I dream of quitting my job and living on some land. My wife refuses to "live in the middle of nowhere, where there's nothing to do". I guess I shall continue to work a job I hate in order to live in this expensive area.
Maybe your wife is onto something? I mean, I live on some land in the middle of nowhere, where there's nothing to do, but we both want to live here. Some people really don't. It can sound nice, but if you're the kind of person who wants to be near restaurants other than McDonald's, or to have playmates for your kids nearby, or doesn't want to get in the car for a minimum half-hour round trip every time you need a gallon of milk, it might not be for you.
Being out in the country where you can do whatever you want also means that your neighbors can do whatever they want. So some idiot setting off cherry bombs, or another one shooting skeet/target practice in his backyard, or heating a house with wood and smoking out the entire neighborhood when there's a temperature inversion is just as valid a use of property as your gardening. And when the various hunting seasons start, well, gunshots carry a pretty long distance at 6AM.
On a good day, I think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. On a bad day, I just want to shoot everyone else, but that's me.
Have you ever lived off of the land? If you haven't, you should question how well your visions of the lifestyle match with what actually happens in reality. Just like you might see a beautiful picture of a beach and dream constantly of going there, but once you get there you are swarmed by mosquitos, cut your feet on sharp rocks, and get poisoned from the industrial runoff that was cleverly cropped out of the picture.
I frequently see this as an idle dream but assume most people who dream of it would not last a year before quitting or getting themselves seriously injured or killed in some manner.
Not quite. I understand how hard it can be. It also depends on just how off the land one wants to be, like a guy I know living in a self built log cabin in Alaska. I'm not going that far. It would be nice to have land for my wife's horse, to expand my beekeeping, and to expand my garden/fruits/mushrooms/etc. And like most people on small farms, I'd probably need another job to make ends meet.
It takes some effort, but you can have it (mostly) both ways. I live in a little rural town (Hillsborough, NC) that has farms in the woods and a great tiny downtown with several really good restaurants, pubs, and even a tiny art scene and it's only 15 minutes away from Duke/Durham, NC with tons of great dining, shopping, events and so on.
I'm sure there are plenty of other situations like this, nice semi-rural/rural towns on the edge of a metro and all it's services.
Yeah, most places I was looking at would be 30-60 minutes outside of large city, and only a short 10 or so minute drive to the local town.
She told me one day that she never wanted to leave the current county (her home county). Now she is also determined to move into her old school district (much more expensive and more developed), even though the school scores aren't much higher than the current one and just with the money that we save in property taxes we could send a kid to a private school. Needless to say, this issue doesn't come down to having a rational discussion to find solutions that fit both of our criteria. I'm wrong, she's right, always.
just to add on, not that anybody's still reading :)
and a ritzy private school not only would not get her into the higher status neighborhood, it would potentially expose the family to more scorn for not living there
your comment takes on a different sense if we guess that your partner shares giantg's sentiments, which in many cases could well be true. Without saying anything personal about you (I don't know you and have not researched your comment history, for example), a narcissist would be highly likely to bristle at the idea of giving-in to another person's preference, maybe even to the point of being moved to comment on an internet forum!
my point is, there is a lot of complexity to different personalities interacting that is not captured by your somewhat idealistic view of giantg's life.
That's a hobby farm. They both still work full time day jobs. She's a nurse, he's in marketing (remote work). I guess that's what HN really wants-- having it both ways.
Most small farms require a second job to make ends meet, or at least one person who can provide benefits from a "normal" job. Even if it's more than just hobby level. I know quite a few people waking up at 4am to do farm chores and then going in to a fulltime day job.
Most states have legal definition to determine if you're a farmer, like if you make more than 30% of your money from farming.
Work hard to get your lady onboard. Step one is to find an outdoor activity you can progressively gain sill in, e.g., dirtbiking. Soon buying 80 acres in the sticks will become something she needs!
Even if you're not planning on getting divorced soon or at all, there's no harm in talking to a divorce lawyer now to figure out how to minimize the damage when things change and you get tired of working a job you hate to live in an expensive area that you don't want to live in.
