time indication sequence on multiple bulbs in the living room from MIDI notes.

Oh wow! Consider me sold. I looked into smartbulbs a few years back and these details eluded me. That checks all my boxes.

Also LIFX bulbs (a competitor to Phillips Hue) you can control by sending them UDP packets over your wlan.

https://lan.developer.lifx.com/docs

But the API provided by the Phillips Hue bridge is maybe more high level.

https://developers.meethue.com/develop/get-started-2/

Oh wow, I've been using them for a while and had no idea. This is great, thanks for the tip!