What a load of shit. So the argument basically reduces to:
"You can't be a startup founder and date, therefore it's better to do a startup if you're already in a long-term committed relationship."
Ummm... how about "I'm single and I'm willing to forgo dating for 'x period of time' until my startup is established and running" OR, even better, "I'm single and I'm willing to forgo dating for now, until my startup exits, I'm rich, and I can live the billionaire playboy lifestyle and take my dates on exotic trips to fun places, etc., etc. yada yada."
Doing a startup means making sacrifices whether you're single or not, this article contributes nothing to value to the discussion of who should and shouldn't be running a startup, IMO. Then again, my take on this discussion is that there really isn't anything to discuss to begin with: You should run a startup... drumroll If you want to run a startup.
Even better: "I'm single and I'm willing to pursue meaningless one-night stands and shallow two-week flings until my startup is established and running." This has the benefit of keeping you physically satisfied while being 100% emotionally connected to your startup.
It's equally important to realize that just because one is married and has a family that that also doesn't preclude one from founding a startup.
The point here is that there is a lot of people out there that believe that married people can't or don't have the time needed to dedicate to a startup. Founders with families have the added benefit of having a strong support system that single founders may lack.
There are pros and cons to both situations but no one should ever suggest that anyone should or shouldn't do a startup simply based on generic previous life experiences or decisions.
It seems to me the most important attribute of a founder is dedication, not marital status.
Not marital status, but the marital partner. If your spouse is supportive, then it's a better environment than being single. If they're not... Well, let's just say that I'm divorced...
Furthermore, I take offense at the core premise: "You can't be a startup founder and date"
I'm about a year into this startup, I've probably been on 40+ "dates".
If you have to work so hard that you can't find one night per weekend or one weekday afternoon to get out of the office and spend time with someone, maybe you're not smart enough to build a smart up...
Well... for what it's worth, I wouldn't say that you can't date while doing a startup. But in my own case, I have actually all but sworn off dating while doing what I'm doing. Honestly, right now building this business and chasing certain dreams that I have, is more important to me than romantic / sexual relationships. I've been one one "proper" date this year, as best as I can recall. <shrug />
I'm sorry, I have been single throughout the majority of my time in a startup, including part of the time being CEO. So I feel like I'm speaking with some authority.
Dating forces you to go out and meet people of the sort that you won't meet in your office. It ends up having a substantial sales component, too -- keeping track of leads, worrying about which ones run cold, trying to close deals, etc.
Dating is an excellent distraction, and besides -- as a smart ambitious male, I'm seeking a smart ambitious female to be a partner in crime. And guess what, she's probably spending her 20s pouring her heart and soul into her career too.
We circle-jerk so much about "OMG being in a startup is SO INTENSE" but have you ever talked to law students? first-year associates? Med students? Students getting PhDs in super-competitive experimental science fields, like molecular biology? they're all putting in crazy hours too.
And we all love our work, and if we're intellectually curious people, we LOVE hearing about others' work. So no, you're not BORING on a date -- boring on a date is talking about how you and your friends got SO DRUNK last weekend. Boring is "yeah, then I watched back-to-back seasons of 30Rock". Boring is not "here is my plan for total world domination".
Working all the time at your passion makes you, female or male, _more_ attractive to potential mates -- if you're looking for the right sort of person.
It's that last line that bugs me, you've made a sweeping statement about what you want being right. You've decided what everyone should want and how their relationship should work. You speak authoritively for yourself.
A) Knee deep in a startup and can't date? That's what Korean massage parlors are for. Not to mention that dating sharpens your social skills that would otherwise languish while fighting with your spouse about having to do a week of 18 hour days and all the stress related with that.
B) I did a startup married and it contributed to the divorce I got after I left it.
C) I've gotten more play using the startup angle then I can even care to count. It's all about packaging and presentation my friend.
Working on a startup was one of the contributing factors to the decline and failure of my relationship.
When we were supposed to be spending "quality time" together on weekend afternoons, I kept thinking about how much work I could be getting done. I had to bail on vacation or event plans to spend more time on my project. I kept saying "just another couple weeks, then we launch." But the project dragged on and by then, it was too late.
