That is a hilarious thread. My take is that the initial request is quite rude, not for asking, but for including a veiled threat that they won't be able to see each other if it doesn't work out. This is classic manipulation, and I hope the couple said no!

I reread the letter, but I'm still not seeing the veiled threat here. Would you be able to spell out where/what it is?

"I hope this works out /so/ we can see each other!"

Implies that they won't be able to see each other unless the host allows the guest to stay with them. Of course, this only works as a threat if the guest assumes the host wants their company in the first place. I don't find it to be a threat because the guest would only be withholding something the host doesn't want in the first place. That said, changing one word makes a big difference:

"I hope this works out /and/ we can see each other!"

This way seeing each other is disconnected from the hosting.

FWIW I don't find the request rude in the first place. The asker doesn't know she's making the request of someone who doesn't like her. Jeff seems offended that the woman mentioned his name ("I don't even know this woman.") But to me, that's just being polite as opposed to leaving him out entirely or referring to him generally (i.e. "you and your husband").

Thanks for explaining. I'm a native English speaker who grew up in a (fairly?) strongly guess culture, and I'm still really surprised that anyone would find this rude or threatening. It's interesting to see the very different interpretations.

It is that quote that parent poster highlighted.

"I hope this works out /so/ we can see each other!"

It's not physically threatening, but this makes a strong implication that the relationship will be potentially damaged by refusing to comply with the request. Consider this alternative, "I hope this works out. It would be great to catch up either way!" This makes it clear that the relationship will not be harmed if this doesn't work out.

Yes, I am reading into things, and I was raised as a Guesser but consider myself bilingual. IMO being an Asker is fine, but if you hold the relationship hostage, it's Demanding, not Asking.

What’s the neutral version of that sentence^ in your culture?

I can't speak for my culture generally, but my personal interpretation of the quote is that it is fairly neutral in its current form. I read it as saying that cohabiting will make it easier for the guest to see the hosts.

That is to say, I interpret this:

"I hope this works out so we can see each other!"

As this:

"I hope this works out because I would like to see you and by living under the same roof for a short time we will be able to see each other!"

I have to say, though, that this might be dependent on my relationship with the person. If I like them, I'm more likely to have the generous interpretation of this phrase.

Heh, I was seeking to level set on “what do words mean” before we get into generosity of interpretation.

Context is I’ve seen enough bad behavior online that I believe it is our responsibility to choose our words with intention.