At least he wasn't "objectifying" them.

(for the sensitive, this is a joke about class naming convention, which didn't seem subject to female variable names in the article).

They're not fat, just overloaded!

For all its political correctness, Rust still has Fat Pointers. Which might be put to good use when doing Response Body Shaming?

And the fat arrow: "=>"

https://play.rust-lang.org/?code=fn%20main()%20%7B%0Amatch%2...

I don't know. Is it worse to objectify them or to treat them functionally?

How would you feel to be locked up and separated into discrete units, only to be used up and thrown away?

It's also a bit hard to find good methods that are seriously into polymorphism.

tuples and thruples are my thing but they aren't the norm in my language :(

there's even a language called Linda that makes extensive use of tuples. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linda_(coordination_language)

Eschew variables altogether. It's the constants that make for a good life.

I use template metaprogramming to do all the computation at compile time.

hm I regularly massacre processes in my laptop...

"how to terminate forked children"

What I love about Unix is that you can talk about pipes blocked by dead children spawned by daemons, and it actually makes sense.

"Out of memory: Kill process X or sacrifice child"

The "Feed me a stray cat" of kernel error messages.

What's the 'feed me a stray cat' kernel error message? I thought that was just part of the American Psycho lore.

Well, a panic arose on Twitter when conservatives discovered their crashed smart TVs started demanding the sacrifice of children... must have been all the daemons possessing our computers:

https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/p4v7q3/the...

Just be careful to reap the results lest you get zombies. Yes, that's the standard Unix terminology.

"purging orphans"

Just think of variables as you would Larry Ellison.