I have never been suicidal. I do know, having been through a months long Stage IV cancer watch, which provides a solid view of the terminal medical industrial complex experience, I'll efficiently terminate myself before embarking on that way to go.
That said, I have never understood why people think that having kids has no effect on your mental health. When we had our child, I thought nothing of it; I was in a partnership and that's what the partner wanted. However, after the year or so larval stage, we began to realize that the experience of having a kid, steadily growing, seeing the world through changing eyes, different from your own: it made us different people. I wouldn't have missed the experience for the world, even if the terrible twos do happen and the teen years can be a trial.
It gave us a sense of purpose within our own lives. The very opposite of a screen or a job or a bucket list! We're very different people from the weird/sad, entering their 60s childless couples we know, every single one. I'll be kind and say they seem mostly ruled by a flat emotional narcissism that's... pretty damn boring. I won't say that that never happens to empty nesters; it does. But the childless couples all seem a bit off.
I wouldn't have a kid with the idea that it would solve any mental health problems I might have, just as having a kid seems to never solve any couple's relationship problems. I just point out that your mental health is going to change with a kid, and I'd not rule out for the better.
Even with those caveats, we've watched a lot of children survive divorce, some ugly. Many of those kids turned out superlatively, and for quite a few the divorce seemed to be a kind of positive stimulus. Not recommending divorce! Same with the death of a parent. Children can be incredibly resilient. It's not always about you, is the lesson. A child has a world that is bigger than the parents.
That said, I have never understood why people think that having kids has no effect on your mental health. When we had our child, I thought nothing of it; I was in a partnership and that's what the partner wanted. However, after the year or so larval stage, we began to realize that the experience of having a kid, steadily growing, seeing the world through changing eyes, different from your own: it made us different people. I wouldn't have missed the experience for the world, even if the terrible twos do happen and the teen years can be a trial.
It gave us a sense of purpose within our own lives. The very opposite of a screen or a job or a bucket list! We're very different people from the weird/sad, entering their 60s childless couples we know, every single one. I'll be kind and say they seem mostly ruled by a flat emotional narcissism that's... pretty damn boring. I won't say that that never happens to empty nesters; it does. But the childless couples all seem a bit off.
I wouldn't have a kid with the idea that it would solve any mental health problems I might have, just as having a kid seems to never solve any couple's relationship problems. I just point out that your mental health is going to change with a kid, and I'd not rule out for the better.
Even with those caveats, we've watched a lot of children survive divorce, some ugly. Many of those kids turned out superlatively, and for quite a few the divorce seemed to be a kind of positive stimulus. Not recommending divorce! Same with the death of a parent. Children can be incredibly resilient. It's not always about you, is the lesson. A child has a world that is bigger than the parents.