At the time, I wasn't single, but I wasn't married or cohabiting with kids either. Not sure if that's considered "dating" or not. Anyway, I'm sure many people are capable of balancing their work and their romantic life, but in my case it as untenable. Depending on what kind of relationship you have, what your personalities are like, and what kind of work you're doing, it can really hurt you.
Hey all - I am the writer of this piece on startupnorth - my name is Dan Morel, I am at @dpmorel. Annoyingly I caught it on Hacker News probably too late to have an impact on the comments.
Probably all of you folks complaining below find the arguments absurd and abnoxious because they discriminate against you (being a single, young, male doing a startup).
Well, guess what, most of the entire startup eco-system is discriminatory and proclaims similar absurd arguments against people with family... and its doubly so against women.
So if you don't have the mental capacity to appreciate irony, than go f yourselves.
All of the listed factors also apply to marriage. While I am single, it seems like marriage is HARD all by itself. It takes time, effort, communication, and patience. Adding a start up on top of this is going to make it more difficult (although I would never say impossible).
What's more, running a start up is a formative experience that will likely change you. It would be challenging, though by no means impossible, to have a successful marriage while the character of the two people who form its basis are changing.
How true. I must say, if I had to date right now, I think I'd want to hang myself. And sometimes just having to take care of my daughter forces me to just stop doing work and focus on life for a minute.
Ah sleep, the mythical two headed unicorn with golden hoofs for ents.
hold on a minute... same thing happened to me. my little girl was running around until 11pm, when we both felt asleep and i woke up at 3am. :)
also funny to mention that i had to run home this afternoon too..., but i have to say... many missing pieces are coming to my mind when i play or watch my kid... and not when i'm fighting a tech related problem.
you do have to manage your time anyways...
i recently stopped working for clients and do start up something. until now i say startups and families do work together. i'll keep you guys posted! :)
While I agree with the part about being a boring date and working too much to be interesting, he totally left out the part about being unattractive due to being completely broke.
Money is overrated in terms of attraction. Perceived status is what matters (for men), and money is often correlated with status but doesn't directly lead to it. A socially skilled entrepreneur who's broke but confident will do far better than a highly paid socially inept geek.
"Socially skilled" is similar to "good at picking up girls," so I guess I would agree because that's close to a tautology.
I'm just saying that when a girl figures out you work 12 hours a day and live off of $25K a year, much of which comes from credit cards, it is a bit more of a "con" than a "pro" in their mind.
Single Person Start-ups. Two - Founders Start-ups. Three - Person Start-ups. etc. It's all about context. Are you a rock and roll band? With or without a drummer? Are you making a film? Are you starting a cricket team? Are you opening a restaurant? Are you starting a media group? There is no magic number, never was, never will be. It's a simple equations of what skills are needed to start, and how many people at a minimum are needed. Are you Evils, The White Stripes or the The Beatles.
So while I do appreciate the anecdotal stories, I'm not sure the unequivocal conclusions are really warranted or necessary.
You may be right, but it would be nice if you'd actually read the article rather than just the headline.
The OP wasn't talking about a startup founded by a one-person team - he was making the claim (defensible or not) that single people - that is, people not in relationships - shouldn't do startups.
Whether that's a good claim or bad one - and I happen to think it's debatable at best - your commentary would be much better received if it actually addressed the point of the article rather than the headline.
"You can't be a startup founder and date, therefore it's better to do a startup if you're already in a long-term committed relationship."
Ummm... how about "I'm single and I'm willing to forgo dating for 'x period of time' until my startup is established and running" OR, even better, "I'm single and I'm willing to forgo dating for now, until my startup exits, I'm rich, and I can live the billionaire playboy lifestyle and take my dates on exotic trips to fun places, etc., etc. yada yada."
Doing a startup means making sacrifices whether you're single or not, this article contributes nothing to value to the discussion of who should and shouldn't be running a startup, IMO. Then again, my take on this discussion is that there really isn't anything to discuss to begin with: You should run a startup... drumroll If you want to run a startup.