> We are in 2022 and a nice, wealthy and rational guy won't commit to someone without a career and finances in order.
This is more often false than true. I know many men who have or are marrying women who make 1/2 or less what they do. Nice, wealthy, and rational folks. They however need a woman. And there is a strong lack of women who are anywhere near where many men are in compensation and wealth.
I am example of that. I married someone who made nothing. I put her through a prestigious college in the most expensive location in the country and paid for it all. Etc.
Supply+demand. We got way more men than we do women in this world under age 35. As a guy - you have to settle.
Again - unpopular opinion - but I've noticed men tend think of a potential wife's wealth or earning potential much less than vice a versa.
Even when choosing a career, men seem to place a lot of importance on compensation, while women seem to place just as much, if not more, importance on other non-financial factors too.
I am also an example. I make much more than my wife, and it made zero impact on my decision to date and marry her.
In general I rarely see couples where the wife earns significantly more than the husband. Generally the husband makes more, they both make about even, or the wife might make slightly more.
> Again - unpopular opinion - but I've noticed men tend think of a potential wife's wealth or earning potential much less than vice a versa.
My personal experience and from what I've learned from other men: It's because most men know they won't receive a dime from their partner. It starts with how a man almost always pays for the dates or at best they split it. (Or they have a rule like - "whoever asks X out has to pay" which is of course always the man because almost no women ask any men out) Similarly - the wife is usually the SAHP not because the man doesn't ever want to do it (I know many men who'd love to be a SAHP!) but because financially it makes little to no sense. As a man - you could try to choose a woman who makes more but that's very hard. Most women don't want to be the bread winner - why do it when they've never been the one to do it anyway? There's a level of entitlement that comes with carrying children to term as well - there's an idea that they should get to spend time with their children at home for as long as they want before they have to go back to work. (A weird mentality of, "It's work that deserves to be compensated but I also really want to do this and would do it even if I wasn't compensated and definitely don't wanna go back to work!") When it makes more financial sense - I see the men be SAHP but I've only ever met one guy in that position. One! And it's because he's broke AF and his wife makes way more money. They are the one couple I know who go against the grain on these gender roles and they're both incredibly liberal leaning people.
When I think back on my own experience and that of the many men I've listened to... The gifts men received, the treats, the support, etc. it's always much less than what the men were putting out. Most men know they won't receive anything from a woman even if she has the ability to. There is a certain level of entitlement and certain patriarchal values that many women have not given up and refuse to give up for the foreseeable future. One is giving up the notion that the man provides the majority or all of the financial support. There's also a nature of feeling like a woman needs to be financially spoiled in order to feel "supported"/"loved". I don't know if this is due to consumerism but it feels closer to gender roles than that.
I don't think any of this stuff is ingrained. I think it's cultural. Again - why I said I don't see this changing for generations. If people are still so adamantly doing this now and it feels like many are even more ingrained now with it - there's no hope for the next 50 years. I think people will dig in more and more men will go without reproducing.
> In general I rarely see couples where the wife earns significantly more than the husband. Generally the husband makes more, they both make about even, or the wife might make slightly more.
It's hard to say if that's because the men chose that or if the woman chose that - but I know many women who outright declare they won't date anyone who makes less than they do and many are hesitant to date anyone who makes even the same. I know many of these women - almost all of them are my friends. Only people I know who date someone who makes less than them are men. (Gay or straight)
This is because we live in a time of transition. Humans always try get the best of two worlds, XX humans are no different. Men need to learn to speak up.
As I said in the other comment, I am moderately optimistic because some indicators are already moving e.g. you mentioned that more men will go childless. This is already happening.
I don’t think the childless men is a good thing though. The fact there are more childless men than women by a huge margin doesn’t signal to me that men are withholding - it looks like women are withholding.
As it stands, most women have far greater leverage in romantic relationships than most men. They can easily walk out the door and find a partner the next day. Most men spend much longer looking for someone.
But would you sleep better at night if you had a daughter, than if you had a son, because of that?
To my son, I teach that there are no gender roles set in stone. If in doubt, stay single and childless; he has many, many decades to opt out if the Right One shows up.
> But would you sleep better at night if you had a daughter, than if you had a son, because of that?
Yes, I am hoping that I have daughters. I do not want a son. I experienced life as a man and have seen what the life of my partners is in comparison. If the girls come out even half as decent looking - they'll coast through life with little guidance needed from me.
I have friends with just daughters - and they all do not envy the parents with boys. They are all feeling blessed to have daughters. I think being a woman has its struggles but the plights are mostly for those in the poor class. If you're upper middle class or above as most people in tech within SV - you can mostly skate by many issues. The issues of a man do not go away regardless of your class - short of being hyper-wealthy.
This is more often false than true. I know many men who have or are marrying women who make 1/2 or less what they do. Nice, wealthy, and rational folks. They however need a woman. And there is a strong lack of women who are anywhere near where many men are in compensation and wealth.
I am example of that. I married someone who made nothing. I put her through a prestigious college in the most expensive location in the country and paid for it all. Etc.
Supply+demand. We got way more men than we do women in this world under age 35. As a guy - you have to settle.